Oh !!!!!! what have i done!!!!!!

southernscouser

I think maybe part of the reason you are in debt is because your OH isn't contributing enough to the household! :think:

I know aren't after advice about your OH but the two are most certainly linked. There is no reason you should be in debt with the money he earns. If he thinks because he earns it he should spend it then that in my eyes is crazy! I am actually lost for words. That is genuine selfishness! :undecided

Anyway, back to your debts what exactly is 'Secure Homes'? Is this one of those schemes where you pay them and they pay your bills? :undecided

onedayiwill

I am glad you feel a little better able to cope since you found this site. I also felt that sense of relief when I came here

The point is that at least some of the debts you have run up this time were accumlated because of HIM and he needs to accept responsibility. For example ... luxury holidays at £8000 + spending money which you are providing? I'm sorry but that is ridiculous and he is liviing in la-la land if he cannot see his responsibility in this debt. He earns three times as much as you ... but you have to pay everything for the holidays???

Is this really a marriage? Because it doesn't sound much like one to me. Sorry to be harsh but he needs to wake up and smell the coffee, and you need to help him.

You say your kids are helping by looking for things to put on ebay ... do they know you are debt?

Sea78

I don't see any other option but to contact a company like the CCCS/Payplan for advice and possible DMP with them if you don't want your oh to know. I don't think this is the best thing for you, bu if you think he'll walk and you don't want that, then needs must. They can advise you on the best options for you, are free and you can think things over a little more. Your OH must have some idea. How else does he think you've afforded things up til now. If you stop all spending on him he'll then be forced to notice.

You say he'll leave, but really, if you don't see him, what would change apart fromt he obvious financial difficulty. Does he spend much time with the kids? Does he care? Even if you were on your own, in a tiny house/flat with the kids you might be happier than now.

Reading the posts that've been added while I was writing, you say things were better than when you weren't in debt, so do you think he does know really but is in denial?

Sea xxx

magentadreamer

I can't believe that you have a household income of £4662 a month and one party manages to squander £2780 and actually assumes the other party on a far less income will fit the majority of the bills and pay for £8K worth of holidays a year! Have you checked to find out how much Working Families Tax credit you'd be entitled to should you go it alone plus maintaince as you might find his measly £720 a month is covered or a good part of it. And your food bills would be reduced if you weren't feeding your parastic OH.

hypno06

If you think that OH does secretly know about these debts then how about making a start on sorting them out big time, then sitting him down and saying, this is what has happened, this is why (overspending on holidays, OH frittering money away, too much spent on kids etc) but this is what you are doing about it.

That way you are not asking him for a solution, but you are asking for support in moving forward.

Good luck.

pink-bubblegum_2

the kids no about the debt but not the amount i have had to tell them as i just carnt afford to keep spoiling them the way i do. Oh spend no time with kids he aint got the time nor patience for them has ds has learning difficultys and need loads of help with school work ect. tax credits i get £42 per month cause of OH salary have told him i want an extra £100 per week he asked what for and i just said bills, I think he knows but is in denial.

1_step_closer

I agree. Your husband is astounding...........I think everyone here is gobsmacked! If you do decide to tell him it will be difficult but do give it serious consideration. He may surprise you and help...............you never know.

mrsmortenharket

how on earth do you get £42 per month tax credits, my dh earns less than your dh & I earn less than you & we are not entitled to anything.

I have been on the entitled to website. It tells me we are not entitled.

make sure you have not been given money you are not entitled to by tax credits cos they will demand it back.

Also your DH is not like a family man at all. They are his kids as well. It sounds like to me he has life the way he wants it, money to pi55 up against the wall & a nice wife who cooks/cleans etc etc.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but my god, your dh has made my blood boil on your behalf

Lisa x

southernscouser

If I was you I would ditch Secure Homes!

They are taking a cut of your monthly payment for doing sweet FA! All you have to do is set direct debits up and thats it! And you are paying them to do that for you!

You really must talk to your OH though. You said it would be the end if he found out! Tell me to mind my own if you want and you don't have to answer anything you don't want to but; what is your relationship like with your OH?

I'm not an expert but I can almost guarantee that your debts are all related to your home life.

I reckon you spoil your kids because you feel you have to because your OH doesn't act like a father to them? You think gifts and what not will replace what they are missing? I'm not crisiticising you for this. It's probably a normal reaction! However, your OH is to blame! And he needs to face up to his repsonsibilities!

Little_Miss_Winner

Hi there,

While i have my own opinion about what i would do with your husband, something along the lines of stringing him up.........and nuts!!
I also realise that there's 2 sides to every story...... If you have been where you are now before, then you must have promised not to get into debt again? WHy at this point didn't you both sit down and work out a budget that would be ample for you both to live on?

Anyway......................

In my opinion, if you are not going to tell him, and are going to try and get out of debt yourself. He first needs t give you more money.!

HUSBANDS CONTRIBUTIONS;
Secure Homes (?) £640.00
School Dinners £40.00
Milkman £3.00
Eleccy £30.00
___________
TOTAL; £713.00

Then there are loads of things you must have missed off?
Food Shopping? Birthdays? Clothes? Holidays? Christmases? Social outings? Clothes? Haircuts? Kids activities? Shoes?
(he is giving you £7 a month for these at the mo, that's 30p a DAY!!! for 4 of you which is just over 7p each :eek: ) ----Does he realise this??

You would need to work out how much over the year you would ACTUALLY spend on these things then divide by 12.

Keep posting let us know how you get on..

Hugs