whinge

mellymoo74

My OH called me at work yesterday aft cos the police had been looking for me to tell me my lovely nan had died.
I dont talk to that side of the family due to my going mental when my dad died partly im ashamed of my behavior partially upset they would think my behaviour was normal.
My OH is trying to get me to call them and to go to the funeral I cant because I need to stay sane.
Just a whine really i have gone into shut down mode so not hurtingthat muxh at the min

Dunroamin

Family occasions and mourning can be a good time for people to come together. Unless you have some specific issues, I'd go.

Pollycat

Don't make a decision that you'll regret later.

If you decide not to go to the funeral, you can never go back and change that decision.

Could you not go to the funeral quietly, keep to yourself and pay your respects to your Nan and then leave?

But, you never know - this could be the thing that brings you back to that side of your family if that is something that you want to happen.

Good luck in whatever choice you make.

The_Hurricane

I agree with the above 2 posts, do go to the funeral as it's a good opportunity to say goodbye and you won't get this again and it's also an important aspect in the healing process. On top of all that you may also use the experience to build bridges with other members of your family.

mellymoo74

I understand that the accepted norm is to go to the funeral, thank you all for your advice however I wont be going

The_Hurricane

Could you not even go and be there from a distance? I really feel you should give this some more thought.

Pollycat

mellymoo74 wrote: »

I understand that the accepted norm is to go to the funeral, thank you all for your advice however I wont be going

Not even to pay your respects to 'your lovely Nan'?

I hope you don't regret your decision.

mellymoo74

I wont

Just remembered why I stopped posting on here

harrys_nan

I'm sorry, but I really cannot understand why you wrote your op in the first place !! Nobody has said anything hurtful to you

pigpen

If you don't feel you can go that is fine there is nothing to say you have to.. You could however have a few minutes reflecting on the happy memories you have of your gran at the time it is her funeral, light a candle say a prayer eat some of her favourite sweets or do the things you used to do together.. You know how you can best honour her memory.

I am sorry to hear of your loss.

I'm sure any family who love you would not hold it against you that you were overcome with grief at the loss of your father.. I doubt you are the only person to ever create a scene when someone they love dies.

chrisv24

pigpen wrote: »

If you don't feel you can go that is fine there is nothing to say you have to.. You could however have a few minutes reflecting on the happy memories you have of your gran at the time it is her funeral, light a candle say a prayer eat some of her favourite sweets or do the things you used to do together.. You know how you can best honour her memory.

I am sorry to hear of your loss.

I'm sure any family who love you would not hold it against you that you were overcome with grief at the loss of your father.. I doubt you are the only person to ever create a scene when someone they love dies.

I like that idea. Celebrate her memory in your own way.