Moving to USA

chrisv24

caevans wrote: »

I can't help feeling it would be cruel and selfish to take grandkids away. It really would destroy my parents.
It's awful though, sometimes I think we should wait until my parents have died then we would be free to move. Then I remember longevity runs in my family and we may be in our 60`s before we are free :-o!
Silly

Do you have a brother or sister you can talk to, or even a close friend? If you can speak to someone who knows you really well their opinion could be of great help

caevans

Lama_pdx - your point number one made me laugh out loud!
I think OH and I will adjust fine, he doesn't have many friends and is the type where as long as he has his family he is happy. I have good friends, but don't worry too much about losing touch as many of them live at the other side of UK anyway. Kiddies are just 3 and 1 so no concerns there. My eldest is very shy like me. I think the confidence that Americans seem to have would be hugely beneficial for her and hopefully rub off on her.
I have sister in London.

caevans

Chrisv24 - I have a sis but we aren't close.

We really are a bunch of misfits!

Dunroamin

kacie wrote: »

I think you have to look at what's best for your family, do the pros and cons, work out where you would live and what the jobs are like there so how much you could earn.

Bearing in mind that her parents are also the OP's family.

Amanda65

caevans wrote: »

Amanda65 - I think that is a big concern, although the selfish part of me doesn't want to be carer and would like to be away before we are definitely tied here. Awful I know. My mum became carer for her mum and I saw the toll it took on her. They are in their early 60's.

I don't think that's selfish at all - I don't want to be a carer either, but will if needs be but then I have a very different relationship to you.

I have just read further on that your children are 3 and 1 - I would definitely go and have a semi-permanent trial. They are young enough that if you did come back it wouldn't have a negative effect on their education. And your parents are only in their 60s - they can still travel for many years if in good health.

As for your sister, regardless of your relationship with her what is her relationship like with your parents? She may just have to step up to the mark in the case of an emergency. What's that saying about enver regretting what you do, only what you don't do?

caevans

Thanks, I suspect my sister has a similar relationship as I do with our parents. They live a 7 hour train journey away, so if there were any problems they wouldn't be able to come up quickly. Also, my sister wouldn't be hands on, but would be very good at finances etc of any care.

I can already feel my enthusiasm for emigrating disappearing. The thought of having to say to my folks would be horrendous. There just feels like lots of barriers in the way, probably self induced by guilt. Driving myself crazy today!

We have started the process of trying to get a US passport for our eldest daughter, perhaps if that was a success it would put us in a better position for applying for a visa for me anyway? At the very least it would give my daughter options when she is older. Obviously if successful, we would then apply for youngest. The passport might also help us to introduce the idea of emigration to my parents.......!!!!

lavandergirl_2

Have you considered the cost of healthcare in the USA? How easy is it for you and your husband to find jobs that includes health insurance?

caevans

I believe most jobs come with healthcare which includes healthcare for all the family. It would have to be an absolute prerequisite before moving there

Amanda65

So what if your husband was offered the job of a lifetime - would you still delay it?

I think I would present it to them that you have lived near them for a while and now would like to live near OH's parents for a few years. They don't have to know it could be permanent!

Start looking at real jobs for your OH , they may not be available or it might not be financially viable, then once you have decided it is (if it is) present it as a bit of a fait acompli. Don't upset the apple cart for something that might not happen.

BlondeHeadOn

It sounds like the perfect time to go to me, on an agreed trial basis, see if you like it. You have the following advantages:

Kids are young enough to adapt easily, and are not already in schools etc.

You and OH are both young enough (I assume) to have the energy for the move.

Your parents are both young enough (in early 60's) to have years of life left in them yet, and can travel etc. and use technology to stay in touch (whether they want to or not is neither here nor there, they are capable if necessary).

You have your OH parents and family over there already, so it's not as if it's completely a stab in the dark.

I would say - go, go go!

BUT

I also would do all the research and make arrangements etc. without telling your parents. There's no point in causing the inevitable guilt-trip and emotional blackmail until you have to! In fact if it were me I would tell them at the last possible moment....

If you don't tell them, you can do all the research 'under the radar' to decide whether it's really what you want to do. If you decide not - no harm done. If you decide definitely to go - tell them then.

If you still can't decide, just think - your parents could live until their 90's. That's another 30 years of them ignoring you and being obsessed with your children, while you bite your lip and wish you'd gone to America... Your kids could be grown up and have kids of their own before your parents become in need of care etc.

You could waste your whole life trying not to upset them - frankly, if they were nice people that would be a trial, but if you don't even like them - it really is not worth it!


I am green with envy by the way - I would love to have the opportunity.