harassment spiralled out of control

gb12345

SuzyZ wrote: »

My neighbour suggested blackmail.

SuzyZ wrote: »

The neighbour is my mum's neighbour not mine and it was when my mother spoke to her about this that she mentioned the gay blackmailing.

If you're going to lie to cover up your narrow-minded view at least have the intelligence to keep to the same story.

notanewuser

SuzyZ wrote: »

The neighbour was there. She's actually experienced in HR in outside fields (associations) and qualified NLP practitioner - but then again I expect someone will jump on me/her for both those. The neighbour is my mum's neighbour not mine and it was when my mother spoke to her about this that she mentioned the gay blackmailing.

But yet again, I suppose my mother's views (not homophobic) etc or my neighbours will be dragged into this.

Thanks for your advice though.

So you blabbed to your mum, who then blabbed to your neighbour. Lovely family.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

SuzyZ wrote: »

I'm sure they don't read this forum. It must only be saddos like SarEl etc who post here. oh, sorry, forgot she doesn't do that now. or who are frustrated employment solicitors.

Oh dear. If you are going to insult people, please do it properly. Muppet.

mountainofdebt

Wow

I was going to congratulate you on being so lucky to walk away with a FWW.

But on reflection, mainly after your subsequent posts, I have no doubt that your employer would be well rid of you, so good luck with your interviews.

(though you do realise your employer can include the fact that you're on a FWW in any reference?)

saintjammyswine

"Have been told I could potentially blackmail boss as if stuff re b*ggery and him being gay came out in press it would destroy him as solicitor" Knowing many gay men and women in a variety of professions, including medicine and law I still don't understand this, how would it "destroy him"?

Rottensocks

Ok let's put it this way. I think my boss is scared about people knowing he's gay. This is going on what his friend/secretary tells me.

His sex life is his business but I'm more shocked someone I knew a few months told me this and other facts re my boss.

That secretary doesn't sound like a 'friend' of the boss. I'm not sure anything she tells you could/should be treated as a 'fact' about your boss.

.But, I am even more amazed that your neighbour has HR experienced but advised attempting homophobic black mail in a disciplinary hearing! Amazing!

It sounds to me like the neighbour was possibly the worst possible person to have assisting you in a disciplinary: I presume she wasn't allowed to speak on your behalf, and as a result you appear to have kept your job!

It sounds to me as though you have felt victimised about some other things going on at work, but have mistakenly jumped on Facebook and office gossip as a means to strike back: That was a mistake I think, as you now find yourself with a FWW and probably with compromised credibility within your workplace.

In terms of harassment etc, the correct thing to do would have been to carry on logging instances of harassment and raise as calmly as possible with HR without seeking the satisfaction of retaliation.

ILW

OP gives the impression of liking a drink or two.

SuzyZ

Rottensocks wrote: »

That secretary doesn't sound like a 'friend' of the boss. I'm not sure anything she tells you could/should be treated as a 'fact' about your boss.

.But, I am even more amazed that your neighbour has HR experienced but advised attempting homophobic black mail in a disciplinary hearing! Amazing!

I don't think my neighbour WOULD have gone down that route generally, I think it would have been a last result should I have been unfairly dismissed etc. I agree it was unwise and said neighbour has never brought this side up again.

It sounds to me like the neighbour was possibly the worst possible person to have assisting you in a disciplinary: I presume she wasn't allowed to speak on your behalf, and as a result you appear to have kept your job!

She was allowed to speak on my behalf and did a very good job.

It sounds to me as though you have felt victimised about some other things going on at work, but have mistakenly jumped on Facebook and office gossip as a means to strike back: That was a mistake I think, as you now find yourself with a FWW and probably with compromised credibility within your workplace.

In terms of harassment etc, the correct thing to do would have been to carry on logging instances of harassment and raise as calmly as possible with HR without seeking the satisfaction of retaliation.

I wasn't even going to bother coming here to update the situation but I will now.

My boss actually told me that he didn't want to give me any sort of warning (actually it's a written warning not FWW) but as it was a work situation he had to do something. Yes, credibility has been compromised but my boss now realises I should have raised a problem as soon as I mistakenly saw an email and it got out of hand.

we don't have a HR person. Yes, I admit I have anger issues and have been seeing a therapist for problems relating to the bullying/harassment and working on the anger related to it.

It also stems down to the fact that one of the ladies involved is the wife of an ex-family friend of my mum's and she is jealous/insecure and obviously dislikes us or has control issues. Also we're a very small office so problems can arise there.

I did not feel victimised about anything prior to this apart from not getting a payrise I'd asked for. I was perfectly happy and calm in my job before I saw mistakenly (IT guy gave me a password etc) an email slating me and my mother and my personal life.

I intend to draw a line under this now at work and hopefully the warning will cease after 6 months. My boss has said in an informal chat with me that he is happy with my work/conduct otherwise so I'm pleased with that.

SuzyZ

ILW wrote: »

OP gives the impression of liking a drink or two.

Can't think where it says that but that has no bearing on this.

SuzyZ

saintjammyswine wrote: »

"Have been told I could potentially blackmail boss as if stuff re b*ggery and him being gay came out in press it would destroy him as solicitor" Knowing many gay men and women in a variety of professions, including medicine and law I still don't understand this, how would it "destroy him"?

I've been told by 2 people he isn't OUT as a gay man.

I don't know many openly gay people in that many professions but I don't tend to seek them out. Maybe he would be fine, who knows.

To be honest despite what's stated here I do not care about his sexual orientation. This was an ill advised comment from a neighbour (my mum's, yes, not mine but they used to be my neighbours) to potentially expose him if I were unfairly dismissed. I agree this was totally ill-advised.