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another "old friend" thread
Ladyhawk
Posts: 2,064 Forumite
I need some advice on how to tell someone that I am no longer interested in their friendship.
We grew up on the otherside of the world and met when we went to high school at the age of 12/13. We were never close friends but always got on well. She moved to the UK a few years after me and we became quite good friends. About 4 years ago she decided to move home.
She has let me down countless times. I've always been the one to intiate BBM's to give her support (I know her sisters and there is always a drama going on)
So she got married earlier this month and did invite me to the wedding (back home) but the only contact I've had from her in the last 6 months was the invitation which was sent 3 weeks before the wedding. It would have cost over £1000 for me to fly out for the wedding as it was so last minute.
So today I got an email asking what's up? Why has she not heard from me etc.
I want to say "How dare you even ask that? You have never treated me like a friend, you've never taken me or my feelings into consideration. I've over all of this. I do not need your "friendship". So Don't darken my doorstep again".
Obviously thats not really the right way to go about things...any suggestions on how to word this in a firm way?
We grew up on the otherside of the world and met when we went to high school at the age of 12/13. We were never close friends but always got on well. She moved to the UK a few years after me and we became quite good friends. About 4 years ago she decided to move home.
She has let me down countless times. I've always been the one to intiate BBM's to give her support (I know her sisters and there is always a drama going on)
So she got married earlier this month and did invite me to the wedding (back home) but the only contact I've had from her in the last 6 months was the invitation which was sent 3 weeks before the wedding. It would have cost over £1000 for me to fly out for the wedding as it was so last minute.
So today I got an email asking what's up? Why has she not heard from me etc.
I want to say "How dare you even ask that? You have never treated me like a friend, you've never taken me or my feelings into consideration. I've over all of this. I do not need your "friendship". So Don't darken my doorstep again".
Obviously thats not really the right way to go about things...any suggestions on how to word this in a firm way?
Man plans and God laughs...
Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry. But by demonstrating that all people cry, laugh, eat, worry and die, it introduces the idea that if we try to understand each other, we may even become friends.
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You don't 'break up' with friends, just don't reply, let it die its own death. If she lives a £1000 flight away she isn't going to be dropping by to follow up.
I don't think it was wrong for her to invite you to her wedding though, whatever her other crimes are I'd let that one go.0 -
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She doesn't sound like a friend more like an aquaintance.
If you've not seen each other for months I'm not sure why you need a DO anything -you've already drifted far apart.I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0 -
Person_one wrote: »I don't think it was wrong for her to invite you to her wedding though, whatever her other crimes are I'd let that one go.
I appreciate her inviting me... what I don't appreciate is that she didn't let me know what the date was more than 3 weeks in advance. An email as soon as the venue had been booked would have meant that I could have got reasonably priced flights. But obviously she didn't really care if I was there or not.
It was a Facebook message so I guess defriending her is one way to go...Man plans and God laughs...Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry. But by demonstrating that all people cry, laugh, eat, worry and die, it introduces the idea that if we try to understand each other, we may even become friends.0 -
how about just be polite & civil but keep comments closed. There is no point getting wound up about her not getting in touch & you having to initiate contact everytime life is too short, she will either buck her ideas up or the friendship will fizzle out.
Just something along the lines of "i've been quite busy with easter plans/childrens activities/general mundane day to day, I hope you are well & the wedding went well".
By replying & being civil it keeps you looking reasonable & doesn't fully close the door that not replying would imo.
I had a similar thing at new years, a text of best wishes in a very familiar way from an unknown number, sent best wishes back but enquiring who it was as I didn't have the number, the response back advised it was a childhood friend but was phrased in a way that they expected me to have known it was them. They had changed their number & not bothered to tell me, the half dozen conversations I had with the person would always following the same pattern; them inviting me out me confirming date & asking for a time or advising alternative dates, hear nothing further until the next repeat or me making contact wishing well suggesting a meet up, agreement meeting would be good suggest dates/want dates suggested, repeat as above. I miss speaking to them & will reply if they get in touch & enquire after me but I can not be doing groundhog day everytime we think about meeting up.- Mortgage: 1st one down, 2nd also busted
- Student Loan gone
Swagbucks, Mingle, GiffGaff, Prolific, Qmee & Quidco; thank you MSE every little bit helps0 -
She doesn't sound like a friend more like an aquaintance.
If you've not seen each other for months I'm not sure why you need a DO anything -you've already drifted far apart.
You're right, we were friends and now we are more like aquaintences who have known each other for most of our lives. I suppose I have always run away from these situations by just ignoring them and that has usually left me feeling cowardly. Maybe there are things that I have done (I am sure there are but I really can't think of any) which is why she let me down time and again.Man plans and God laughs...Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry. But by demonstrating that all people cry, laugh, eat, worry and die, it introduces the idea that if we try to understand each other, we may even become friends.0 -
Maybe there are things that I have done (I am sure there are but I really can't think of any) which is why she let me down time and again......................I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)0
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OP, she doesnt sound like a friend at all in my opinion!!!!, I have been in a very similiar situation recently where Ive decided to call it quits with one of my so called best friends but after a year of no contact( we dont live in the same continent) but there is no excuse whatsoever even after numerous attempts of contacting her, Ive decided I dont need her in my life, I have found people like that will only contact you when they need something from you........ and thats just not good enough, I think in your case its her getting married!!!!! So dont feel guilty........!LOVE isn't finding someone you can live with. It's finding someone you can't live WITHOUT0
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We will still have friends in common, so I really want to firmly say no, but don't want to be a cow. She is obviously and hopefully very happy with her new marriage and I don't want to upset her... but I also want her to know that it takes two to have a friendshipMan plans and God laughs...Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry. But by demonstrating that all people cry, laugh, eat, worry and die, it introduces the idea that if we try to understand each other, we may even become friends.0
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So you want her to know you don't appreciate being messed about....but don't want to look bad to mutual friends ?
You might want to make a point but the more firmly you make it the more likely mutual friends or aquaintances may see you as "the bad guy".
Sometimes it's better to just let things goI Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0
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