Hoarding - Springing Ahead

GreyQueen

dragonette, from what you've posted, I believe you also have ME, something I've been 'enjoying' since the mid-eighties, although you sound more poorly than I am these days.

One of the things which I find exhausting is over-stimulation, which can be as simple as a cluttered environment. Certain places are very tiring because there's so much 'stuff' coming at me from all directions. It's as if each of the items has a physical voice and is clamouring for attention, bizarre though that might sound to some people.

I find when there is less stuff in my immediate environment, I am able to rest better and be less tired. I hope this works out the same for you, too.

dragonette

GreyQueen, yes you are completely right. I am indeed finding clear surfaces more restful I just need to remember to take it gently and not give myself a crash.

Indeed, you have been something of an inspiration - simple living, working part time and being kind to yourself sound like the most sensible route for me to go down. Today I will try to catch up on my mins game

Hugs and cheers to all - every baby step is progress

thriftwizard

One of the things which I find exhausting is over-stimulation, which can be as simple as a cluttered environment. Certain places are very tiring because there's so much 'stuff' coming at me from all directions. It's as if each of the items has a physical voice and is clamouring for attention, bizarre though that might sound to some people.

I absolutely know what you mean! One of the reasons we got into this mess to start with was things going, "Rescue me! I'm not ready for landfill/burning/melting down/to be made into J-cloths" at me... but we had some space back then, and we don't have that luxury now. Oddly enough, I find Marie Kondo's idea of thanking items as you part with them quite comforting. It's bizarre, but it makes it easier for me to let go of them.

Thought I wasn't going to be able to sort anything else out today, as I was taking my mother to the hospital for a scan & didn't anticipate being home until tea-time. But they were running spot on time, and it didn't take long, and they reassured her straight away that they hadn't seen anything mischevious, so she was in fairly fine fettle and I was able to leave her after popping to the shops to re-stock her supplies. I think I might feel strong enough to tackle the ginormous pile of random gunk...

mothernerd

Good start to the day, told DS3 I would need help when I went down for my morning yoghurt and he was in the mood to come straight away. We moved his mattress together, then he moved all the bed drawers whilst I ate my yoghurt (he wants a bath). He turned the bad base on it's side - I could shove them along myself.

I had a short rest then moved the bedclothes and other things from my bed. He came back just as I was finishing, so moved my mattress and together we slid my bed through into the small room. I had put the two small filing cabinets, which DS3 has been using as bedside cabinets, in the passage between the bathroom and the small bedroom so could easily stack things from the bath on them and then go round to the other side to put them in place (very little lifting) and ran the bath at 2.30pm.

Still some work to do on my new room but he bulk of it has been achieved fairly painlessly. Had to do lots of sweeping and will do the window cleaning soon. I am leaving the curtain rail for now as I am aching this morning and my body has refused to do some of the things I tried. (there is a spare door which goes in front of the window to stop me being visible to everyone on the car park).

Need to move the two file cabinets before bedtime as I don't want to go the long way round every time I need the bathroom (old long u-shape where the landing originally was - short cut was put in when the boys were small so that I didn't worry about them going across the top of the stairs in the night).

Interesting about your various medical conditions. I switched to being self-employed after the death of my brother brought on the onset of severe depression. I could work round the days when I couldn't get out of bed but I also recognised that I could no longer do the physical work I had been doing for several years plus made a complete mess of final exams of my foundation degree and couldn't redo the year.

I am nearing 60 and struggling to get through to retirement. My doctor isn't very sympathetic - he gave me sick note for two weeks citing "stress at home" on the day last year (prior to my total hip replacement) when I was diagnosed and told I shouldn't even be trying to walk.

Ah well, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger (but can we trust Nietsche?).

GreyQueen

thriftwizard wrote: »

I absolutely know what you mean! One of the reasons we got into this mess to start with was things going, "Rescue me! I'm not ready for landfill/burning/melting down/to be made into J-cloths" at me... but we had some space back then, and we don't have that luxury now. Oddly enough, I find Marie Kondo's idea of thanking items as you part with them quite comforting. It's bizarre, but it makes it easier for me to let go of them.

I'm reminded of a random conversation I had with a chance-met acquaintance on holiday. The subject was forcing yourself to eat more food than you were comfortable with because it had been put on your plate, and you didn't want to be wasteful.

I've forgotten the lady's name and I've forgotten her face. Heck, not even 100% sure which holiday it was. But I didn't forget her words: Do you see your body as a substitute for a dustbin?

She was speaking with a neutral curiousity, without the slightest hint of spite or malice but, like many profound thoughts, it struck a chord. Is my body a dustbin, which must take in every stray calorie which might otherwise be wasted?

And, by extension, is my home an anteroom to the landfill site/ recycling centre, where every needy item must be warehoused so it can be 'saved'?

Realistically, I can't save every blessed item which is in danger of being inappropriately disposed of and I'm in danger of going loopy even trying. All I can try to do is honorably not take on more than I personally need. And if I do accidentally find my reach has outstripped my grasp, to recognise that in a timely manner and release the items so that others can benefit from them, rather than 'saving' them on my premises until they die in storage. Or are still around when I die, and heaven knows how appropriately they might be dealt with then........!

dragonette, ME is a barstewarding condition and I won't insult you by telling you anything different. At my worst, I would exhaust my day's energy just getting myself up, washed and dressed. Now, through a mixture of lifestyle management and steady improvements, I run about half-a-life. It isn't the life I had planned, it isn't the life I would ideally have liked, but I am happy and content and many folk have much worse to endure in this world.

You're mostly going to be living with ME, and finding ways to manage your personal energy ration. Some days I overdo it, sometimes quite deliberately, because I want to get something done and am prepared for the downside of taking 2-4 days to regain equilibrium. Other days, I pretty much eat and sleep. You can only do what you can do, but getting older is great.

Why? Because your peer group slows down as they age and are easier to keep up with, I'm not the only person I know who is in bed by 9.30 pm. And, and this is key, you get far more devious about manipulating life so you can get what you want out of it without ending up in the corner as weak and floppy as a wrung-out dishrag.

Keep on keeping on, my dear.

dragonette

Hmm, I like those insights! My body is not a rubbish bin and my home is not a landfill site. I will remember those (and try to pass them on)

A successfully stable half life sounds like a good compromise to me. It is certainly preferable to physically breaking myself and ending up bedbound again. Well, that could happen anyway but I'm a stubborn sort of lass and will be doing what I damn well want to get done.

I've had some small successes today - a cupboard with candles, candle holders and similar items has been tidied. I got rid of 2 paper candle holders, designed to have sand in the bottom and cut out patterns so you get pretty shapes shadows - I have two cats. Not a chance in hell can I risk using them! But, as a gift, they had to be kept. No more After that I had to rest, which turned into a nap.


I visited friends earlier and realised my mind has become used to more clear space. My friend's place looked really full, tidy but v full. I had never noticed that before, I guess we adapt to our environment sub-consciously. Oh! Apologies to any arachnophobes, I had a dream earlier about giant (dinner plate sized) spiders and how people in my dreams would just pick them up and move them. I better clean away the spider 'nests' at my window frames. Our brains are wonderful things!

katkin

Thank you for your words of wisdom and support about my MIL. I'll keep reading this thread and make an effort to learn more about the situation. There's no point in me diving in and "helping" when that would make mum uncomfortable and not help. All I can do for now is listen and encourage her to feel better about herself and remind her she's loved. Very gently and diplomatically I need to speak to the rest of the family (she has 2 sons and another DIL) to find out what they are thinking.

Thank you once again for your support.

mothernerd

Will be thinking of you katkin.

I think I have just salvaged a win out of a very unproductive day.

Woke at 8am not feeling great. Dozed off again. Woke at 11am - so no flu jab for me today (antibiotics have worked, still have a little cough but not feeling like someone is trying to rip my chest out), will have to wait till Tuesday (next flu clinic session).

Been lazy most of the day then mopped empty floor space in large bedroom. DS3 didn't want to help move anything so I decided to look at his bed. He has lost one of the little metal straps that holds the two halves of bed base together so hunted for some fittings I know I have - couldn't find them. Did locate the holes for attaching the headboard so turned both bases (one to support the weight of the headboard whilst I attached it to the other and found several bolts.

Headboard is 4'6", bed is 5' so holes are in the wrong places (DS3 has been using it propped up against the wall but want it done properly now). I have some board at the other house and could make a custom headboard but that is a job for another day.

Decide to match the drawers to spaces as they were much lighter than I thought. In the small bedroom only two of the drawers could be opened and then only a little way. So far during the bedroom swap I have found 3 large art pads, a set of pens (cost about £24 a set) and 3 boxes of badges - all of which DS3 needs for his stall at a convention in November. He started practising his drawing yesterday as it's a while since he did it on paper (mainly does little computer games now and mostly direct on the computer). At his event he will draw people in their outfits or draw particular characters on request.

Well second bed drawer down contained a small wardrobe drawer with two small (pound shop) tool boxes inside. One has nearly all my drill bits inside (lot of money and oh have I hunted for this). I even asked DS1 last month if there was any chance we had overlooked it and left it on the removal van. The other toolbox had the flat joining strips I had been looking for earlier. The small drawer must have been put inside the bed drawer when we were packing and then DS3 just put his bed together and never checked the contents.

Not doing any more today but so happy with the find. I have been planning some small diy projects that I can do using things I have but the way things are atm buying new drill bits would have been difficult.

dragonette

Yay for finding things mothernerd I hope your sons become more active in being helpful to you. It can be so dispiriting when noone else is really pushing to get things organised and tidy. I'm going to have to show my flatmate how to switch off the hallway lamp without switching off the doorbell. It's mind boggling at times

I finally feel less like the world is trying to kill me with allergic reactions. Guess I better get some things done!

dragonette

Today has been much better, with lots of gentle resting and pottering to try to not overdo things. While the KM thread is being v inspirational to me atm, I get a weeky reminder of hoarding.

I have managed to remove 2 things from my ex's home (with his permission, and to be returned). One is useful to me atm and the other used to belong to me and needs to washed before going back. He still has my electric heater, and I can see me letting him keep it even if i need it. Cos no matter how tired and weak and cold I get, I know I am more likely to mentally force myself to get warm than his depression will allow. Items are a safety blanket, they keep you safe from the scary outside or not having enough. His folks are not respectful of other people's stuff at all, especially not his. Its all too easy to see how that treatment has morphed into pathological but mild-moderate hoarding.

I surreptitiously cleaned the bathroom sink this week. I figure if I do one small thing a week, it'll help a little