Not sure if I should be best man!

valk_scot

I'd just tell him straight that you'd be honoured to be his best man but that you haven't got the inclination nor the budget to be going abroad for the stag do. And that if he thought that in the light of this he'd prefer to choose another best man then you'd quite understand and not hold it against him.

Finito.

I'd cut my arm off before I went on a drunken hen night even for an hour for free, let alone a weekend. That would go x100 if I was expected to pay for it but mostly it would be because I HATE that sort of thing, I didn't actually bother with a hen do when I got married, for that very reason. So I'm with you on this...if you don't want to go, just say so.


As to being best man, often the bride wants all the male attendees to match re morning suits or kilts or whatever so just smile and go with it. As long as they pay, why worry?

pawsies

If you are arranging it surely you could do a budget holiday i.e. stay in hostels, get cheap flights and find out where the cheapest places to eat/drink are beforehand.

purple.sarah

I can understand not being able to afford to go away for the weekend, discuss it with your friend and see if you can find a compromise. Maybe you could go on a night out to the pub with him instead and someone else could organise the weekend away. If the couple want you to wear a particular outfit for the wedding they should pay for it so don't worry about that. The most important thing is to decide whether you can be best man and let your friend know as soon as possible.

Bella73

I understand the not wishing to go away bit and would just come out with it honestly that you don't wish to go end of.

As for the kilt if they are paying for it then I would just wear it.

We had our best man matching my husbands outfit but we paid for the hire and he was happy to wear it, it is quite common these days for the men to wear matching outfits.

Last year we were invited to hen and stag weekends away. I did go on the hen weekend and had a great time, however, my husband didn't want to go on the stag weekend as it really wasn't his cup of tea, he just told them straight away he wasn't going and there was no problem. They did an evening out as well so he went to that. Could you arrange a local evening out so all those that couldn't go can join in?

It does irk me slightly that couples not only expect you to part with your cash on their whim but also your holiday time from work.

thunderbird

If you can't afford the stag do, then just tell him you can't. But do it quick before he starts booking anything.

Bangton

I'd pay up if I could afford..he's your friend, it's his wedding and you are best man (although you mention friend from school rather than best friend?). Plus it's hardly like he is asking you for £250 to do something boring...a weekend away is bound to be good fun.

If you can't afford though then it's a no brainer ...you'll have to tell him!

**Patty**

Actually, I'm with Stebiz on this.

I find it incredibly rude to ask someone to be best man.....which traditionally is meant to organise the stag do.......and then tell them what they are doing.

If people choose to not get married until they are 40ish......then they should accept that positions like best man/chief bridesmaid/ushers etc..........Many of the people you might ask have children & families & work commitments!

You can't be expected to drop everything & spend a fortune just because your mate wants you to! (and wants to do the things you did 20 years ago )

Kynthia

Tell him asap. Then offer to organise the local night out for the larger group of friends and family that can't go on the foreign stag do. He'll decide whether it's a deal breaker regarding the best man position.

Person_one

**Patty** wrote: »

Actually, I'm with Stebiz on this.

I find it incredibly rude to ask someone to be best man.....which traditionally is meant to organise the stag do.......and then tell them what they are doing.

If people choose to not get married until they are 40ish......then they should accept that positions like best man/chief bridesmaid/ushers etc..........Many of the people you might ask have children & families & work commitments!

You can't be expected to drop everything & spend a fortune just because your mate wants you to! (and wants to do the things you did 20 years ago )

I don't think its anything to do with the age he's getting married, this might shock you but not everybody is lucky enough to meet someone they want to spend their life with before the age of 25!

Its always rude to spend other people's money for them, and its always self centred to expect other people to care so much about your wedding they'll fork out hundreds of pounds and days of annual leave, whether you're 20, 40 or 75.

scotnan

You've obviously known each other a long time and are pretty close as he's asked you to be his best man so I'd just be honest with him and say that, due to your family committments, you really can't stretch to the stag do however the 2 of you could have a night out locally.

As long as he's paying for the outfit he wants you to wear at the wedding then I'd go along with it. If he's expecting you to pay for it and you really can't afford it then again be honest and say so and tell him that while you're honoured you were asked to be his best man you totally understand if he wants to ask someone else - no hard feelings.

But tell NOW rather than letting it go on till it's too late.