friend is pregnant

Tiglath

I never wanted kids and none of my friends have kids. I'm happily over the biological hill now and have done the stepmother thing with two lovely now-adult stepchildren; eventually I guess I'll have to be a step-grandmother but it will definitely be at arms' length. Hope your friendship continues if that's what you both want but even if it does, it will change in some way. Maybe you sense that's what's going to happen? With the best will in the world, your friend's life and outlook will change once she has the baby.

HeadAboveWater

Tiglath wrote: »

...and have done the stepmother thing with two lovely now-adult stepchildren; eventually I guess I'll have to be a step-grandmother

Good point! I'll have this bit to look forward to :eek::D

Ladyhawk

A lot of my friends have kids, and I get dragged to birthday parties and soft play areas and really dn't mind (as long as the children don't come too close!!!) and I have not got upset when even my closest friends have had babies. This particular friend is a very good friend, but not a close friend, if that makes sense. We don't often see each other and can go for ages not chatting but when we do see each other or chat on FB its like we only saw each other yesterday.

I suppose thats why I am confused. If I wanted babies, If she was my closest friend,If I thought I was going to lose my friendship I could understand being upset. But it really isn't anything like that.

I must have just been hormonal!

vicx

I think the maternal part comes naturally when it's your own. I don't have kids and never wanted them either. All of my friends had children in their early 20's, now we are on the wrong side of 25 and fastly approaching the big 3 0 most of them are on to their 2nd 3rd or 4th child. I am the only one that doesn't have children (my decision). I love my freedom, being able to get up and go without a baby/children in tow and enjoy the peace and quiet as well as good nights sleep and occasional lie in

I have never really been around children until my first niece was born (one year ago next week!). We are so close and everyone has commented at how I am like her mother since I have taken to her and vice versa. I look after her for 11 hours 1 - 3 days per week and I love spending time with her but it's so lovely to give her back at the end of the day as I am absolutely exhausted (the crawling/pulling up stage is so tiring). My friends and family keep asking when I will have children, my mother wants another grandchild to spoil (she waited so long for her first and only grandchild) and my sister wants a cousin for my niece. I have gone from never wanting children to 'maybe in a few years'.

My sister never wanted children either and neither her or her husband of 10 years were maternal until their first child arrived a year ago and it just came naturally. Now they keep asking themselves why they waited so long to have her. They would love another but the little tinker still doesn't sleep all the way through, she is awake every few hours so they are exhausted with having broken sleep and having a full time job. Plus it's the costs, they spend an absolute fortune of her as you do with your first, they both have very good paying jobs so can afford to give her all but they wonder how people afford to spoil 2+ kids. It's also child care costs which they would have to think of. They are paying £80 per week for 2 days child care so they are very grateful I help out when I can by having my niece for 1 - 3 full days per week. I couldn't cope with another though! Ha

BritAbroad

I'm in my late 30s and have never had, or wanted children. That said, if a friend announces she's pregnant I do feel a bit weird about it. I say congratulations but think 'I'm glad that's not me'. However, if I'm honest, there's a little bit of me gets a tiny bit jealous of all the attention they get - the announcement, the birth, the christening, first birthday etc etc etc. I guess I feel a little sad that I never get a chance in the spotlight. Talking to other friends who don't have kids I know I'm not alone in this. We feel like second-class citizens at times.

mountainofdebt

OH always dreaded telling me that friends were expecting as I would go hyper broody for weeks.

Then for no apparent reason, when we heard about the next expectant parents I felt nothing apart from relief that it wasn't us ......I can't explain why either.

Ladyhawk

Britabroad - think you may have put your finger on it... It maybe a teensy bit of jealousy but not actually of the pregnancy or the baby. Wow... Whoever said I was selfish was right!!

Thanks everyone for helping me get my head round this.