Everyone wants my son, nobody wants me?

lindsaygalaxy

Oh Wogglywoo, I want to send you a big hug. You should be so proud of what you have achieved. I do however, think yo uhave so find some inner strength to continue on your upwards journey.

1. Your family. They are not family you need. My best friends' mum was cut out of her life. After years of lies, heartache and no support she decided enough was enough. 15 years later her mum occasionaly contacts her, but she rarely gets a birthday or xms card, and neither does her now husband or daughter. She sometimes feels sad that shes missing out, but having her mum in her life made her life worse not better. If you're family are not improving your life, cut them out. Your son does not need her, he needs a happy mum.

2. Your ex. I know you say you still love him, but do you think if you met someone else tomorrow you would feel the same? Ex's are an an ex for a reason. He needs to be around for your son. He should pay maintanance and step up to the mark. Hopefully you can both be friends for the sake of your son, and who knows, maybe one day. But for the time you need to focus on you and your son, gettng your qualifications and making your life how you want to. I was once interviewed for an online article to try and support others. It was about how I fell pregnant during Uni, carried on to get my degree, while being in an abusive relationship. Now I have 2 children, a wonderful partner and a professional job. Its not been easy, lots of bad times, but lots of good too. Financialy my life was a disaster until I got out of the relationship, and its taken me 10 years to get to where I am now. As much as I love most of my family, they havent always made it the easiest, as I often feel like im the mum and running their lives too at times. I have no relationship with my sister or grandad anymore, the constant put downs were too much in the end and it was easier to not talk or see them. I feel sad I dont have a sister relationship like I would like, but I have to whats best for my family.

Please stay strong, you have done so well. Do not let people drag you down. You have the power to choose who sees your son, start calling the shots and tell people what you want and how things are going to happen. x

Wicked_witch

I also remember your previous threads. I am very glad to hear that you now have a flat, huge step forward!

However, your Mum is a bad person. It really is as simple as that. Some people are just bad, no excuses, no traumatic childhoods, just bad. This means that you are under no obligation to let her see your son. In fact, I'd argue that you should not let her see him in order to protect him from the same emotional abuse you've suffered.

I can understand how you might feel that your ex partner is just another person taking advantage, but I think that's your family's behaviour twisting your thinking. While your ex behaved very badly, he was basically a kid at the time and has hopefully matured since then. But, if you don't want him to see your son, you don't have to let him.

You're an adult, you're in sole charge of yourself and your son now.

Very best wishes hon x

londonsurrey

A grandparent does not have automatic rights of access to a grandchild.

The courts will be more sympathetic to allowing a grandparent access to a child when it's an established relationship. You can decide now whether you want that relationship to become established.

heretolearn_2

I remember your other thread when you were at risk of homelessness and having to give up your course.

So look at yourself and see how very well you are doing, how you've tackled your problems positively, and how you and your son now have all the security you need (home, good career in future) and be very proud of yourself! :beer:

Let your son keep having a relationship with your ex, he needs his Dad, and you'll just have to cope with the feelings you have.

Your mum and other family. I don't think I've ever said this to anyone before, but i'd think very seriously about cutting them off. They are negative, selfish, nasty people who drag you down emotionally, and cause you real problems. Blood isn't always thicker than water, and you don't deserve what they are doing to you.

I think some counselling about your Dad, and everything else, might be a good idea. It's a chance to let it all out to someone neutral. Sharing things like your Dad with new friends is difficult, and i'm sorry you have been disappointed by their reaction, but to be honest I'm not sure how I could react to that tale either. What could I possibly say? A professional WILL know what to say to help you.

pigpen

Wicked_witch wrote: »

But, if you don't want him to see your son, you don't have to let him.

I doubt the courts would agree.. every child has a right to a relationship with the NRP.. It is important for children to know where they came from and know their parents.. both of them.. there would have to be a very very good reason for any parents to be denied contact.

If they have been absent for 10 years, they still have a right to contact!

beckysbobbles1

Please seek counselling as you have been through years of rejection and it's no wonder you feel the way you do.

dogcat_2

Just wanted to say WELL DONE on achieving so much! Life will get better for you....:)

marisco_2

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I need family but no matter what I do, I'm the 'exiled', crazy, mad, bad and dangerous one. I've never done anything to hurt anyone, just felt low in myself and I was punished for this.

Your mum has let you down terribly. She did little to support your dad and has carried on in the same way with you all your life. I am shocked by things she has said and done. No mum who had an ounce of love or compassion for their child could behave as she has done.

I would not trust her to be looking after a child of mine. I think she sounds unstable and not fit to care for a little one. God only knows what she may be filling your sons head with. Your son needs normal, loving people around him. Not family members who treat you with contempt and make you feel so bad about yourself.

I learnt many years ago that friends are the family we choose. I think you would be totally justified in cuttting contact with your mum OP. She is causing more harm and damage than doing any good.

meritaten

I remember your previous thread wiggy.........I too think you should get counselling. I really think you would benefit from it. I think you are far from crazy, mad, bad or anything your mum calls you - in fact she is describing herself!
The counselling would be to help you get your thoughts together and give you an outlet for your feelings of being abandoned by your family.
You have a son and really have been doing your best for him - perhaps a limited time with crazy granny -- but, I honestly wouldn't let her have him for extended periods.
He should see his dad too - kids need dads and unless there is a very good reason to stop access I would help them develop a relationship.
I think you have done exceptionally well to come this far!!!!

fluffnutter

pigpen wrote: »

For a start I wouldn't be allowing a crazy grandmother looking after my child.. She is responsible to some degree for your dads death

Whoa! We don't know this! It's not helpful to lay the blame for the OP's father's suicide at the mother's door. Yes, this is what the OP's implying ("My dad comitted suicide (set himself on fire) after my mum rejected him time and time again after asking for help. My dad had bipolar and when I was around 6/7 she didn't want to deal with him anymore and kicked him out.") but unfortunately she's not objective. Families are complicated things and only two people know what goes on in a marriage. No one is to 'blame' if their spouse commits suicide. Suicide is a decision taken alone - to start saying that a husband or wife is responsible is dangerous.

OP, get some professional help to make sense of your troubled life. You should be really proud of yourself for having already achieved so much x.