Moving to USA

caevans

Hi everyone
Looking for advice on what other people would do in my situation please.
My husband had dual USA/UK citizenship, though hasn't lived in US since he was a young boy. His family still live in the USA.
I have always lived in UK, but from young age, wanted to move abroad. We have 2 young kiddies.
We have been hankering after a move to the USA for a few years now, both feeling like we would like the change. We plan on sitting down and looking at pros and cons of staying or going. However,
I have always felt we would never be able to move away as my parents would be left on their own. They are obsessed with our kids and like to spend as much time as possible with them. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say it would destroy them. And yes, I would suggest that their relationship with my kids is obsessional.

I feel like I had something of an epiphany yesterday where I realised that I barely like my parents and why am I letting my guilt at the thought of leaving them stop me from trying a new experience. I can't talk to my parents very easily so this is not something I can discuss. There would be arguing, guilt and recriminations!

I suppose I am looking for advice, what would other people do? Would you try and settle with what you have got and stop the silly pipe dreams ? Or take a chance and destroy relationships and give yourself enormous amounts of guilt?!
All sounds very dramatic, but unfortunately true
Thanks in advance

kacie

I think you have to look at what's best for your family, do the pros and cons, work out where you would live and what the jobs are like there so how much you could earn.

Remember that there is always things like skype so your family could still see and interact with your kids if they wanted to. Also look up the visa process as well so you have an idea of how you would go about moving over there.

Gillyx

Ultimately what would be the best for your family? Thats the question you have to ask yourself, it's not about your parents or anyone else?

I'd definitely move before your children are involved in the school system here though as it could be very different in the states. Think about long term costs for living there, higher education is v v expensive in the states, so you'd need brilliant jobs to be able to afford it for your kids. How easy would it be for your OH and yourself to find jobs?

Lots of questions

caevans

Thank you!
My husband could get work right away it would seem. I wouldn't be able to do my current job as you need a masters. I could either do a masters in USA, or my preferred option would be to find a job that I could use my skills but not need to do further education.
In terms of schooling, that is definitely a concern. Once you live in a state though, if you apply to a state school ie Uni, then you are subsidised so it is a lot cheaper. Though obviously that's a way off and kiddies might not want Uni anyway!
Husbands mum would essentially act as a sponsor for us, and not to be too crass, but she is not getting any younger.....
Skype works really well for hubbies family, but I know already that wouldn't be good enough for mine. My parents never holiday and have never been abroad. I think they believe that Americans are all gun toting maniacs!

Panda78

Just wondering how your parents have managed to be so close to your kids but not to you? I'm wondering if they are trying to make up for the relationship they lack with you.

As you say you barely like your parents, i would probably move. I'd love to live in the US but i'm so close to my parents and siblings i would find it too hard and vice versa.

chrisv24

I think you have to put the kids first here. Do you think they will be happy in America? If so then that is a massive pro. As for your parents, they can always come and visit, use skype etc. The way things work today, your kids can video call them regularly and still maintain a good relationship.

I dream of moving to America so if it were me I would be off like a shot, You are luck to have such a nice decision to make........................ Choose America

Gloomendoom

My sister-in-law and her family emigrated to the USA a few years ago. She's just back now.

It doesn't suit everybody.

caevans

Thanks!
Re the relationship with my parents - lets just say they are better grandparents than parents ! My relationship has pretty much been non existent with them since my kids were born, I have come to terms with the fact my mum seems to think of me as a grandchild producing machine rather than a daughter. My husband is constantly shocked by their lack of interest in me and my life unless it relates to our girls. I am not jealous of this and have accepted it. If I am talking about something my mum talks over the top of me etc etc
I think if we did go, it would be for a trial period initially.
I worry that as I have dreamed of moving to the US since I was a kid my judgement is maybe clouded by this and is not realistic. Which is why we need to sit down and write up the pros and cons.
I do suffer from depression and anxiety on and off, so find my decision making abilities are often not the best. And my husband is worse than useless at making decisions. A fine pair :-)

gingin_2

If you can go as a trial run then I wouldn't hesitate.

Out of interest, what part of the USA are you looking at?

caevans

Likely East coast near husbands family.... Though probably not too close!

Wine_of_the_World

I'd vote for a trial run - then there is less pressure if things dont go as planned.

Can you afford to fly back every year? As your children get older they could fly back alone to spend some of their holidays with their grandparents - that could be a win-win all around!