another "old friend" thread

Funky_Bold_Ribena

I don't know what a BBM is but some people in life are just flighty, I wouldn't burn all my bridges; unless she slept with my partner or stole off me I'd keep it light and just say 'been busy - hows tricks'. No need to be quite so blunt as your original thoughts.

ognum

OP -Why can't you tell her how you feel.

Like ' I hope the wedding went well, I was disappointed not to be there but as you are aware getting to a wedding x miles away at such short notice is impossible. I did wonder if that was the reason my invitation came so late.
I am aware we haven't been very close lately I am sure that is because we now live so far away, maybe it's best to just catch up now and then as we both lead very busy lives.
I hope the wedding went well, as I said I was disappointed that the invitation came too late for me to attend. I wish you good luck in your new life '

just leave it at that!

CH27

As there are mutual friends why cause a fuss?

Just reply that you've been busy with kids, work etc.
If she wants to chat she can get back in touch with you.

Ladyhawk

ognum wrote: »

OP -Why can't you tell her how you feel.

Like ' I hope the wedding went well, I was disappointed not to be there but as you are aware getting to a wedding x miles away at such short notice is impossible. I did wonder if that was the reason my invitation came so late.
I am aware we haven't been very close lately I am sure that is because we now live so far away, maybe it's best to just catch up now and then as we both lead very busy lives.
I hope the wedding went well, as I said I was disappointed that the invitation came too late for me to attend. I wish you good luck in your new life '

just leave it at that!

Aha! Now this is the kind of thing I meant... Ie making it clear that I am not happy about things but without being a b itch. The wedding probably took over her life but I was not a priority but as I said she has let me down so often that I feel like I should make a stand.

Tbh I don't think the mutual friends will particularly care - I just don't want it to be awkward when I next go home.

Ladyhawk

BBM is blackberry messenger - free texting to wherever in the world

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Ladyhawk wrote: »

BBM is blackberry messenger - free texting to wherever in the world

'Initiating BBMs' then just means texting or messaging?

Ladyhawk

Yes - I'd be the one to try to maintain contact

74jax

If she invited you to her wedding (albeit at short notice) and then contacted you to see why you didn't reply, I'd think this normal. She might think you're unwel etc.

I'd reply it was too short notice to go the wedding and that it would have cost too much anyway. Then say you've been busy.

I don't think there's a reason to cause a 'falll out' you can just drift apart. Maybe in years to come you'll message each other again.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Ladyhawk wrote: »

Yes - I'd be the one to try to maintain contact

She's maintaining contact now...why are you cutting her off when she just starts to do what you want her to?

an9i77

Hello Ladyhawk, I share your pain I was in a very similar situation recently with an old friend who I had drifted apart from, felt she did not bother with me anymore and I was doing all the chasing. As hard as it was at the time I just decided to stop all contact and since then it has felt like a weight has lifted. Like you, we have mutual friends so a public falling out is not an option. Unlike you, I still see this person through mutual friends, but last time we met we were friendly/civil to each other, although I know in my heart we are not friends like we used to be and that's ok now, I've moved on.

It does hurt to acknowledge an old friendship has run its course, but once you've realised that, it is easier to move on than you may think and you'll look back in a years time or so and realise you were right to move on.

I'd just cut contact, be polite, reply politely if she contacts with you without initiating things and she'll soon get the message.

I wouldn't try and enter a dialogue into why she invited you late to the wedding etc, I just think it may be too late to resolve things, but that's just me and I'm not saying that's not an option you should consider if you feel you need some sort of 'closure'. But unfortunately with friendships, unlike relationships, we often do not get closure when they end.