Thinking of moving in with other man- am I mad?

MonkeySaving?

I'll have you too as well Cate, in my book 3 is no crowd!

MonkeySaving?

Zara33 wrote: »

Perhaps the Op would be better living by herself for a while, instead of just jumping into a bed with another man so quickly.

Humor, funneh, do you get it?
EDIT/ However to turn down me would be literally illegal don't you know!

Zara33

Oh another saturday night troll, what a load of tripe!

wifeforlife

MonkeySaving? wrote: »

I'll have you too as well Cate, in my book 3 is no crowd!

Ooooohhhh I'm newly single too, you lucky person lol

Cate

MonkeySaving?

Zara33 wrote: »

Oh another saturday night troll, what a load of tripe!

lol, no troll, just trying to liven up this section of the board (in a good way).. it's got too serious of late

Ellie2758

Whatever yu do, DONT give up your job. The other chap sounds a nightmare in the making - read back what you've written about him. His only attractive quality is that he provides an escape from your present situation. this clearly needs resolving - spending 15 -30 mins a day with your partner is ludicrous in the extreme. Dont exchange one set of problems for another. If necessary, leave your current partner - but only after you have discussed how unhappy you are and made sure he realises that you are serious.

Good luck.

Eels100

I hope you feel better today, OP. I just wanted to add that it sounds like your OH is trying too hard - he's working so he can fulfil the traditional 'breadwinner' role (men love that macho stuff) and he's also trying to maintain his 'single' life. By that I don't mean his life before you - I mean the freedom that comes with being young, having money and being part of a childless couple. It sounds like he's really struggling (OK, failing totally) to make the transition to family man. I wonder what sort of family he comes from - was it very traditional perhaps, what sort of examples has he had to learn from? Perhaps he's leading this lifestyle because he thinks that's what he's supposed to do, and he thinks that's what will make you happy?

I second all the others - finish one thing before starting another. If things go pear-shaped you have an awful lot to lose, so don't make any plans with this other (slightly dubious-sounding) individual. I think (by the way you speak about him) deep in your heart you know he's not good news.

You need to talk to your hubby - perhaps ask a friend to look after your daughter some evening. How you go about it is up to you - nice meal/bottle of wine/serious sit-down, whatever you feel will work. My only advice which I really think is important is to pick an angle, a single issue, and talk it through without allowing a long list of petty problems come to the fore. It's really easy when you have been troubled for a long time to find yourself ranting and raving and bringing up minor irritations - sometimes it's like a flood gate has opened. But this will make it difficult for him to understand clearly exactly what's bothering you. For example, the issue with his behaviour around your dog is not unimportant, but I think a priority would be to discuss your feelings of abandonment and loneliness, explaining that the extra money doesn't make you happy, and that you feel you don't get any emotional benefit from the relationship.

I really hope you find a solution :grouphug:

that's_another_fine_mess!

Thank you all so much for your support. I decided on Saturday night that fantasising about someone else and moaning about my life wasn't going to change anything, so i asked my partner to spend yesterday with me and the baby. we had an ok morning (bit odd really, as we haven't had anything to talk about for so long, I don't think we quite knew what to say, but nice to be together). We had lunch out and I could see that he was getting a bit grumpy and didn't really know how to interact with the baby and, by the time we had been home for an hour, he was starting to get quite cross with her as she was clingy and grizzly. Eventually he stuck her in the cot and shut the door, saying that it was my fault she's like that, I should just leave her to entertain herself and learn to be on her own and 'why do I let her act like that?'. well, I sat him down and said I'd had enough. I was firm and took everyone's advice, but I didn't nag- just said I have felt like leaving every day for months and I'm unhappy and lonely and he has no idea how hard it is to juggle everything. I did not mention anybody else.
He admitted that he had no idea babies were such hard work (and he only spent a few hours with her!) and thought I sat around all evening watching TV while she slept. I haven't watched a programme from start to finish, or even drunk a cup of tea whilst hot, since her birth! He said he would try to make an effort and, although we went to bed and were barely speaking, today he was lovely, phoned me at work and even cooked tea (for the first time in several years). He's out now but I'm hoping he meant it earlier when he said he loves us very much and wants to be with us- I'll see how early he comes in. I always imagined that 'love' was a sort of 'can't live without him' and 'can't bear to be parted' emotion that was absolutely all-consuming and which I've never experienced. Now I'm wondering if it's actually a sort of comfortable 'know him so well he's my best friend, I hope we get old together (and he's pretty fanciable as well)' sort of feeling instead- I'd say this is true of us.
With regard to the other chap- well, that's still complicated. I have spoken to him today and he certainly wasn't professing his undying love but did say he wants to see me outside work later in the week- I stalled on this. (I really don't think he is a good idea although he does make me feel like a ridiculous and quite pathetic teenager) I think that I respect him professionally and he knows exactly what to say to make me feel good and maybe that's clouding my judgement romantically. I do wonder if perhaps I see him as a challenge and that makes him more attractive, although God knows I don't need any more challenges in my life! I'm going to concentrate on trying to get back on track with my partner- I owe it to him and my daughter and see how it goes over the next few weeks. Thank-you all. X

tosca5

I think you are doing the right thing, give 100% in trying to work things out with your partner. We can all be side tracked and feel giddy when someone else shows us attention and imagine being with them. With what you have said previously about this other man,i don't think he'd be very trustworthy and how long would his compliments last? It would not be long before you totally realised what a huge mistake you made. Don't meet up with him, this will complicate things if your partner ever found out.
I really hope things work out for and sadly if they don't then you would be better on your own without rushing into the arms of another man.

MortgageMamma

I love this site when I read stuff like that. I replied in your other thread by not this one but just wanted to wish you, partner and baby best of luck. It might not be an overnight transformation but you have opened up the communication channels and that gives you so much more potential.

BTW, can you not get someone to babysit for an hour or two and go to the pub with him, sounds liek you need a break - I know how difficult it is being a careergirl and a mum and sometimes its nice to be neither just for a few hours

TC

MM x