Come to the end

sassyblue

Person_one wrote: »

Ah ok, I have got the right poster.

I didn't 'take offence', I just thought it was way OTT to diagnose narcissism because somebody who had lost a close relative just days ago wasn't able to put their grief aside when their husband was being needy.

OP, it sounds to me like you know you want to leave your wife but you are desperate not to be the 'bad guy' in the situation. Just do it, you don't love her and you don't want to stay with her so get on with it like ripping a plaster off. People separate all the time.

It would have been OTT had it been the one thread l agree, but then l wouldn't have suggested he look it up had it been the once. OP has had quite a few posts about her now, all similar.

Dunroamin

sassyblue wrote: »

He's being verbally abused and says he has been for a long time. Abuse is abuse.

Using the term in this way is misleading and does a disservice to those who actually have been abused.

Treevo

Dunroamin wrote: »

Using the term in this way is misleading and does a disservice to those who actually have been abused.

Actually, I think that it is you who is doing a disservice to those abused. Who are you to say if someone has or has not been abused based only on your definition?

Person_one

Treevo wrote: »

Actually, I think that it is you who is doing a disservice to those abused. Who are you to say if someone has or has not been abused based only on your definition?

I can't comment on threads I haven't seen, but there's nothing in this OP, or the other one I saw just days after the wife lost her relative, that sounds anything like abuse.

Abuse isn't a trivial matter, its not a term that should be thrown around willy nilly.

marisco_2

Person_one wrote: »

Abuse isn't a trivial matter, its not a term that should be thrown around willy nilly.

I absolutely agree with you here. I have suffered physical and emotional abuse, to the degree that the police told me I was at their highest level of risk and put our home on immediate response. We all view things differently and what some may tolerate in a relationship, for others these would be a deal breaker.

From my experience and in my opinion there have been things disclosed that indicates abuse. I hope the OP will take from this thread what he feels applies to his relationship and that it will help him to come to an informed decision about his future.

make_me_wise

Abuse is always levied out very subtly. The person on the recieving end has their confidence and self-esteem chipped away. They walk around on eggshells, questioning their judgements and often feel in a state of confusion. This does not come about by accident. I agree with the other posters, after reading the OPs many posts on this, that he is in an abusive relationship.

dktreesea

Dunroamin wrote: »

The OP hasn't mentioned being abused.

Being told you are a bad husband (or a bad wife) is abuse, imho.

Person_one

dktreesea wrote: »

Being told you are a bad husband (or a bad wife) is abuse, imho.

No, it isn't, not in isolation.

If it isn't true then its a hurtful thing to say, that doesn't make it abusive.

dktreesea

make_me_wise wrote: »

Abuse is always levied out very subtly. The person on the recieving end has their confidence and self-esteem chipped away. They walk around on eggshells, questioning their judgements and often feel in a state of confusion. This does not come about by accident. I agree with the other posters, after reading the OPs many posts on this, that he is in an abusive relationship.

yes, also there's lots of kinds of abuse. It's not just what is said. What about partners who dish out the silent treatment, ignoring their partner if something doesn't suit them? Sometimes for days on end.

marisco_2

Person_one wrote: »

No, it isn't, not in isolation.

If it isn't true then its a hurtful thing to say, that doesn't make it abusive.

Agreed. However this comment said to the OP is the tip of the iceburg of how he has been spoken to and treated by his wife. His posts have mentioned many incidents.

If you love someone and want to be with them you dont go out of your way to humilate and undermine them.