Everyone wants my son, nobody wants me?

duchy

I do think you have concerns that your Mum might try to snatch your son and gain custody and I think you would feel more secure if you had some protection from her controlling ways (Just because other members of the family submit to her doesn't mean you have to). Please keep a simple diary of any incidents-like running you down as a mother (or human being) , threats to have your son taken away etc so if she does turn nasty you already have a record of her behaviours. You may never need it but I think you'd feel more secure knowing it is there (and as a side benefit - looking at a diary may give you some insight to if there is a pattern to your Mum's behaviour -triggers or just make you realize she's a woman with many problems hiding them by lashing out at others).

As for counselling - the ONLY way she'd know is if YOU told her .......so get some...and DON'T tell her-it's none of her business anyway !I'm sure there are times you tell her stuff and then kick yourself afterwards when she uses it against you. You have to learn to keep some stuff at the very least on a need to know basis

You've come a very long way in a very short time Chick -Hang on in there !!

embob74

You have a manipulative, controlling mother. While she feels she can get away it she will continue to behave that way. Could you have a break from her? If you don't need her for practical reasons (e.g. childcare) then tell her you are going to be away from her for a time and will be in contact later. You do not need to give any explanations.

My mum threw me (and my kids) out of her home and we didn't have contact with her for about a year. It was the best thing I ever did - I stood on my own two feet and when she made contact again I felt strong enough to stand up to her.
The distance also enabled me to see her objectively. I know the person she is and I do not expect her to be anything different. I allowed contact as she is my children's grandmother but although she is now in my life I never rely on her and I make sure she never again has the power to emotionally blackmail me.
As for your ex - I know how hard it is to love somebody and know they do not love you. Could you arrange for your ex to pick up his son from someone you trust so you don't have to see him?
Hopefully some distance from the people who are hurting you can give you space to get yourself in the right frame of mind.

pigpen

fluffnutter wrote: »

Whoa! We don't know this! It's not helpful to lay the blame for the OP's father's suicide at the mother's door. Yes, this is what the OP's implying ("My dad comitted suicide (set himself on fire) after my mum rejected him time and time again after asking for help. My dad had bipolar and when I was around 6/7 she didn't want to deal with him anymore and kicked him out.") but unfortunately she's not objective. Families are complicated things and only two people know what goes on in a marriage. No one is to 'blame' if their spouse commits suicide. Suicide is a decision taken alone - to start saying that a husband or wife is responsible is dangerous.

OP, get some professional help to make sense of your troubled life. You should be really proud of yourself for having already achieved so much x.

I disagree.. had she helped him when he was ill as she clearly did not and this was reflected in her treatment of the OP when she was unwell too.. yes she had a part to play.. she may not have been 100% responsible but some of the responsibility is hers. He asked for help and she rejected him repeatedly.

My exFIL committed suicide too.. his was not anyones responsibility but his own. My dil's dad also committed suicide which was entirely his own choice.

pigpen

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Thank you all, I just wanted to say that my mum and dad were never married and that my son is 22 months so he doesn't understand if people say anything about anyone. I don't know if you can get counselling via NHS without having serious mental health issues? In any case, I really don't want to go down that road, it makes my custody of my son very precarious as my mum has used depression against me before.

hundreds of thousands of parents take medication for depression and have counselling etc.. you will not be losing your son over it so long as he is well looked after and safe. The chances are his dad would be first to get him should you ever be unable to care for him. You can also nominate a guardian in your will so should you not be there she still won't get him.. she can try. My cousin has schitzophrenia and she kept her son when she was well enough to look after him.. they don't take children off you unless they have no other option they don't have enough room in childrens homes or enough foster carers (who might also take antidepressants!!!) to look after all the children who need it without taking children from perfectly adequate homes.

She has no reason to even know just don't tell her. It is nothing to be ashamed of or hide it shows you are trying to come to terms with the things in your life you struggle with.. a positive step.