Wedding Loan

Apples2

CharlieRabbit01 wrote: »

Who are you to criticise how someone spends their money earned or borrowed.

Is it becasue it's an open forum and anyone can post?

It would be pretty pointless for a forum to contain only support, the whole point is to table options and discuss if this really is the best way to proceed.

There is a pretty dire history of posts where newlyweds struggle with debt immediately after starting married life when all those bills and extra little people arrive on the scene.

It is sad to see people struggling because they overcommited for that one day celebration.

tonycottee

Apples2 wrote: »

It would be pretty pointless for a forum to contain only support, the whole point is to table options and discuss if this really is the best way to proceed.

It would also be a pretty pointless forum if people spent most of their time critiquing people's lifestyles rather than answering the original question asked. It could almost put people off from coming back.
Oh wait...

RuthnJasper

CharlieRabbit01 wrote: »

If that one day makes them happy then they should do it how they like spending as much as they want.

Who are you to criticise how someone spends their money earned or borrowed.

As Apples2 says, it's an open forum and Meer53 wasn't being offensive.

Meer53 is a long-established poster who will have seen a vast number of threads started by OPs who are in the appalling depths of abject misery and soul-destroying despair due to borrowing and spending far beyond their means. If some frank and open advice helps to prevent that happening to just one other person then surely it's worth it...?

meer53

Thanks RuthnJasper for your support.

You're right that i am fairly cynical about the wedding "industry" in general. It's just that these days, the weddings where people do it within their means are getting fewer and fewer.

I got married in 1984 and separated from my ex in 2002. A fairly long marriage and mainly happy apart from the last couple of years. Hey ho, thats life. We had just bought a house when we married and neither of us could afford a huge wedding so we did it as cheaply as possible, neither set of parents could contribute as they had given us money towards the house so we just accepted that we wanted to be married, and arranged it according to our budget.

Some people these days seem to think it's how much you spend that makes the day. It's not. In my job, i speak to people every single day who are having financial problems, to be sympathetic when they have been irresponsible with their finances, for whatever reasons, can be quite difficult. Especially when they become very defensive when i question the reasons for their situation. Simple answer is, if you can't afford it, rethink your plans, and do it when you can. This applies to all situations, not just weddings.

I find it really hard to get enthusiastic about weddings where a formula is followed according to how much is spent. So many things just aren't necessary. Wedding favours, sweetie tables, photo booths, huge table centrepieces, DVD's and wedding albums that cost more than my entire wedding ! (for them to be shut in a drawer ever after) The getting married abroad then coming back and having another "do" for people who weren't invited the first time ? Why ? Why not just have a wedding where everyone can make it ?

I have a son and daughter who i hope one day will marry. Although i won't be sad if they don't, i know for sure that my son won't go down the big wedding route, he feels the same as i do, but my daughter............. well we shall have to see ! She's only 12 !

If people (or their parents) have surplus money to spend on a big wedding, fair enough, but to want to borrow such a huge amount seems fairly foolish to me. Starting out when you get married is difficult enough without any added financial pressure. Maybe i'm just old fashioned ?

Apples2

meer53 wrote: »

I have a son and daughter who i hope one day will marry.

Is that legal???

meer53

Don't worry, he's 26, she's 12, she drives him (and me) insane

RuthnJasper

Apples2 wrote: »

Is that legal???

Haha - fairly common in certain US states and Jeremy Kyle "guests"

RuthnJasper

meer53 wrote: »

Thanks RuthnJasper for your support.

...

Meer, that's EXACTLY my own opinion of weddings. I'd rather go to a very basic do with guests who really want to be there and with lots of sincere love and affection than a lavish do with whingeing and sniping guests and a bored "happy couple".

I remember seeing a documentary on TV years ago about the emerging trend for spending vast amounts on weddings. One of the couples had spent £18,000 (all from a loan, which inevitably they would struggle to repay) on their wedding day. The marriage lasted a week because the groom had been sh4gging one of the bride's friends for ages. Shambles.

There seems to be so much pressure to have add-ons like flowers and napkins that perfectly match the bridesmaids dresses, the coloured sugared-almonds (a tradition nicked from Italy), gifts/"favours" for every guest (as well as the free meal and sometimes drinks they're getting anyway) - and don't even get me STARTED on "save the date" cards... send the bl**dy invitation in the first place; THAT'S the save the date card!! It's possible to have all these things if you want them without spending a fortune.

But I do like weddings in general. I'd love to have one of my own - but interest from the chaps tends to wane when I have to confess that I can't have children. Hey-ho - at least the toilet seat is always down...

PoorCharleyBear

the other big problem with a lavish do is the sheer deep of adrenaline after the day is over.
So much build up to one day...then the day after- zilch.

H and I got married ten years ago and did it on a budget...we had a great day because we had great guests and all had fun. Our friends all told us how much they enjoyed it- because it was relaxed and we were not too bothered about the finer details.

Even then, the day after was awful- it was like a hangover and a feeling of 'wow all that effort and its over'

So I agreed wholeheartedly with everyone who says 'get married within your budget and do not incur debt for what will become a memory quickly'

tonycottee

I know several people that got married, within their budget and without taking out a loan. They're all divorced now.

And what's the moral of the story? None whatsoever.