Is anyone happily married??

*Louise*

juliebunny wrote: »

I'm recently single again, and everyone I know seems to be moaning at me about their other halfs, some of the issues are quite serious. I'm wondering whether to bother with dating again or just to be happy on my own (with the cats, of course.)


Can anyone please restore my faith in love and relationships?:(

I'm sorry to hear that - it must be so disheartening for you hearing things like that all the time.

I have been with my husband since I was 18 - we have had some tough times (death of a child, serious illnesses, reundancy etc) but the fact we got through it all makes us even better together. We aren't perfect, but we both agree that running to friends/relatives with complaints about the other would never help any situation so we have never done it. 16 years and 3 children later we are still happily married. If we weren't, I don't think I could hang about, I would feel like I was wasting my life.

elletee

Wow - this post has made me think it's time to get back out there and find someone

Thanks all

Bogof_Babe

I'm curious to know whether for all those who mention "ups and downs" etc., any of them have involved romantic association with a third party? In my (sadly all too recent) experience, things are never the same again after that. You can forgive, move on, draw a line under it etc., but something dies.

In my case my OH "doesn't do talking" so we are stuck in a joyless place, staying together because it seems like too much hassle to separate. Also he was gobsmacked to find out that I would actually expect half the value of the house that he would keep, and I'd give him half the value of the tiny flat that I would keep, upon which he immediately stopped talking about splitting up. He's more interested in his money than his marriage apparently.

Up to 35 years of marriage I'd have immediately said yes we're happy. Moral of the story is never take anything for granted .

I'm lucky to have the flat to escape to, where I can be myself.

elletee

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I'm curious to know whether for all those who mention "ups and downs" etc., any of them have involved romantic association with a third party? In my (sadly all too recent) experience, things are never the same again after that. You can forgive, move on, draw a line under it etc., but something dies.

In my case my OH "doesn't do talking" so we are stuck in a joyless place, staying together because it seems like too much hassle to separate. Also he was gobsmacked to find out that I would actually expect half the value of the house that he would keep, and I'd give him half the value of the tiny flat that I would keep, upon which he immediately stopped talking about splitting up. He's more interested in his money than his marriage apparently.

Up to 35 years of marriage I'd have immediately said yes we're happy. Moral of the story is never take anything for granted .

I'm lucky to have the flat to escape to, where I can be myself.

Hi Sorry to hear your situation. But it's not just up to him if you separate ... and it is totally worth the hassle to be in a happy place again. Best of luck xx

Robin_TBW

Mojisola wrote: »

In that case, you're not right for each other.

Thought about it a couple of times and it's awkward. We get on really well, no problems at all. Little disagreement over nothing now and then. The only difference is relationship-wise I don't know where I see myself in five years and she does.

seven-day-weekend

Bogof Babe, I'm sorry for your circumstances.

However I can say that I do know a few couples who have had 'third parties' in them temporarily and the liaisons ranged from romantic but celibate attachments to full-blown affairs with the guy driving half way across Europe to see his lover. All these marriages have survived and come through the other side, with their partnership stronger than ever. Both parties have to want it and be prepared to work at putting it right.

The guy who drove across Europe did actually get as far as the Czech Republic when he came to his senses and realised what he was throwing away ....so he turned round and drove home. He and his wife are still together and have worked through it.

All the partners in these marriages were late middle-aged.

Hope this helps and I'll be thinking of you.

Bogof_Babe

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Bogof Babe, I'm sorry for your circumstances.

However I can say that I do know a few couples who have had 'third parties' in them temporarily and the liaisons ranged from romantic but celibate attachments to full-blown affairs with the guy driving half way across Europe to see his lover. All these marriages have survived and come through the other side, with their partnership stronger than ever. Both parties have to want it and be prepared to work at putting it right.

The guy who drove across Europe did actually get as far as the Czech Republic when he came to his senses and realised what he was throwing away ....so he turned round and drove home. He and his wife are still together and have worked through it.

All the partners in these marriages were late middle-aged.

Hope this helps and I'll be thinking of you.

That has made me SDW, what a touching story. The key point though is "you've both got to want it to work". We have lost our way as regards communication - he is permanently on the defensive, and I daren't say anything because I just get a moody face back.

We "get on" okay when we're together so long as it's all just superficial - shopping, watching TV etc. We might as well be flatmates nowadays. I've got to the point where I don't know what I want anyway. I am happy with my own company and my "other life" in the flat. Obviously me going away doesn't help rebuild the foundations, so something has got to give. Sigh, isn't life difficult?

Right, sun is shining, it's a glorious day and I'm going out for a walk around the charity shops!

seven-day-weekend

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

That has made me SDW, what a touching story. The key point though is "you've both got to want it to work". We have lost our way as regards communication - he is permanently on the defensive, and I daren't say anything because I just get a moody face back.

We "get on" okay when we're together so long as it's all just superficial - shopping, watching TV etc. We might as well be flatmates nowadays. I've got to the point where I don't know what I want anyway. I am happy with my own company and my "other life" in the flat. Obviously me going away doesn't help rebuild the foundations, so something has got to give. Sigh, isn't life difficult?

Right, sun is shining, it's a glorious day and I'm going out for a walk around the charity shops!

Hope it works for you xx

margaretclare

We've been married for 11 years although we got together when he was still married to someone else. Both aged 62, he was in his 2nd unsuccessful marriage whereas I was widowed. We were on the same wavelength from the word 'go'. We still are, although coming from completely different backgrounds, life histories, life experiences. It has been amazing and something I could never have foretold. Long may it last.

andygb

We have been together for about 23 years (coming up for 21 married), and although we have had problems and a lot of stress, I reckon that we get on better now than ever.
Things are particularly tight at the moment (I haven't worked for over a year), but we are more like a little team, working for the positive things, and fighting against the negative, disruptive elements (one set of relations on each side) who would try to drive us apart.
The way I see any serious relationship, whether it is marriage or just long term, is that you have to be committed, keep talking and never go to bed still mad at each other.