Hoarding - Springing Ahead

mothernerd

I'd say I'm 'could do better' but getting there slowly.

DS3's gf is still lovely and is very easy to live with. Their friend did come to visit (then a second one the following weekend and then the first one came back) so the bed is made up and he tried a little training with the chinchillas - apparently they were fighting/ having s e x (difficult to tell the difference?) in the night and as they were next to the bed he sorted them out.

Unfortunately DS3 has taken to sleeping in the bed - don't know if it's when he has been working and he just moves across the room and flops down. they haven't fallen out, they are both awake more at night than in the day but manage to do this and have seperate sleeping patterns - so their room and the front room can be off limits any time (DS3 tends to work for a bit then sleep for a bit).

Some of their things are still in the front room. I did buy them two sets of shelves ('Is your mum still in?' footsteps, followed by 'Can you help, the shelves don't have instructions?'). Gf was worried about the cost but now at least all her books and their 'ornaments' (collectors editions of their favourite games characters) are on shelves. I also sneaked in there and hung clothes away in the wardrobe.

Got over the bug but mum generously gave me another cough and sore throat so low energy again. I have been trying to get back to 'socialising' this month - only crafts session once a week, local history meet (just two of us - been reading an encyclopedia type book on engineers with fabulous illustrations as we had looked at trains, canal boats, trams and buses). Also went back to film club (was so ill/ tired before Christmas that I kept missing it).

Last two Tuesdays I have been at mum's. Her partner is now going to day care 5 days a week (last stage before he goes into a care home - I did ask point blank if she had had enough and offered to tell his family). His dementia is fairly advanced so it's like having a giant (and very strong) toddler around and he has refused to let the carers wash him on several occasions recently.

First Tuesday mum phoned to say she was ill, would I go and look after her for the day. This week she was having a new washer and fridge freezer delivered and had forgotten an appointment at the hospital 8 miles away (she has been ill so they had cancelled several appointments) so I minded partner until the day care bus came for him and then waited for delivery men (and a man who came to check the boiler - shove all the appointments in while someone is in).

I've also had diabetic foot appointment, diabetic retinopathy, see doctor as something had shown up on my blood tests (trying to narrow things down - all immune system markers), diabetic review with practice nurse, regular appointment with other doctor to review depression meds plus more blood tests and urine before I see him again and a flappy bird thing (that's testing if I have the myaesthenia gravis that mum has).

Last week I started on the kitchen. DS3's gf is very good at feeding him and herself but doesn't put the ingredients away. I do want/ need another shelf in the kitchen, to go under the top cupboards and with the rail relocated under it (so all the pans and tools + jug, manual grater are suspended on s hooks). Gf is only tiny (scrapes to 5' on a good day) so it is possible that putting everything back is too much - she has a little stool.

Moved all the ingredients (flour/ spices/ stock cubes) and equipment off the worktop, unearthed another sink load of utensils and spoons, did enormous quantities of washing up. Have carried on during the week, worktops clean and cupboard fronts, sink done - recycling, rubbish all segregated and out of the house. Gf did stove top, fridge was done Thursday night, bits put back in Friday morning.

Kitchen is now at the stage I wanted it to be in when gf moved in with us (she has also been back to her parents for two visits and brought more things back). normally never seem to get much beyond doing all the washing up and the rubbish round up.

I cleared my bed 2-3 weeks ago (I'm a dreadful 'nester'). Seperated mum's filing/ household filing/ business paperwork into piles and all the craft stuff (mostly wip + patterns - bulk of material and threads are all in boxes on shelves downstairs). Bagged and boxed it and am now working through one pile at a time.

Tried to work out how it got in this state (all mixed together). Well mum insisted that I had a certain piece of paperwork (I have most of her paperwork, everything other than bills and stuff she would need often, as her partner had started to play with paperwork and move things). I got her box file out from storage, the box ripped apart, things from either end went astray (most recent -tax return, oldest/historic - phtos of my greatgrandmother and her siblings, grave papers, bills of work done on graves). The paper mum needed was in her file but I have been trying to get the genie back in the bottle ever since (done Friday night).

By Wednesday of last week it already felt like late Thursday/ Friday morning so on Friday I let myself sleep. Woke briefly several times, went to the loo, ate/ took pills. When I finally 'woke up' (tea time ) I did some work and have carried on like that since - sleep, do some work, rest when tired, work when I have some energy.

I'm also trying to get back to losing weight and exercising. Possibly the only thing I can do that might improve my energy levels. Have been reading the OS Ways and Ill Health thread, writing down tips. Working out how to do more with less (energy/ time) is my main priority this month.

Will try to post with progress (stopped reading a lot of threads due to constant exhaustion).

thriftwizard

Mothernerd, sounds like you are doing as much as can be done under the (somewhat difficult) circumstances, and I take my hat off to you! At least I have my health, my mother's not in bad shape for 91 (even if she's 25 miles away) and we do now have some space. And a fair bit of the mess is my own fault, for continuing to buy stuff in when there was nowhere sensible to put it, and no time or space to "process" it.

Absolutely with you on the kitchen front, and wondering whether it's a little-known minor symptom of ASD-type difficulties? My OH has never been able to remember where things live, so never puts them away, and causes absolute chaos when he's looking for things - pulls everything out, then leaves it lying... The girls are not as bad as their middle brother was, but they still do it, and I'm ashamed to admit I get totally fed up with putting everything away after everyone else & sometimes just can't face it. It's not deliberate, and I did teach them better when they were young, but somehow it didn't "stick" and it's as if they expect the household fairies to tidy up after them. Gentle reminders are seen as nagging; all I can do is try to set a good example, but that makes me feel somewhat doormat-ish.

ETA: purely by chance, following a FB link, I found this blog, Lost Words, which throws some light on the very-real differences in the way that high-functioning autistic minds work. At one point he mentions his lack of sense of direction; that he simply can't remember his way around places he's been many times before. That's very much like the way my OH simply cannot remember where things "live" in the kitchen. It's not laziness, it's very real, if inexplicable to those of us with fewer challenges!

mothernerd

I did wonder if there was such a thing as an OCD slob - I am quite happy for things to be 'clean enough' but get upset if the pans aren't hung by size order or the spices aren't alphabetical.

When the boys were small, one of the jobs I hated was putting the dvds (probably still on videos then) in order - they had a habit of putting whatever had just been watched into the box they had just opened to put into the machine - you could track their viewing/ playing history but it was harder than putting away all the loose ones.

I will get there, just re-thinking how I do things. It's a point several of the 'poorlies' make - the 'normal' way doesn't work, I need to find a way I can manage.

Some things are familiar - I have been sitting rather than standing to chop veg since my hip operation (alternating standing and sitting jobs extends the period I can keep going). When I had the work done last year, I decided to leave the kitchen as long as possible but will jot down what modifications I want to install whilst waiting (most people wait too long and then are to ill to cope with the work that needs doing). I have two lovely le c re uset pans (bought at a bargain price when our co-op shut down). DS2 has them currently but I have realised that they were getting too heavy for me now.

I will adapt as I can, try not to fret over things I can do nothing about, plod slowly on to retirement (counting the days) and work on not letting my mother take over my life - she was planning coach holidays last week (you will go free 'as my carer' - read unpaid slave). I have been married and had three children yet my family seems to have cast me as 'maiden aunt' from childhood.

I'm so glad you are finally getting to grips with the conservatory. I need to do something radical with all my craft stuff - currently estimating how many hours work have gone into each wip and how many would be needed to complete them. I have let some go and am trying not to start any unless I have a specific 'end user' in mind.

Gingernutty

Is it worth putting inventory lists on cupboard doors and drawers?

Like nursery where they labels on the drawers.

thriftwizard

Massive success in the conservatory today; it looks almost like a normal room in a normal house! Apart from the fact that it's still full of plants, and the odd cockatiel, but IMHO that's what conservatories are actually for, and most of the plants will be going outside for the summer. What I'm quite proud of is that I haven't done it this time by "churning" stuff to somewhere else, but have actually got rid of a lot of stuff, and sorted the rest out. There's a car load to go to the Tip tomorrow, and a box of bits & bobs has gone out into my stock shed, but it should have been out there all along.

I still have more work to do in there, and more to get rid of, but it's looking manageable now. Needless to say, there's been a fair amount of flack from the family - it's like, oh no, Mother's getting out of her box again! Once or twice I've felt like giving up & retreating to my room for a good cry, but gritted my teeth & carried on - I'm doing this for ME, never mind anyone else. If they really want to live in a "nice" house like "everyone else", they can stop picking fault when I'm trying to do something about it...

thriftwizard

Gingernutty, thank you for that idea; the girls think lists (inside the doors, rather than outside) would help; OH doesn't. But if it will help some of us, I'll do it; you never know, the idea may work its way in eventually & work for him too! Wouldn't be the first time...

greenbee

TW - when they're all making comments about your decluttering and clearing, point out to them that they are welcome to move into their own homes so you can use your own to keep your stuff. Either that or help...

I'd make sure that any of their stuff you find during your clearing is flung unceremoniously through the door of the relevant room. Or stuffed in a binbag with a name and an expiry date... after which you can take it to the tip.

It may be everyone's home - but it's also your HOUSE. And ownership (and seniority!) does give you some rights to set the rules. Plus you need enough space to be able to run your business efficiently. I'm sure much of the issue with stock management was due to having to move stuff out of the way quickly as more people moved back in. Give yourself (and the house) a chance to breathe.

thriftwizard

Thank you, Greenbee! Now the inevitable has happened & OH is leaving home - again! This is an inevitable part of the tidying-up process & never actually happens, so I'm afraid I'm treating it all with my usual indifference; it's a bit like something out of a very gloomy Ibsen play. Onwards & upwards!

I took a huge car-load of fabric down to the local Scrapstore yesterday; most of it was stuff I'd bought from the widower of a fellow-trader who died suddenly last year. I bought most of her stock when he was clearing out; some of it was a very sound investment, but I just hadn't got around to sorting it out & moving on the stuff I didn't want. Done now, along with several bags of stuff from another crafter/hoarder; I gave her two hours to sort some stuff out for me to take, and she was delighted because she didn't have time to agonise over it! We look on it as "released back into the wild"...

greenbee

Sorry TW I was thinking more of your kids... although I understand some of them have now moved themselves (and hopefully their belongings) into their own homes and hopefully appreciate a little more how much work goes into managing a home.

Hopefully OH will start to feel the benefits of the space rather than the stress of the tidying. Can you put him in the conservatory to enjoy the space?

thriftwizard

I blew up at him, Greenbee, and I think he's realised now that his attitude has not exactly been encouraging...