whinge

mellymoo74

Thank you both, I needed to vent because my OH is really putting the pressure on and I know I cant go I wish I hadnt gone to my dads it didnt help with the grieving process.

chrisv24

mellymoo74 wrote: »

Thank you both, I needed to vent because my OH is really putting the pressure on and I know I cant go I wish I hadnt gone to my dads it didnt help with the grieving process.

Completely get it. It is your decision and if you have your own reasons not to go then don't go. Surely your nan would understand

Pollycat

mellymoo74 wrote: »

I wont

Just remembered why I stopped posting on here

Sorry for trying to help. :cool:

When you put things on a public forum, expect to read some things you don't like.

As an alternative to that (and taking offence), try talking to a imaginary friend.
They probably won't say anything back that you don't like.

My comments in post #3 were based on a friend's experience who also didn't attend a close relative's funeral.

She bitterly regretted her decision and still beats herself up about it.

I wouldn't have wanted you to feel the same way, but please yourself, you've had your whinge.

Mojisola

mellymoo74 wrote: »

My OH called me at work yesterday aft cos the police had been looking for me to tell me my lovely nan had died.

Why were the police involved - do they usually go looking for estranged relatives?

LisaLou1982

Sorry to hear of your loss OP.

I went to view my Nan at the chapel of rest when she died and have always regretted it. It did not give me any sense of peace or help me in any way.

If you know that going to the funeral isnt going to help you then dont go. Only you know what is best for you xx

Goldiegirl

We are all different I suppose.

I haven't been to that many funerals, but I've always found them helpful.....it gave me a chance to feel like I could say goodbye and begin to understand what had happened.

You say going to your fathers funeral didn't help the grieving process, so maybe think of the things that did help you, and do the same things now.

mellymoo74

Pollycat wrote: »

Not even to pay your respects to 'your lovely Nan'?

I hope you don't regret your decision.

How is that trying to help? The inference I took from it bearing in mind Im under a lot of pressure to attend was that I cant think shes lovely if I dont sit with a whole heap of people in a church to say goodbye the normal way.

Sorry your friend felt bad grief is not pleasant .

londonsurrey

You do what you need to, that is the best for you.

We can't do any more for the loved ones who have gone. If they loved us, they wouldn't want us to do anything just because someone else said so or thinks you should.

People who love you make you feel loved because they put your actual needs first, not the nebulous "Ooh err, wot will strangers think?"

Be gentle with yourself, look after yourself, think of what good things you learnt from her that you will make live on by using them in your life.

mellymoo74

Mojisola wrote: »

Why were the police involved - do they usually go looking for estranged relatives?

They clearly do, as they did

SmallL

Not everyone benefits from going to funerals, i have been to three in total and felt that if anything, they just upset me further.
Especially in the case of my OH's mums funeral when we were both only 18, i had already watched her die in hospital and seeing the coffin just bought the memory back.
With my nan and uncle i would rather have remembered them alive and happy, rather than in a box. My nan's passing was a relief, she had no quality of life due to dementia.

Its a very personal decision and one people should respect.