He's divorcing Me!

Lexxi

pigpen wrote: »

You can counter petition or you can say while you disagree with the reasons stated in the petition you are willing to go ahead with the divorce.. KH threatened to do this to me so I got in first and divorced him.

Do you mind me asking what you put, adultery, unreasonable behaviour etc? He told me I would need more than one example of unreasonable behaviour.

I never got married to get divorced, I want a little bit of time to regroup, get settled, before he starts attacking me on all my shortcomings again. He's making it sound like he has the paperwork to hand in the next day.

fluffnutter

The reason for a divorce (adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion, separated for two years) have no bearing on the financial outcome. You won't be worse off simply because you've been having a bit of extra-curricular.

Frith

Whatever reason either of you gives for divorcing, it will only be mentioned in the first petition. The judge will not refer to it, it will have no bearing on how the money is shared out and there is no reason for anyone else to know.

If you want to divorce him for unreasonable behaviour, the unreasonableness can be anything you want! Working too many hours, grumpiness - anything.

If you have a look at a Form D81 online, that is what you will fill in to sort out your finances. It will give you a guide and you will know which documents to find (it takes an age to get copies of statements, pension forecasts etc).

https://www.gov.uk/money-property-when-relationship-ends/apply-for-consent-order

C_Mababejive

I dont see the problem. You are married,you had a "fling" whatever that is. There are no children involved. He now wants a divorce so get divorced and both go your separate ways.

It might be informative if you could outline the nature of your "fling" as it seems that you believe it was only a casual d'alliance and not ,as your husband might see it, adultery .

geri1965_2

I was in a similar situation when my marriage ended. It had irretrievably broken down and there was no hope of a reconciliation - he had behaved appallingly to me and I just didn't love him any more. I told him I wanted a divorce and we separated. I didn't want to get into the blame game and my plan was to divorce after two years and do the paperwork myself.

However, during the time we were separated I started a relationship with someone else and out of the blue I received a letter from solicitors advising me he was petitioning for divorce on the grounds of adultery! I was incensed and at first not prepared to go along with it, however, my mum said I should agree to it just to get rid of him. At the end of the day nobody really cares about why a couple got divorced, so I agreed to it.

Some people find it easier to blame someone else than look at their own role in the breakdown.

thorsoak

How long were you married? You could counterclaim, citing unreasonable behaviour (sexting, etc) and that the marriage had irretrievably broken down when you left him.

It would seem that there is no financial connection between the pair of you - and you can handle your divorce on your own - the court clerks are very helpful generally to people who are acting without legal advice.

pigpen

Lexxi wrote: »

Do you mind me asking what you put, adultery, unreasonable behaviour etc? He told me I would need more than one example of unreasonable behaviour.

I never got married to get divorced, I want a little bit of time to regroup, get settled, before he starts attacking me on all my shortcomings again. He's making it sound like he has the paperwork to hand in the next day.

Unreasonable behaviour.. you usually need 3 examples.. Inappropriate associations with other woman (he was actually having an affair) jealous/controlling/possessive behaviour (he would take early lunches from work to check I was not talking to people in the park whe I took my 3 year old) constant aggression/threats of violence (he was barred from 3 pubs shortly after he left for fighting) .. but stuff like controlling behaviour, anything that restricts your freedom or could damage your self esteem or be thought as abusive. not allowing you money for necessary items. Pretty much anything goes.

By the time our divorce got underway I was just pregnant with my OH's child, she was born 3 months before my divorce came through.. we had been separated 9 months before I applied for the divorce and I did it because I wanted to divorce him not vice versa... it has made no difference to any aspect of my life since.

FatVonD

I think you should just agree to it, what a fantastic message to send to him 'I'm so glad to be rid of you that I'm prepared to take the blame even though we both know the truth'

duchy

Ultimately if the marriage is over for you both emotionally it comes down to a piece of paper.

In your shoes I'd be very calm and tell him if wants a divorce on the grounds of adultery he can have one - but you're not naming the man (as both you and your ex know he wasn't the reason you split)and that if he doesn't like it he will have to find other grounds which you'll contest and cost him money or wait and seperate later on seperation.

You DO need legal advice on the financial side however and I personally would suggest you don't waste half an hour of free advice on the grounds but use it to protect yourself financially !

meer53

FatVonD - you took the words right out of my mouth !