In laws - how close is too close?

SuzieSue

If you get on with them and they are the sort of people who wouldn't come round unannounced if you didn't want them to, then I think the advantages of childcare, emergencies etc probably outweigh the disadvantages.

adamzetec

Thanks for the comments, I didn't realise this was so common having lived 15+ miles away in the past.

Unfortunately the house wasn't suitable so th hunt continues.

InMyDreams

msgnomey wrote: »

as they all get older and frailer it's comforting to be close enough to help out when needed

^^this!!

I can't believe that this thread has got to page 2 and this has only been mentioned once alongside all the comments about childcare help and privacy.

We are currently in the process of moving (effectively) next door to my parents. Our children are getting to the age where help with with childcare isn't really a major consideration any more, or certainly won't be given another few very short years. But I love that they will finally get to see so much of their grandparents while their grandparents are fit and healthy enough for it to be a mutually positive relationship.

I think if you are already worried about the 'disadvantages' then maybe it wasn't for you anyway. Good luck with the hunt.

adamzetec

InMyDreams wrote: »

^^this!!

I can't believe that this thread has got to page 2 and this has only been mentioned once alongside all the comments about childcare help and privacy.

We are currently in the process of moving (effectively) next door to my parents. Our children are getting to the age where help with with childcare isn't really a major consideration any more, or certainly won't be given another few very short years. But I love that they will finally get to see so much of their grandparents while their grandparents are fit and healthy enough for it to be a mutually positive relationship.

I think if you are already worried about the 'disadvantages' then maybe it wasn't for you anyway. Good luck with the hunt.

You know what, that's a very valid point which I hadn't considered. I guess we see our parents as we did when we were plunger and think they will live forever.

harrup

How close is too close?

Has not so much to do with physical proximity but with setting and respecting boundaries. On either side.

IMO, if you are NOT comfortable or willing to state ( should the need arise): "Whilst I/we love, cherish and respect you trememdously, I/we don't want you to swing by unannounced" than anything under a 45 min driving time for a visit is too close.

Also, be VERY sure that you and your partner are on the same page. It is no good for a relationship if one partner is driven half crazy by frequent/ daily visits...whilst the other one rather enjoys them or really doesn't mind. It will be a source of constant strife, so make sure that you are both a united team in terms of boundaries if you decide to live that close.

And if you have any inclination that your partner may be willing but ultimately unable to stick to the rules...don't do it! Listen, my mum drives me nuts ( and not infrequently)..but at the end of the day...she IS my mum. And she is getting older. Therefore, nuts or not nuts, I am not brilliant at enforcing boundary rules.

You have been warned....good luck

teeni

Just too add from a mother in law's and mother for that matter, it would be too close for me to have my children and grand children in the same street because i want my privacy and do not want them just dropping by. I work very long hours and when i come in i want to cook tea and wind down not have my grand children dropped on me at a minutes notice. I love my grand children and children dearly but like a call to make sure i am not in the middle of something before they arrive.

I suppose what i am saying is that the op said it would be convenient for her needs but mother in law may over step the mark but has she asked mother in law whether she would like them so close as it may intrude in her life .

Cazza

Personally, close enough that it's easy for us or them to visit, far enough away that they ring to check you're in before coming over. If they're too far away, that means they have to stay when they come for a visit!

For us, hubby's parents are 10 miles in one direction, mine are 16 miles the other way, takes about 30-40 mins in the car.

celyn90

becominganobsessivesaver wrote: »

My inlaws live 100m from OH's inlaws. We moved 200 miles from all of them. Works perfectly!

:rotfl::rotfl: my outlaws live in Frankfurt. That's close enough for me

We are about 200 miles from my family.

At the end of the day though (on a serious note) if we are needed, we can get home quickly. It may of course change if care is needed later on, but at the moment it's all fine.

greenface

My in laws came down from their planet for their daughter to own me . they havent returned back . Both my and inlaws live within 10 mins drive and isnt too bad . they normally call to see if we are in before knocking as parking can be iffy in our rd

Excited13

My last house was a 5/10 minute drive from my exes parents which was a pain as they used to pop round on a weekend. As you can tell that didn't turn out too well and the thought of them living any closer would have been a living nightmare.

I'm in the process of buying a property and was actually looking for properties where I could have a granny annex or something for my mum if she needed it (she's only in her 50s) so any future partner may end up living with his MIL.

When I grew up we lived 5 minutes from my Dad's parents and then when we moved it was 5 minutes from my Mum's. I had an amazing relationship with my grandparents so as someone growing up it was great and helped me escape family issues at home.