Cant afford to live but cant afford for things to come crashing considering options

Goldblend_2

Ok, First diary.

Scared with feelings of hopelessness can be beaten -Right?

Been on the site before but all good intentions went out of the window - along with the heat i suspect - it's been so cold for months and i wonder if it will ever end. Life has been so rough the last 7 months and maybe i could always forsee "the day would come"

Have i the energy to put a positive spin on things? Luckly i have internet

I must try harder to pull myself out of this.

Looking at my current situation things are bleak in all aspects of life - must make goals! or finally decide what to do.

I'm hoping people won't judge me for being a fool- with everthing that has happened i hate myself but think i must try to be kinder and not so hard on myself to enable me to get things sorted ...if i am not too late that is.

First action - start a diary on MSE - done
Second action to be completed today - do SOA!!! :eek:
Third Action - be truthful and realistic about all aspects...

Maybe i'll just make that cuppa first and bung in two sugars for good measure as help and support will be needed.

HappyMJ

You can afford to live...you need to look at it differently by saying to yourself I can't afford to make full repayments on my debts so they need to be reduced. You could if it came down to it make no repayments on your debts and you will afford to live. Even if you had no income at all you could claim benefits if you were looking for work such as job seekers allowance which is £71.00 a week and gives you barely enough but enough money to live but not enough to make debt repayments. Having no money to pay debts isn't the end of it it's just means the creditors wll have to wait for their money. If they get impatient then you could if you really can't see a way out declare yourself bankrupt which means you can start again.

MrsOptimistic

Good luck with your journey - hope that cuppa eases you into the next step

Small baby steps go a long way and it sounds like you have already been on a journey.

Have subscribed, look forward to the next post!

x

Goldblend_2

Ok going through options...Excuse all the off loading but this could be good for me!!!

Today asked for pay rise - response NO :mad:
My boss is not negotiable - no pay rise can be given due to an EO policy. What an idiot.:rotfl:

The problems I have are my job expenses for travel are circa £350 per month which comes out of my wages although repaid but usually a month or 6 weeks later- so i have to juggle and pre-plan roughly what i can spend.

I am completely on my own so have no one to share problem with too much pressure on mum to share with mum -she is confused anyway so would not be of any assistance i love her so much I would do anything to spare her feelings.

Have borrowed 3.5K from mum's assets to keep roof over my head and things afloat for 7 months and dont think i can go DMP IVA bankrupt as gaurantor / responsible for mum with long term illness - mum would lose everything she has worked all her life to build up - me losing everything not an issue i cant do this to mum. Paying this back at 200 per month for next 12 months.

We live hundreds of miles apart i am in the south she is in the north. My employment and my employer is niche and I need to be based in the south. Cant get an extra job as currently work 50hr weeks with an hour and a half travel either side of this each day so 13 hr days - by the end of the week i'm exhausted and then some. Money for food is sometimes used for travel, or when particulary low cigarettes (I know)

Partner of 15 years left me with our 17k debt - guess what is all in my name -partner when i met him did not have a bank account ( should have been alarm bells right) partner -took everything - came home one day to find him and every scrap of things gone - says he loves me but can not face the debt so left me with it all -the fact he has acted so selfish helps a little with the huge heartbreak - although on occcasion still crying self to sleep because i cant believe this is what my life has come too. This was 7/8 months ago i was left with nothing- and i mean nothing i worked away for the week then came home you should have seen my face when i put the key in the door. Part of money borrowed from mum assests was used to get up to date with payments and 1.5k used to move to rent property somewhere cheaper. Partners mum is a total b*tch IMO as she was the one who told him to just do it -why bring up your son to have no morals.

I have not yet defaulted or missed payment on anything but things are so tight all payments up to date apart from what is due April. For the last two months I have been over the overdraft in my 3k overdraft only by a few days though..due to my work expenses!! wages get paid into here currently but hat worries me is i change my wages to different bank account the bank will call in overdraft and i think i will have to pay 150 a month back rather then the 40 interest leaving me a 50 shortfall each month - maybe i could make this up via ebay each month?

ANOTHER huge mistake so far - I remember it well i was on ebay and a banner came up i foolishly read a story about a big winner last monday and tried my luck on a gambling/bingo site obviously now i lost and gave up :mad: this has really put me in *** for April- i think if i sell some things i may be able to recover this ASAP.

Thankfully this will never happen again - i will barr myself from site just in case . This was extremely foolish but at the time seemed like the answer to all my problems - i think this has lead to today why i am beating myself up so much

Health wise - I must spend Sunday eating and resting to build up my strength. A few times this week i have felt my legs going from under me and shaking from stress - I am strong !! and i can do this - Yes Sat night /Sunday is time for PMA, Sleep and food.

Now need to look at SOA solutions & the positives and what to do next!!!

1st plus - started a diary so this should allow me to support myself in terms of letting it all out.

Massive hugs to anyone who is out there and needs it :A

patman99

As you appear to rent, would it be possible to rent somewhere closer to work ?. After all, every mile you reduce your travelling by, reduces your outgoings by a few pence.

Also try applying for H/B. I remember a few years back looking at renting and my local Council Housing Officer told me that after essential bills are paid (essential meaning Council Tax, Rent, Electric, Gas & Water) you should have £120 p/w left for other bills. If you don't, then you can get H/B to cover the shortfall. Got to be worth a try..

I had my LBM back in April 2010 when the firm I had worked-at for just over 16 years relocated abroad & I found myself on JSA. At the time, I had £47000 of debt. Now, I'm down below £43000. And this despite spending a year on JSA.

I still haven't done an SoA, but this is mainly because I purchased 'YNAB' way back in 2008 & it can tell me on a month-by-month basis whether or not I have spent more than I have had coming-in.

As you read through other DFDs on here, you will see you are not alone in your quest to conquer debt mountain and will get much support and encouragement.

Other boards worth a look are the 'Old-style money-saving' thread and the 'shopping' thread where you will find links to money-off coupons and other stuff.

MrsOptimistic

You do have people to share with now, we are all here to help and listen

Re the debt being left in your name - ditto - same happened to me back in 2005. It takes a long time to work through it all - not only the emotions of a relationship ending but also that of thinking what on earth are you to do!! Just turn it into a positive in that you are lucky that you did not have to spend another moment with such a person and that you deserve far more out of life.

Your health is so important both mentally and physically lovely. Make sure you do spend that time relaxing. Although I know how hard it is, my brain in in overdrive all the time!

Pop on that SOA and lets see what we can do to help xxx

Goldblend_2

Ok I have cut everything back to the bare minimum and listed every penny of debt...

But it does not include the work expenses for travel – need to speak to employer as unable to manage money with this being a factor – need to find out about company credit card or what if anything can be done to assist me ? don’t hold out much hope here...

So ....
Things to do today
1. Tidy home.
2. Tidy oneself – long bath – wash hair put on Nice PJ’s -sounds good.
3. Make a list of Food, Toiletries and things I have for this month.
4. Be kinder to self
5. Maybe get advice on DMP – find out how and if this will affect mum’s situation and the future?

Things to do tomorrow if achieved todays

1. Look at all inclusive rentals and or studio flats to minimise outgoings? Might be able to save something?
2. Do work expenses – see what money I have for work travel next month. Speak to evil boss about taking a week off .
3. Take back boots I brought in the sale to get refund they aren’t that nice anyway..;)
4. Maybe create pile of things to sell on ebay /gumtree.
5. Come back to MSE diary.

HappyMJ

The £350 travel that you mention...where does that appear in your SOA? You should include your net income less tax and NI only then put all the expenses down including anything that appears on your payslip.

and put £20 a month in your telephone bit so you can prepay it again in October.

Personally I think all your expenses are very low and no wonder you are thinking you can't afford to live.

You could put down what you would like to spend on each expense and then make an offer to your creditors. To repay £20,000 debt on £1,413 of income will be very difficult. If you own nothing I'd consider BR. BR allowance are very generous so will give you plenty of money to live.

beanielou

I think you need some specialised advice.
Why dont you try one of the debt charities?

patman99

I'm amazed that your employer has not issued you with a company credit card. They expect you to travel as part of your job so what would they do if you had no funds to actually pay for a business trip they need you to make ?.

houseboatdream

hi OP, Im sure the good people of DFW will be along with more advice and support.

Just wanted to ask - you dont say much about your mum and her illness,but have you got Power Of Attorney? you have to be very careful about what you do with money belonging to someone who does not have capacity. Having the money in your name can leave you open to problems and if you use it for yourself even more. It is quite easy to have an account in her name but where you operate it, if you have a POA.

You will sort this out, keep strong. It sounds very stressful and i know having an ill relative to look after who is a long way away is very difficult. I share your pain with the expenses too - i have to fund a car and then claim back at the end of the month. Employers - They just "assume" you have a credit card that covers it :mad: