Moving to USA

mrcow

caevans wrote: »

I have dreamed of moving to the US since I was a kid my judgement is maybe clouded by this and is not realistic. Which is why we need to sit down and write up the pros and cons.

OMG.

Can you listen to yourself?

This is a dream of yours. It has been a dream of yours since you were a child.

And you're thinking of stuffing it back into a drawer because of your parents (whom you don't think actually care about you that much anyway!).

Either:

1. Your parents do actually love you dearly - in which case you should go because in their hearts they'd want you to go live your dreams.

2. Your parents don't really care about you only your kids - in which case you should go, why should you put others before your dreams?

When you're 50 and you're looking back on this time, if you didn't do it, you'll regret it. Go for a couple of years and see how you like it. It's an adventure. You only get one life, don't waste it sitting thinking about what may have been. And don't make it a life of regrets.

caevans

I suppose its the unknown element that scares me. We would be giving up relatively decent jobs, though perhaps could take a career break? Would keep our house here and rent in US.
I can't help thinking I keep thinking of obstacles and that keeps putting us off making the move and perhaps that's a sign I don't think it's right for us. Argh!!! My hyper critical parents mean I overanalyse everything!!! (They are taking the blame today aren't they!)

caevans

Mrcow thanks. Your advice is exactly what I would give a friend if they came to me with this dilemma. Can't seem to take my own advice though.......

Wine_of_the_World

You dont sound like you are over analysing it . A big move will be scary and you need to be realistic about it - which it seems you are doing - looking at both the +ves and -ves.

caevans

I can't help feeling it would be cruel and selfish to take grandkids away. It really would destroy my parents.
It's awful though, sometimes I think we should wait until my parents have died then we would be free to move. Then I remember longevity runs in my family and we may be in our 60`s before we are free :-o!
Silly

Almo

I can't advise on the family aspect. I come from a family of wanderers and don't have kids so not really able to comment too much.

In terms of emigrating, I would do it but research it and plan carefully. Definitely keep your house and if you can take career breaks I would. Make sure you have plenty of cash behind you for getting set up and also for tiding you over if it takes a while to find work.

Think carefully about what would happen if one of you wanted to come back. I would set a minimum period where you both agree to stick it out regardless (I guess this might be driven by career break timelines) and agree also that you will both give it your all during that time. It might seem unlikely right now to have to uphold those promises but it can be very hard to be in a strange place, not working, not knowing anyone.

Think about finances, remembering that somethings which are free at the point of use here are not in the States and also consider whether the industries in which you are likely to work have conditions comparable to the UK, particularly in terms of annual leave, which can be limited compared to the UK. Even leaving aside your parents you might want to come back on holiday to see friends etc and it's miserable having to always choose between a trip back to the UK vs a trip exploring the States/going elsewhere.

partialycloudy

Just because you move out there doesn't mean it will be forever...you may decide to come back in 10years.
And what about the opportunity for your OH parents to spend quality time with their grandchildren? And your OH to spend time with his family?

Amanda65

Hi OP

How old are your children? Do your parents have any other family? What age are your parents? What would you do if they became ill or infirm?

I am not for one minute suggesing that any of these are reasons not to go but may be things you need to consider. My parents live 5 minutes from me, and luckily I have a great relationship with them. My brother, who is also close to them, lives in the US. In the past couple of years both parents have had health problems and I know my brother has found it very difficult being so far away.

lama_pdx

As someone who emigrated from the US to the UK, I hope I can help a bit.

1. Your parents: they'll deal. It's the US, not a remote village in Kyrgyzstan. Put that element out of your mind altogether. Not a factor.

2. Even in the NE of the US, the sort of life you can have varies wildly. A post-industrial working-class town in southern New Hampshire is different from a chi-chi suburb in Connecticut, which is like another planet compared to Boston, as opposed to a campus town in Vermont. Each has its charm, but I would think carefully and research where precisely you'll end up.

3. Only you can say how well your kiddies will adjust. Are they outgoing? Do they make friends easily? Can they take a bit of flack about their accents?

4. Only you can say how well you and your husband will adjust. Can you get along with different sorts of people? Can you roll with the misunderstandings, big and small, that will be part of daily life? Do you find it invigorating to be out of your element, or does it just wear you out?

5. Healthcare. Chances are you or your husband will find a good job with decent health insurance, so you'll be okay on that front. But have a read and educate yourself about what happens to un- or under-insured people who develop health problems in the US. Prepare for the worst.

Anything else I can help with, let me know!

caevans

Amanda65 - I think that is a big concern, although the selfish part of me doesn't want to be carer and would like to be away before we are definitely tied here. Awful I know. My mum became carer for her mum and I saw the toll it took on her. They are in their early 60's.

In regards to spending time with OH family - absolutely right, we should also think of them. It's funny though, my folks are overbearing and his can go months without contact! Opposites.