leaving children on their own?

sparrer

glitter_fairy wrote: »

Thank you for all your replies. I have just heard back from my client who say she does not mind me bring then along im so relived.

I'm also very relieved your client has agreed. Have read the thread all the way through and completely understand all points of view - some would, some wouldn't, some children are too young, some sensible and so on.

No-one can ever say their children are 100% safe. At the age of 8 I was a 'latchkey kid', didn't know what one was, had never heard of it so it didn't affect me. I laid the fire, did the veg etc., before our mother got home. I was always perfectly at ease with it.

When I was 14 and my sister 16 there was the most horrific accident in the house. Mother was at work when it happened. I won't go into details but as a result my sister, then 16, died. She wasn't doing anything she shouldn't, it was exactly what I said, an accident. Obviously it's something I could never forget and vowed always to be there for my own children when they were growing up.

Some may say this is an extreme case and yes of course it is, but extremes don't just happen to 'other people'. We were the other people that day, I hate to think anyone here is going to be.

To lighten the mood, my OH and I went to a bbq three doors up when my own DD was 15. We said we'd be back at 10pm, at 10.30pm she phoned the police! It's a wonder we weren't grounded but it taught us never to be late again

FatVonD

My parents left me when I was 10 to go to visit my nan for the afternoon. I was outside playing at the park, slipped and ended up needing stitches in my chin. They returned to be told I'd been taken to hospital

Heffi1

My daughter used to take a flight up and down the country to get to and from boarding school from the age of 11, she never came to any harm and has turned out to be the most mature person in her peer group.

As much as we might worry about them, sometimes we do need to let them leave our side and learn some of lifes lessons themselves.

Of course in all of this, there has to be an emergency plan for when things might go wrong, but if you teach your child that they are capable of doing something, then you will be amazed at how they grow in confidence and maturity.

Unlike the young person I worked with, who at the age of 25, had never cooked herself a meal, washed her own clothes, been left unattended in the family home and was scared of the prospect of being by herself. This young woman was due to be married, and I do often wonder what her new husband must have made of that...

FBaby

It's a very sad story sparrer, but as you've shown, accidents do happen, even at an age that is considered responsible. Children suffer from accidents all the time despite being in the care of their parents.

This is what is important to me, to learn not to smother my kids because of a very unlikely accident that could happen. It goes against my maternal instinct, but personally, I would feel dreadful that my 15 year old would feel so anxious she would feel the need to call the police because of her parents being only 1/2 hour late.

However, I do respect that when it has happened to you, it is much harder to do and I expect I would be the same if I had experienced what you had.

poet123

I think it is easy to say well I did xyz with my children and they turned out to be very mature responsible adults, but, imo there is a danger of bolstering our decisions with hindsight.

The fact is that no child ever turned into an immature clinging monster from being properly supervised up to an appropriate age. It is what that age is that is at issue.

Mine were never left till they were very early teens and they came to no harm and have turned into responsible independent adults. So, saying your child did xyz at a much younger age and deciding that fact is why they are mature for their age is moot, that alone does not prove causation.

FBaby

Of course not, but then I believe that the generation of young adults are incredibly immature, overly reliant on their parents, more and more suffering from anxiety and stress and that one of the reasons is because they were over protected as children. However, this is not a individual direct causation.

My son has a tendency to have low self-esteem. Always had even as a toddler (whereas his sister was always over confident). It is through giving him responsibities and him realising that he is capable of achieving things independently that his self-esteem has really grown. It is lovely to see him having grown into a confident young boy rather than limited by anxieties.

zagfles

FBaby wrote: »

It's a very sad story sparrer, but as you've shown, accidents do happen, even at an age that is considered responsible. Children suffer from accidents all the time despite being in the care of their parents.

This is what is important to me, to learn not to smother my kids because of a very unlikely accident that could happen. It goes against my maternal instinct, but personally, I would feel dreadful that my 15 year old would feel so anxious she would feel the need to call the police because of her parents being only 1/2 hour late.

However, I do respect that when it has happened to you, it is much harder to do and I expect I would be the same if I had experienced what you had.

Agreed, and the other thing to remember is that by taking your child out with you, you're not eliminating risk, you're just replacing one risk with another. A 30 ton truck driver could have a heart attack and plough into the back of your car. A road accident is likely to be a greater risk than a sensible, capable child being left home alone.

Shepherd1

I think some people on this thread have been very lucky that nothing has happened to their children, nothing to do with how responsible the parents think they are.

I think one person said they let their 9 year old get a bus home and let themselves into the house to wait for an hour. Totally iresponsible on the parents part what if the child walked in while the house is being broken into or fell and knocked themselves out or 100 other things that could go wrong.

To say well accidents happen is just wrong a 9 year old is a child and should be cared for as such.

lostinrates

Shepherd1 wrote: »

I think some people on this thread have been very lucky that nothing has happened to their children, nothing to do with how responsible the parents think they are.

I think one person said they let their 9 year old get a bus home and let themselves into the house to wait for an hour. Totally iresponsible on the parents part what if the child walked in while the house is being broken into or fell and knocked themselves out or 100 other things that could go wrong.

To say well accidents happen is just wrong a 9 year old is a child and should be cared for as such.

My mother's first child had a terrible situation in the supervision of her father. I am not going to go into details, like sparer, but it was horrific. It would have been very easy not to give subsequent children a claustrophobic or overprotective childhood, but I am really glad that's not what I had. Like soMe one else above, at nine I was flying alone to go to school or back to my parents and later was a latchkey kid, and spent a lot of time exploring by myself in both situations.

Similarly, dh had a live in nanny to support two parents who had more time at home than most parents and yet the things they used to get up to horrofy me....tails of climbing out onto the roof, and burning matches in the attic, nobody ever finding out.

FBaby

Shepherd1 wrote: »

I think one person said they let their 9 year old get a bus home and let themselves into the house to wait for an hour. Totally iresponsible on the parents part what if the child walked in while the house is being broken into or fell and knocked themselves out or 100 other things that could go wrong.

To say well accidents happen is just wrong a 9 year old is a child and should be cared for as such.

That would be me:D and you comment makes no sense to me! As zaggle says, many things could happen whilst under my care. Some parents do seem to think they have super powers protecting their children against all harm.... nothing more than wishful thinking. I don't live my life on what ifs that only have one chance in a million to happen. I am often home on my own...I could fall and knocked myself out. What would happen them?

As I've said before, I allowed my boy to come home on the bus because I had assessed that he was capable or it AND it was something he wanted to do. His teacher knew and supported it, as did his previous childcare provider. So do the neighbours, grand parents etc... Many people who could have called social services if they had a hint of concern.

To say that we are just lucky that he has remained safe is no different to say that you've been lucky that you haven't been killed in a car accident yet. I strongly believe that I have assessed the risk appropriately and that the benefit to my son's self-esteem significantly overtake the extremely small added risk of him coming home on the bus rather than with me in the car.