Wedding Loan

suburbanwifey

Thegirl wrote: »

I'm going through a divorce and still have debt from the wedding.
I didn't want a fuss, my husband wanted a massive event, we ended up getting married in a castle (that perfectly illustrates some issues in our relationship actually).
It was a wonderful day, truly. But if I could offer any advice it would be to not start married life in debt to pay for a wedding. you're not talking about a few extras that you are putting on a credit card that will be paid off within a year. You are talking about a huge debt that will loom over you. That will become a liability if one of you loses your job. And if you are planning on £14k now, trust me you'll end up spending more.

I'll put it another way. Ask 1000 people who spent over £10k on their wedding if they are (1) happy with what they spent on their wedding (2) wish they had spent more or (3) wish they had spent less. What do you think most people would say?

In answer to your question, no banks rarely check where the money is going (other than flags on obvious money laundering activity). However, if you are thinking of lying to your bank about what the money is for I would ask yourself why you feel the need to lie about it.

Agree with all you have said, as I said in my earlier post, everyone I know who spent a fortune on their wedding are now divorced. Your experience and theirs must send some lessons to those here who seem to think spending 14K on a wedding is a good idea.

Maybe they feel the need to lie about what they would be spending the 14K on because they worry the bank would A) feel they are irresponsible with money or refuse them the loan.

I almost wish the bank will refuse them. It would be interesting to see if they still get married if they are *unable* to spend 14k that will have them getting talked about for ooh, lets see, at least a week! before reality sets in, they realise married life isn't one long fairytale and they have to start paying it all back for something they cannot visibly see any more, not like a car, a house deposit or an extension or something.

I notice the OP has been quiet, I wonder why? hope they are seeing sense, for their sake.

Wishing you all the best for the future, controls freaks normally like Castles and big extravagant weddings, I have a friend who married such a guy, they are now also no longer together. Guy and Madonna got married in a Castle, their marriage didn't last either.

Fishingtime

The original poster has not posted since his first post.
Surely he is just posting it to get a laugh at peoples responses

meer53

yoxford2008 wrote: »

The original poster has not posted since his first post.
Surely he is just posting it to get a laugh at peoples responses

I think he's gone off to have another think about his plans. Either that or the loan has been agreed and he's off spending on "stuff and things"

pheonixrising21

suburbanwifey wrote: »

Agree with all you have said, as I said in my earlier post, everyone I know who spent a fortune on their wedding are now divorced. Your experience and theirs must send some lessons to those here who seem to think spending 14K on a wedding is a good idea.

Maybe they feel the need to lie about what they would be spending the 14K on because they worry the bank would A) feel they are irresponsible with money or refuse them the loan.

I almost wish the bank will refuse them. It would be interesting to see if they still get married if they are *unable* to spend 14k that will have them getting talked about for ooh, lets see, at least a week! before reality sets in, they realise married life isn't one long fairytale and they have to start paying it all back for something they cannot visibly see any more, not like a car, a house deposit or an extension or something.

I notice the OP has been quiet, I wonder why? hope they are seeing sense, for their sake.

Wishing you all the best for the future, controls freaks normally like Castles and big extravagant weddings, I have a friend who married such a guy, they are now also no longer together. Guy and Madonna got married in a Castle, their marriage didn't last either.

Just out of interest, what is the cut off point for what is acceptable to spend on a wedding (whether from a loan or savings)? £50?, £2k?, £3k? £5k? £7k? £10k? £xk that both parties are happy with? A % of salary perhaps? I'm genuinely curious to know, so I can work out if I'll need a solicitor for a divorce or not. Do you have any info on timescales, e.g spend over £10k, you have 2 years, £8k you have 5 years, £5k you have 10 years? Under £3k and you're guaranteed happy ever after?

And your friends who got divorced, you're 100% certain that the sole cause of their marriage breakdown was the cost of the wedding, despite them both being happy with said cost at the time? No other issues? Infidelity? Drinking problems? Violence? General drifting apart/falling out of love?

Also, didn't David and Victoria get married in a castle (not sure, not up on celebrity marriages)? And they're still together, aren't they? Bet they spent more than £14k on it too!;)

lazer

I think you are all being very hard on the OP

They want to get married - saving up for it may not be an option, there are many reasons for this

1) - Age - they may slightly older and are keen to start a family, and want to be married beforehand
2) - Religion - Not living together or having relations before marriage - I'm sure it makes you keener to get married quicker.
3) - Heatlh - Someone close to them could be ill and they want to get married with them present

Would I borrow £25k for a wedding and "stuff" - no (But my now husband probably would have done - I had to reign in his spending a bit - although it was savings we were spending).

I have no objection to people spending vast amounts on weddings - it is their decision, and for some reson people think they have the right to tell people it a waste of mney etc.

IMO - a marriage is about the couple, the wedding is about them couple becoming husband and wife and their friends and family being there to Celebrate it with them.
Friends and Family buy wedding gifts costing £100 or more sometimes and I think it is right to return their generousity and give them a lovely meal, drinks, good entertainment etc.

As I discovered when planning the wedding - it isn't just about the Bride and Groom, the needs and wants of Family and Friends should be considered too, they are part of the celebration and if we wanted to them to attend, we had to ensure the wedding wasn't on an inconvienient day, wasn't too far away, had accommodation on site etc.
My first choice venue didn't have accommodation - so we decided against it.

People say that couples will regret spending a lot of money on a wedding, do the people that have a very small wedding, never regret not having a bigger wedding?

I originally wanted a very small wedding as I hate being the centre of attention and hate people looking at me, but we had 130 people at our wedding, and I loved every minute - I actually loved the attention and would probably have regretted not having the lavish wedding.

People's attitudes to wedding our changing - they are now seen my many as unimportant, just a piece of paper etc, but for some they are still the start of a couples life together and I very much feel for couples who's friends etc decide they cannot afford to go to a close friend or family members wedding because the have the money earmarked for a new car etc (different scenario if they ractually don't have the money).

Would the same number of people being advising against buying a £14k car on finance - to me an expensive car is much more of a waste of money than a wedding. What is the advantage of an expensive car over say a simple Renault Clio, Ford Fiesta etc?
Both get you from A to B and back, but yet the prices are entirely different.

It is the same with a wedding both a small registry office affair and a large lavish wedding result in a legal marriage, but yet are entirely different.
I feel there is a very strong reverse snobbery about expensive weddings, people that have not had them jsut don't understand the point in them, and yet the same people are driving around in expensive cars that I can't understand the point in.

Sorry for the long reply - But I am very tired of the attitude around lavish weddings.

RuthnJasper

pheonixrising21 wrote: »

Just out of interest, what is the cut off point for what is acceptable to spend on a wedding (whether from a loan or savings)? £50?, £2k?, £3k? £5k? £7k? £10k? £xk that both parties are happy with? A % of salary perhaps? I'm genuinely curious to know, so I can work out if I'll need a solicitor for a divorce or not. Do you have any info on timescales, e.g spend over £10k, you have 2 years, £8k you have 5 years, £5k you have 10 years? Under £3k and you're guaranteed happy ever after?

And your friends who got divorced, you're 100% certain that the sole cause of their marriage breakdown was the cost of the wedding, despite them both being happy with said cost at the time? No other issues? Infidelity? Drinking problems? Violence? General drifting apart/falling out of love?

Also, didn't David and Victoria get married in a castle (not sure, not up on celebrity marriages)? And they're still together, aren't they? Bet they spent more than £14k on it too!;)

I think it's different for everyone - whatever people can realistically afford or borrow and repay comfortably, without spending many subsequent years paying it off (whether or not the marriage lasts) and without coming to blows. I've seen both ends of the spectrum - fabulously lavish affairs in luxurious London suburbs, and plain registry "do"s with the reception in a pub or someone's back garden. It's always the ones with the most sincere affections (as opposed to those going for the most costly sparkle merely to upstage the previous wedding of a cousin that everyone hates) that are the most memorable. If someone can afford a Scottish Castle, private caterers and a full orchestra then good luck to them. If someone can only afford the most basic Registry Office ceremony and a single packet of vol-au-vonts from Iceland then good luck to them too.

thriftickle

For me personally, I feel that if you have the money and want to spend it then go for it, I just don't like the idea of unnecessary borrowing, especially for something you don't actually need.

For a lot of people, a car for example is a need rather than a want, and completely understand that some people will need a loan or finance deal to fund it, however even in that situation I don't see why people borrow even more just to get the best spec, extras etc.

I firmly believe that you should try as much as possible to live within your means, because I don't earn an enormous amount I have to save until I can afford the things I want, and whilst it can be tough at times through doing so I am glad in the long run that I am not still paying for my wedding/cars/holidays months or years later.

The issue for me isn't spending £14k on a wedding, its the fact that the OP doesn't have the £14k to spend.

CharlieRabbit01

geoffky wrote: »

A expensive wedding is fine ,Ask my daughter...She is not paying....
I offered the money for a deposit for a house and they refused and will one day greatly regret that decision... Oh to be young and stupid...

no one is perfect and we all have to learn from our mistakes regardless of what other people think.

There are many things that we've all done after being told by other not to do, but sometimes simply being told not to will want you to do it more.

People make mistakes its part of being human.

I don't see anything wrong with making mistakes as long as you learn from them and don't dwell on them.

It's a little unfair to call people young and stupid.

Thegirl

thriftickle wrote: »

The issue for me isn't spending £14k on a wedding, its the fact that the OP doesn't have the £14k to spend.

That was kind of the point I was trying to make but badly worded earlier, so here's the question re-jigged:

Ask 1000 people who borrowed over £10k to spend on their wedding if they are (1) happy with what they spent on their wedding (2) wish they had spent more or (3) wish they had spent less. What do you think most people would say?

If you've got the money to spend then you can spend it on whatever you want and create as lavish a day as you desire. I have no issue with big/small/expensive/cheap weddings. It's always the couples concerned and the sentiment involved that makes the day. It's your day and your choice.
I just think if you need to borrow £14k for a wedding that perhaps you should consider either saving for it or reducing the plans and cutting your cloth to fit your budget more.
I can only speak from my own experience. I borrowed for my wedding. I regretted how much we were spending even before the day, but by then things had spiralled and the money was spent. Don't get me wrong the day, the venue, the sentiments all of it was amazing. We loved it and so did our guests. But I genuinely wish that we'd saved for it, rather than buy into the have now pay later culture.

CharlieRabbit01

meer53 wrote: »

For your "unneccessary items" you will have had, if you're lucky, 50 years of service and enjoyment.

The OP's £14k is for ONE day.

If that one day makes them happy then they should do it how they like spending as much as they want.

Who are you to criticise how someone spends their money earned or borrowed.