Not sure if I should be best man!

stebiz

You guys helped me out on another post so I'm hoping you can do the same again. A friend from school has asked me to be Best Man. He asked me last year and I happily agreed. I married nearly 20 years ago. He left it a lot, lot later.

Now it appears he expects us all to go on a weekend away. A couple of hundred miles away and have a stag do. Mine was local - a stag night in the pubs. He wants the whole caboodle. He also wants to dress me up with the kit on wedding day, whereas to be honest I'd rather wear my own stuff but I'll go along with it. However I'm not prepared to spend £250 on a weekend of booze. I have a family and a lot of expenses. To be honest I'd rather pay the credit card billsand put the money towards better use.

Thoughts please?

Person_one

Its pretty standard for the best man to wear what he's told on the wedding day, as long as they're paying for your outfit that's fine.

Stag and hen parties have got way out of hand though, so I sympathise. You can be best man without going on the weekend away though, why don't you tell him you'd be happy to do that?

marisco_2

Tricky one. I guess it would all be part of being the best mans duties that you attend the stag do. Not sure what the etiquette on that is though. Hopefully some blokes will be along in a minute to confirm that.

I would make such a decision based on how good friends you are. This is someone who you have known an awful long time. It is quite a priveledge to be asked by someone to have such an important role on their wedding day. To be honest if your finances could stretch I would go along on the stag do and enjoy the build up to the wedding with a close friend.

You hope that this special day only happens once in your life and that of your friends. I wouldn't give up on it for the sake of a couple of hundred pounds.

System

stebiz wrote: »

I'd rather wear my own stuff but I'll go along with it. However I'm not prepared to spend £250 on a weekend of booze. I have a family and a lot of expenses. To be honest I'd rather pay the credit card bills and put the money towards better use.

Thoughts please?

The sooner you can tell him this the better, I think.

Person_one

marisco wrote: »

Tricky one. I guess it would all be part of being the best mans duties that you attend the stag do. Not sure what the etiquette on that is though. Hopefully some blokes will be along in a minute to confirm that.

I would make such a decision based on how good friends you are. This is someone who you have known an awful long time. It is quite a priveledge to be asked by someone to have such an important role on their wedding day. To be honest if your finances could stretch I would go along on the stag do and enjoy the build up to the wedding with a close friend.

You hope that this special day only happens once in your life and that of your friends. I wouldn't give up on it for the sake of a couple of hundred pounds.

Traditionally, best man and chief bridesmaid plan and go on the hen/stag do. However they used to be one boozy night out locally not a weekend away!

ognum

Stebiz, I don't really understand why you can't do this, you have agreed to stand by your friend on an important day in his life and you are changing your mind because you may have to wear a suit and go out for the evening!

Come on, this is a bit like your daughter going away, it's time to take life in both hands and say I can do this.

You get to put on a suit have some great pics taken with you family and have another day to remember. You also have a stag do to go to that you go to on your terms.

Talk with your friend, explain you have a family to support and no a lot of money but you will be happy to support him and be there for him.

I assume it is you who has saved the money for your daughters trip, it sound like you would do anything for your wife and other children. think about creating some happy memories with your friend. Life is short, friends are hard to come by. Go out with him, have a good time and try to enjoy it.

As I said before life is a journey, we learn about ourselves along the way, you have a good friend who just wants a small part of you for a short part of the journey. Enjoy it!

stebiz

ognum wrote: »

Stebiz, I don't really understand why you can't do this, you have agreed to stand by your friend on an important day in his life and you are changing your mind because you may have to wear a suit and go out for the evening!

Come on, this is a bit like your daughter going away, it's time to take life in both hands and say I can do this.

You get to put on a suit have some great pics taken with you family and have another day to remember. You also have a stag do to go to that you go to on your terms.

Talk with your friend, explain you have a family to support and no a lot of money but you will be happy to support him and be there for him.

I assume it is you who has saved the money for your daughters trip, it sound like you would do anything for your wife and other children. think about creating some happy memories with your friend. Life is short, friends are hard to come by. Go out with him, have a good time and try to enjoy it.

As I said before life is a journey, we learn about ourselves along the way, you have a good friend who just wants a small part of you for a short part of the journey. Enjoy it!

It's not the suit. I'll go along with that although I can't really see why I have to wear a particular suit when I have very suitable ones myself.

Really not sure about going to another Country though.

Person_one

stebiz wrote: »

It's not the suit. I'll go along with that although I can't really see why I have to wear a particular suit when I have very suitable ones myself.

Really not sure about going to another Country though.

Hang on, is it the money or the fact that its out of your comfort zone?

Is this something else that could be helped by going to your GP for some help with your depression/anxiety issues?

bagpussbear

I think it's perfectly acceptable to be honest with your friend, and say you can't afford to do a weekend away, but will treat him to a meal and drinks one night before the wedding, just the two of you, something like that.

I too don't get this weekend away stag/hen thing either, too over the top for my liking, don't be pressurised to go.

stebiz

Person_one wrote: »

Hang on, is it the money or the fact that its out of your comfort zone?

Is this something else that could be helped by going to your GP for some help with your depression/anxiety issues?

If I'm honest it's 50/50. Hence the reason I'd rather put my money to good use on the family.

marisco_2

Person_one wrote: »

Traditionally, best man and chief bridesmaid plan and go on the hen/stag do. However they used to be one boozy night out locally not a weekend away!

That is what I thought. They have gone barmy now and it does risk people not being able to afford to join in. Which I think is such a shame. It should be all about who you are with, not where you are located.