friend is pregnant

Saturnalia

I think it is natural when a friend goes through a big change and onto the "next life stage" that it makes you question where you are and whether it is what you want and where you really want to be headed in future. I've heard of it happening in a group of friends or colleagues that are all ticking along happily as they are and then one gets engaged or pregnant or buys a house etc. then a number of the group all go for it pretty soon after!

Maybe you should discuss your feelings with friends or keep your own diary if you prefer, and work out what it is you are feeling and whether it indicates you'd really like to change anything?

lovecake

I agree that you do feel differently about your own. I don't particularly like other people's kids or kids in general really, but I do ADORE my niece and nephew, I wish I could see them every day, I love the bones of them! So although I don't like kids as such, I know I will really enjoy my own. Maybe it is partly a biological thing as others have said, sometimes something just changes and you start to consider things you hadn't before...

I never really had a strong urge to have kids, but hubby and I made a considered decision to just go for it after we got married and now that I can feel it kicking about in my belly I love it to bits already and it's not even here yet!

I agree with Saturnalia - maybe talking it through or writing your feelings down will help you to make sense of it?

TeamLowe

i think it's perfectly understandable and logical that your friend's announcement has confused you a little.

here is a lady who you have known for a long time, so presumably respect very much and have been through a lot with, have a lot in common with, and here she is having made a life decision which she is deliriously happy with and you think is completely the right choice for her.

so you have a lot in common with her, respect her life decisions, possibly having made similar ones at similar times in the past, and this one has made her really really happy. so i think it's completely natural to wonder if the same decision would make you really really happy too

whether it would or not none of us could know

samwich1979

I can honestly say i didnt grow up around babies/small children, never had any experience with them and just hated the fact i didnt know what to do around them. So i swore i didnt ever want children or to get married.

But that changed drastically when i met my husband in 2009!

I met the right person at the right time in my life, age 30 and by 31 i was married and pregnant.

Our son is lovely and i would honestly say im so glad i changed my opinion on being a mother. Having your own IS different, everyone says it because its the TRUTH.

Yes they are a pain in the bum at times but so was i for my mum and dad!

Never say never is my advice, you never know what or who is around the corner!

burnoutbabe

its probably because they will have this big exciting change happening and you won't have that experience. Life will carry on pretty much the same.

I don't want kids at all, but still, you do think "my life isn't going to change much is it" occasionally.

miss_independent

Yup. Totally normal. Perhaps with me things are a little skewed because I've been broody since I was 15 and always known I want children/been very maternal. I've just turned 29 and, since I was about 23 and my BFF became pregnant, I get quite depressed and emotional when someone I know gets pregnant - dare I say the word...jealous (and then feel hugely guilty about it ). When I was younger, I could say that at least I was having fun/ had things I still wanted to achieve which wouldn't be conducive to children at that time. Now though I feel I have little to console myself with. My life is full - I've now done everything I wanted to alone, I've looked after myself all these years but the man and the kids that I want so much are missing.

A colleague who is 34 and really lovely is about 4 months pregnant and, in our meeting last week I was sat across from her and I just couldn't stop staring at her bump. She kept rubbing it lovingly and I just felt so...empty and sad. I have a serious case of bump envy. And I hate myself for it. Part of it for me is also that I now feel like a failure as a woman. As far as I know, I don't have fertility problems or anything but the fact I haven't been able to find a man who wanted to settle down with me and I haven't "been chosen" (i.e basically I feel like no man has seen me as having "mummy potential" and wanted me to have his children) - just makes me feel like a massive loser. And to make things worse I now sound like a bunny boiler ha!

Its not just people getting pregnant, everyone's getting engaged or married and that depresses me too. I'm feeling more and more left out/left on the shelf and sick of coming home alone at the end of the night.

I think its also normal for someone who isn't maternal. One of my teachers was pretty much single until she was 40 and then her younger sister got married and had her first child. Next thing we knew, my teacher married her best friend and she was pregnant. Before that she'd never seemed to want marriage or kids but seeing her sister with a child changed everything.

Your friend lives far away so it is slightly different but friends with kids (or even just with husbands) change everything. I spend most of my "friend" time meeting them for coffee at soft play areas or the park, often ending up with baby sick or drool on me lol. You get oddly used to having deep and meaningful conversations with your friends while they have a baby on the boob. You can't have a serious conversation without it being interrupted by "Mummy....MUMmy, MumMEE.........MUMMEEEEE - Look at ME Mummy!". I still love kids though ha! Friends don't have as much expendable income as me anymore so we can't just go away for a girly weekend. Everyone's coupled up at dinner parties or meals out. Babysitters have to be arranged before you can make plans. If a few of you meet up (and you are the only one not in the Yummy Mummy Club) the conversation is dominated by talk about breast feeding, how many stitches they needed in their vuh-jay-jay after giving birth and which Annabel Kartmel recipes are the best. And I have nothing to add/offer. It gets...isolating. And thats before the "you only have yourself to worry about" comments start.

I feel more like Bridget Jones by the day!

SavingPennies_2

I sometimes feel like that too even though Ive never wanted children. I dont think its that I feel jealous the baby per se but the whole thing of a big life change, something new and exciting and most of all seeing how happy and normal it all seems.

heartbreak_star

I'm the opposite to most - if someone announces they're pregnant my immediate thought is "congratulations, but rather you than me". I'm 33 btw, with the love of my life and have no desire for children.

HBS x

HeadAboveWater

I'm 32 in a couple of weeks and I've never wanted kids. Never had the 'broody' feeling that pretty much all of my friends have had. OH has full custody of his 3 girls (teenagers :eek:) and to be honest I'm happy with that! I do think that maybe if he didn't already have kids I'd feel differently. Then again maybe not!

My oldest sister has 2 kids, and announced on Boxing Day that number 3 was on its way! It was only a day or 2 later when I was thinking about it, that I realised I didn't get a pang of jealousy or longing when I heard! That's how I know that I'm happy with my decision.

heartbreak_star

I'm hilarious when children are in the vicinity - I won't hold babies and if I have to it's like "take it away now", and if it's toddlers I try and politely palm them off onto people who like kids.

Don't mind older kids so much - my cheer squad are aged 11 and up, that's enough for me! If I get a tiny squad one of my assistants can coach it lol!

HBS x