Ever feel like you're just existing?

Netwizard

jennyc85 wrote: »

I think I may be having a bit of a life-crisis!

I am 28, live with my partner, no kids.. I have a good job as a hosptial nurse, but it rules my life.. and i'm at breaking point!

I feel like all I am doing is existing, working to pay the bills & either too skint or exhausted to do anything else.

I can't tell if how I am feeling is normal, or if I should knuckle down & be grateful for a stable job in these times :-/

I miss out on so many opportunities, as I can never get any leave when I need it. I just feel I am too young for this sort of existence

I am thinking about leaving and joining the nurse bank... it is a better hourly rate, you choose when you work, but there is no holiday or sick pay & no guarantee of work (although there are so many hours going you could work 24/7 if you wanted)...

I'd love to do some travelling, but I have already been told it is not possible to get more than 2 weeks in one go..

Surely there is more to life than this?!! I am starting to get scared that I am not getting any younger & would like to start a family at some point too..

Any wise old owls out there with some friendly advice? I feel so lost!!

Funny you should post this as im having the exact same feelings. Im 29, single and not a nurse but work in the nhs on nights. The nights were my choice, slower pace of life, can get work done at my own pace, pretty much money for old rope.

However, I too miss out on a lot of social things. What few friends I did have, have settled down and have their own lives. The odd few left over from that I only see maybe once a month if that. I feel like im either in bed or at work.

Its my first day back tomorrow after 4 weeks off though (had lots of A/L to take!) So I guess thats why I feel like crap tonight.

I would like a 9-5 somewhere, however, there are no jobs round here that pay anywhere near what im on now, its easy money and I have a commute thats under 5 mins, so I too should probably be greatful but like you OP, I feel like im just existing. I feel, like at 29 I should be doing much more than sitting in a hospital doing boring paperwork all night.

I work on my own too which gives my mind plenty of time to ponder what else I could be doing with my life

Netwizard

jennyc85 wrote: »

I don't mind working! but all work and no play is very depressing.. I just wonder if leaving my permanent job for agency/bank work will either be the best thing I have ever done or the most stupid

If your place is anything like mine, there are always lots of banks going, and i do know a few people that have switched purely to bank work, and its worked out fine for them, as they are not fussy about which hospitals / wards they work on, however, competition for banks is always fierce.

I work always worry in the back of my mind that I dont have a guaranteed set of shifts / income for the month, but if your confident that the banks wont dry up, then go for it

view

You guys are young!! Figure out what you really truly want, and do it. No it won't be easy, yes it make not work out... but otherwise you could be in the same position 10 years from now and wondering what do to....

lemontart

like you my job has unsociable hrs and getting leave when others are off is nigh on impossible and constantly tired - had nasty fall early in yr so been off nearly 3 months with back injury and now got lumps in leg and other issues to get tests for but has given me a well needed step back to review options and once well will be looking for another job with out stresses and shifts

jennyc85

Netwizard I know what you mean! A lot of my friends are getting married/having kids.. and the ones that aren't I never seem to catch up with due to my crazy hours!

I think I am the sort of person who spends so long worrying about how something may go wrong that I end up talking myself out of it.. rather than just doing it and dealing with the consequences! (I would love to be like that )

My dad married and had us young, then pretty much gave his life to a career in the public services, and now he really regrets all the life he missed out on living! I really don't want to go down the same road...

GeckoGirl1985

Have you thought about taking a job as a school nurse or local community nurse? I have a friend that works in a secondary school dealing with everything from scraped knees to giving advice about contraception and she loves her job, plus the money is pretty good from what I understand. Plus she gets the school holidays off.

Netwizard

jennyc85 wrote: »

I think I am the sort of person who spends so long worrying about how something may go wrong that I end up talking myself out of it.. rather than just doing it and dealing with the consequences! (I would love to be like that )

My dad married and had us young, then pretty much gave his life to a career in the public services, and now he really regrets all the life he missed out on living! I really don't want to go down the same road...

Going back probably 3 years now, after a few weeka of really busy crappy day shifts, I went home, typed my notice out, went back to work and handed it in to my boss (who at the time was useless anyway, never saw him from one month to the next. Nice enough guy though, always got on ok with him).

He was shocked and asked me why. I just said I needed a change, was borec and felt my life was going to waste.

Although I probably had about £4k saved at the time, obviously this wont go far at all, had no job lined up. My plan was just to go and enjoy the summer and worry about a job afterwards.

However my boss left my notice on his desk and got a few of my work mates to talk some sense into me, but to this day, ive never experienced a better feeling than handing my notice in, getting in my car, and driving off. The sense of freedom and the sudden stress free feeling was amazing.

Would love to do it again and do it properly this time but jobs are too thin on the ground

As you can tell by now, I dont like my job really.

jennyc85

GeckoGirl1985 wrote: »

Have you thought about taking a job as a school nurse or local community nurse? I have a friend that works in a secondary school dealing with everything from scraped knees to giving advice about contraception and she loves her job, plus the money is pretty good from what I understand. Plus she gets the school holidays off.

I've seen the odd school nurse job come up actually... sounds great apart from the fact I am terrified of kids :rotfl: I do think I will start applying for some community jobs though.. I'd love to be out and about..

Gingernutty

Having seen what nurses are being put through, I'm not surprised.

The amount of paper involved is stupid.

Gigantic forms requiring the same information over and over again, care bundles (big forms for specific conditions), pathways (another word for a thick bundle of paper if patients have a particular condition e.g. Fracture Neck of Femur pathway), lists, questionnaires, decision tools (another kind of questionnaire for when you've filled in the initial questionnaire and got the 'wrong' i.e. expensive answer), MUST forms, nutrition forms, care forms, turn forms, stool forms, urine output forms, skin condition forms, continuation sheets and drug charts which must have the drug prescribed filled in on the correct part of the form and then checked off by the qualified nurse in charge as each dose is given out.

Somewhere you've got to deal with 'phone calls, doctors, physiotherapists, occupational therapists, relatives, the daily ward round, supervise the students, supervise the HCAs and direct the housekeeping staff.

Oh and deal with the patients.

When one is swamped with reams of paper, it's very easy to lose sight of why one went into the profession in the first place - it's no wonder that nurses are fed up.

middlewife

jennyc85 wrote: »

I do enjoy the actual nursing, I just am sick of the system & that I cannot care for my patients the way I would like to due to appalling staffing levels & mounds of paperwork. The maternity benefits are why I am torn! But I don't know whether it's worth being so unhappy for something that may or may not happen at some point in the future...

Applying for more 9-5 jobs is an option.. I'm just starting to worry that i'm going to be stuck there for the summer, when every bit of leave I have applied for has been refused & I am set to miss out on so many experiences and life because of work.

Hi Jennyc85 - ^^ ^^ this from when i used to nurse in the 1980s !
I could have said exactly the same then, so i guess not a lot's changed in the good ol' NHS
You sound as if you're a bit torn and at a crossroads. You mention your partner is on minimum wage, but you recognise that if you have kids the NHS maternity benefits are worth having, plus many hospitals run subsidised nurseries, so worth a thought, however you then go on to say that you are terrified by kids.
In 10 years from now you'll be 37, and tbh, if you decide to have kids that's about the latest most people would want to start trying.
Sometimes it's easier to work backwards from where you want to be in 10 years time, then you can "slot" in things you want to do in that time, a sort of "bucket list" if you like
You say a lot of your friends are settling down and having kids, so it's difficult to keep up with them, which is true for many people as lifestyles are so different; but you also find it difficult to socialise with the 9-5ers as you work shifts, it does require more effort and forward planning. I used to nab peak holidays as soon as they were released, but did miss out on quite a few social events.
I think you are perhaps trying to keep a foot in both camps, stay friends with those who work 9-5 and have more opportunities for socialising, at the same time as watching the changes in former friends who have gone down the parenthood route - a difficult balance to strike. Could you afford to negotiate a 28 hours per week contract? - I have worked many different work patterns in the 34 years I've been working (yikes) but find full time work too much. This allows for the odd long weekend, yes it's less money, but when I get to screaming pitch at work I usually remember I've got the next 2 or 3 days off.
I loved working on the community as a midwife it felt much more "normal" and having your own caseload is good, but I think the hours are often long and the paperwork is still ridiculous, but you won't have any other memebers of staff breathing down your neck on a daily basis.
Good luck whatever you decide.