Oh !!!!!! what have i done!!!!!!

onedayiwill

hypno06 wrote: »

If you think that OH does secretly know about these debts then how about making a start on sorting them out big time, then sitting him down and saying, this is what has happened, this is why (overspending on holidays, OH frittering money away, too much spent on kids etc) but this is what you are doing about it.

That way you are not asking him for a solution, but you are asking for support in moving forward.

Good luck.

This is fantastic advice from hypno.

Mozette

Ditch those two massive useless drains on your resources. Secure Homes - what rubbish! you can pay your bills yourself, why pay someone to pass your money on to them, and your ?husband? He expects you to pay for his holidays, and subsidise him when he earns loads more than you do? And he lives on what planet? You can't tell him because he'll leave? Sounds like you'd be better off in all respects - though I presume he does have some good qualities...

lynzpower

morning flower

I bet your head is reeling this morning so I wanted to pop on to give you a big hug x

Southernscouser for me has hit the nail right on the head. the reason WHY you are in debt, is because your OH doesnt pay his way or support his kids. - you do all that. Yes, putting various things on credit isnt the best idea going ( weve all done it though and lived to tell the tale) but utimaltely if he was paying fairly then this mess wouldnt be happening in the main.

Its fair to say that we as a group find his behaviour completely unacceptable, but the bottom line is "what do YOU think". Do you want to continue being in the relationship, do you love him, do you want to be with him to the end of your lives, is He what you want-= ultimately.

If he is then that of course is your choice, and we can help you work with him to get the support you need from him.

If you dont want to be with him, then we can h3elp support you in making the decision thats right for YOU.

Hugs, let us know how you are, I know Im certainly worried about you, I know my DFWbuddies will be too xx

nonsensefactory

Works nights and earns £3,500 pcm ?? What is he, a doctor ? He pays you £800 pcm and keeps the other £2,700 for him ? That's a complete joke, he's a selfish donkey and you need to tell what a dire position you are BOTH in due to him making YOU pay for everything. If he leaves so what ?

mintymoneysaver

pink-bubblegum wrote: »

Monthly Incoming:
My salary - £1120
Oh half of bills - £720
Benefits - £42

Total - £1882

Monthly Outgoings:

Secure Homes - £1280 this includes: payment care, death plan, savings, mortgage death plan,council tax, sky, phone, gas, house ins, pet insurance, mortgage plus £265 overpayment, car tax for 2 cars, water bill,and tv licence)
t.v ins for dd -£18.90 (3mths left) can't you pay for these seperately? You don't need to be overpaying on your mortgage at the moment, why two lots of death plan, couldn't you just get life insurance instead. All this seems a waste of money to me.
car ins -£48.95 can you get this any cheaper?
t.v ins ds -£20-98 (3mths left)cancel, if it breaks down he'll have to do without
kids mags - £11.98 (cancelling)good!
mobile phone -£35 (16mts left)can you get out of these contracts in any way? You could get a PAYG phone for the same amount
moblie dd - £35 (16mts left)
mobile ds - £55 (7mts left)
savings - £80 (10 me, ds 5 and dd 5)per weekyou can't afford this at the moment
school dinner -£80packed lunches
petrol - £80
milk man -£6
electric -£60
Total: £1,811.81
left - £70.19

debts:
lloyds tsb cc £14462.12 @ 14.9%
jd store card £407 @29.9%
mbna cc £12799.54 @16.9%
tesco cc £4157 @ 6.9%
mbna cc £204.06 @16.9%
lloyds o/d £5827
total: £37856.72

.

Okay so apart from everything else has been telling you would any of these suggestions be possible? It is totally unfair the way money is dealt with in your house, but I think you might have got the message by now! You are spoiling your children, LCD tvs! Mine make do with a shared portable, and have PAYG phones with no more than £10 a month.
You probabaly know you've made a rod for your own back, but the first thing is that you just tell hubby there is no holiday, show him the bills ( forget the debts for now) and ask him where exactly he expects you to find the money for a holiday? I think you need to sort out these finances before you even start to think about those debts.I assume you're just using your overdraft to pay the repayments, so until you cut down on your outgoings this is never going to get any better.Sorry if I sound harsh, but we are only trying to help.

MrsBartolozzi

mrsmortenharket wrote: »

how on earth do you get £42 per month tax credits, my dh earns less than your dh & I earn less than you & we are not entitled to anything.

I have been on the entitled to website. It tells me we are not entitled.

make sure you have not been given money you are not entitled to by tax credits cos they will demand it back.

I think that these credits are the £10.55 per week Child tax credits that everyone earning under (not sure exactly, used to be £50-odd K per year) with children is entitled to.
HTH
MrsB

Spendi

pink-bubblegum wrote: »

the kids no about the debt but not the amount i have had to tell them as i just carnt afford to keep spoiling them the way i do. Oh spend no time with kids he aint got the time nor patience for them has ds has learning difficultys and need loads of help with school work ect. tax credits i get £42 per month cause of OH salary have told him i want an extra £100 per week he asked what for and i just said bills, I think he knows but is in denial.

I cant be 100% sure but i think if you have a child with an SEN you get extra tax credits ?

Sea78

HI again! I hope all is ok with you today and that you've been able to get some sleep with all this going round your head.

You've been given some really sound advice regarding the debt, and the bills, and also regarding your relationship - although only you really know what's going on in that. I would echo again what has already been said about showing him the bills and how he's not even covering his 'half'. You don't need to show him the debts, although as I said, and you've mentioned, he probably does know. Also, tell him the extra stuff will have to stop- showing him what you pay for will make this clear. then you can focus on bringing that debt down. As I said before, it will probably be worth giving one of the free debt charities a ring for some advice regarding your debt. I have similar debt amounts to you and I was paying (on a Debt Management Plan) £145 a month to the debts (it's since gone up due to circumstances changing) but that was fine.

We will of course all help with the debt situation and give you moral support all the way. There are lots of extra things you can do to bring in a little extra cash that might make all the difference too. (although not huge amounts!!) The ebaying will help too, you have to be ruthless! However, these things will not help if your oh is not giving the adequate money to the household. You said you'd asked for an extra £100 a week - so £400 a month. This sounds helpful - do you think he will pay it?

The sun holidays are good - cost in all about £80 for the weekend plus food (I take my own, but easy 'treat' stuff like pizzas etc. I go to Iceland before!!(although the freezer are little ice boxes so can't hold much). This makes it much cheaper. Would OH go on this type of holiday or would he look down on it? It's be a lovely break just for your and the kids though. Perhaps you could rope in a friend with kids too so you could have a natter while the kids go off and swim etc.?

Looking forward to your updates and wishing you all the best. Well done on being so honest and open - it must be a very stressful time for you.

Sea xxx

wannasavemoney

Hi, although I agree with everyone who has posted about your oh, my advice would be to speak to your husband (confiscate his fishing rods/list them on ebay) whatever it takes to get him to understand that your financial problems are also his. Especially if he likes living in the house because eventually, it you do not sort this out, you will all be dependant on the state for temporary housing! You have had your wake up call, he needs to have his now and that can only be achieved by spelling out EXACTLY, the extend of your debts no matter how they were incurred, and if you are afraid that he will leave, then so be it. If he is not prepared to support you and the children with this what is there to salvage from the relationship anyway? By the sounds of it, if he does not participate in family life anyway will you notice if he is no longer there? For your own peace and happiness you must sort out the root problems of the relationship and then the finances can be dealt with also. It seems that things have finally come to a head and there is a clear crossroads looming.

Dammam

If you're scared to let your husband know about the debts in case he leaves, and you can't ask your husband to help with the bills because he refuses then I think we can all work out where a huge part of your problem lies.
If the relationship is going to be worth anything, you're going to HAVE to work it out together and come to a sensible conclusion about what goes where and who pays for what.
First thing to do would be forego the holidays for this year at least.