Thinking of moving in with other man- am I mad?

Justie

I think it's been said but it's worth saying again - sort one mess out before creating another. If the relationship you're in is really that bad then fine end it but don't just move from that into another one or you'll never really know if you made the right choice.

wifeforlife

He is quite a bit older than me, a real flirt and has been in a serious long-term relationship with a married woman until recently. I've always liked him and used to daydream about us getting together although I had slight reservations as I think he is probably a bit selfish and could possibly be controlling.QUOTE]


These are just the lines that jump out at me most, the fact he was already involved with a married woman is shouting at me.

Also your husband is a workaholic, trying to build a good life for you and your daughter albeit you dont need him to and curses sometimes at a dog in front of you daughter.

Just sit back and re read things, compare the differences

I think he just doesnt honestly realise how lonely and upset you really are, the only way to deal with these things is to talk about them, I know you cant get a hold of him except at dinner, but make an appointment or get an evening out together where you can approach the subject in a controlled environment where it cant proceed to an arguement or confrontation.

Sometimes we all think the 'grass is greener on the other side'

I wish I could be of some really useful help but I can only support and point out the things I have noticed

cate

Fizog

As a Cinderella myself (though not with a baby - huge teenagers) Been there got the tee shirt. You need to sit OH down - book in a window in his busy week and tell him exactly how you feel....vis a vis relationship, working hours, baby, housework, everything. You may find he is surprised! Men are notoriously stupid at reading disgruntled body language. He is a builder right, macho man, I earn my living doing manly things, I play rugger/soccer with the lads, babies are women's work ditto housework unfortunately you made a rod for your own back when you worked long hours in your job and were quite happy to see OH when it suited you both.

I don't expect life has changed a lot for him pre baby

---

YOU HAVE.

You need a heart to heart with yourself you are a mummy who is very disgruntled, you are not a stupid women, so work this out, you know deep down what you really want.

that's_another_fine_mess!

Thank you all for your kind words and good advice- I was expecting a real telling off and i'm so pleased that everyone has been constructive. Sometimes, I feel as if this website is one of the few things that keeps me sane (sad huh!)
I have talked to my partner many times about the amount of hours he does but I really don't want to sound like a nagging wife as I'm scared that will make him work even more! I've also told him that I've felt like leaving and he seems genuinely upset at the thought. The only time it's made a difference though was when the baby was 2 months old and I hadn't seen him on his own for over a week, I was knackered and grumpy and he went to the pub with his friend until 1am. i had bags packed for me and the baby and was loading up the car when he got back (although I didn't actually have anywhere to go and hadn't thought it through). It was after this that he started taking an interest in her, and i've really encouraged them to have a close, loving bond. No matter what happens I wouldn't take this away.
I feel bad about moaning on here, after all lots of people are much worse off, but I'm terrified I'm about to make a decision which will have repercussions for the rest of my life.
I've just re-read some e.mails this chap has sent me, and they're lovely, and he's offering me the world. He is very honest about the other women in his life and says that he thinks he would want to commit to me. But then again, he travels all over the world and comes into contact with many gorgeous women, and I'm afraid he seems to phone or text to suit his timetable ie when he's at a loose end. I really enjoy his company, but I'm very concious (sp?) it is putting great pressure on my home and work lives.I've never instigated going out with him, as I feel disloyal enough to my partner already. I really am starting to think that another man is not the answer.
I've just re-read this and I sound pathetic and a complete cow! I think i'm going to sleep on your advice and have a chat with my partner when he comes in. Thank-you all XXX

MonkeySaving?

Why post in two threads!! Give me a call (PM First) and i'll show u who u should move in with

that's_another_fine_mess!

Quote "Why post in two threads!!"

Cos I'm hopeless with computer's! I pressed post new thread and everything went blank for about 10 seconds, so I pressed it again and got two threads...It wasn't intentional, but, hey, at least it came up and I didn't waste all that typing.

tomstickland

He is quite a bit older than me, a real flirt and has been in a serious long-term relationship with a married woman until recently.

Alarm bells are ringing. My guess is that it's the "grass is greener" effect and man no2 could be a mistake.

MonkeySaving?

tomstickland wrote: »

Alarm bells are ringing. My guess is that it's the "grass is greener" effect and man no2 could be a mistake.

The grass is definatley greener on my side of the fence! (endorsed by Martin see -> :money: )

wifeforlife

Your not sad, your not a cow as you so nicely put it, your a lovely wife, a good mum and are just lonely and finding the adjustment from career driven woman of the world to the most important person in the world for your child incredibly difficult and the lack of attention and company from your husband is compounding your feelings.

Sleep on it tonight and dont be afraid to come back and chat tomorrow, you'll probably get some off the cuff comments from some on here but they mean no harm really just constructive advise

Sleep well
Cate

Zara33

MonkeySaving? wrote: »

Why post in two threads!! Give me a call (PM First) and i'll show u who u should move in with

Perhaps the Op would be better living by herself for a while, instead of just jumping into a bed with another man so quickly.