Need a rant!

londonsurrey

hellsbells0405 wrote: »

He tells me it is me, that I've made him lose confidence in himself etc. But yet I have provided everything to allow him to grow as a person. I don't understand

He has grown as a person. Unfortunately, the person he's grown into is a person more confident in his bullying of you. Not everyone chooses the right path - it just so happens that he didn't.

I've learnt it the hard way - just because you're nice to someone doesn't mean that they're nice back. There are a lot of people who simply take it to mean that they can ask for more (and without giving anything back).

hellsbells0405_2

Everyone around me, even his sister, have told me to get out. Says a lot in my eyes, just need the courage to do it.

He told his own sister he had cancer, how twisted is that?!

londonsurrey

hellsbells0405 wrote: »

Everyone around me, even his sister, have told me to get out. Says a lot in my eyes, just need the courage to do it.

He told his own sister he had cancer, how twisted is that?!

It says tons. It says that he will say anything.

Stop listening. Every time you think of something he said, ask yourself, "Does this make me feel bad?", if so remind yourself that he is just saying things to put the giving people around him down, so that they keep on giving to him, and MAKE yourself put it out of your head, because you know it's all pure poison to disable you.

bagpussbear

Don't let anyone break you OP!

You are not totally broken as you are asking for help here on this forum, which is good :-)

If you are worried about him trying to keep your stuff, could you ask your dad, brother, family members to come round and be with you whilst you remove things from the flat and go? Sounds like you need a bit of support there.

get out as fast as you can, he sounds a horrible person to be with.

sassyblue

hellsbells0405 wrote: »

He told his own sister he had cancer, how twisted is that?!

Have a search for a thread l started a few months back, it was called 'incessant liars' or something. You'll be surprised how common that lie is....

As for telling you you're the problem - he can tell you anything he wants, you don't have to believe him!

Wait until you dump him, he'll try his best manipulative tricks then.....

ca55ie

Be strong and brave and as my daughter would say "man up" - there's plenty of support here for you. You can see how manipulative your partner has been and you do't have to put up with it any longer.

Heres looking to a fresh start :beer:

hellsbells0405_2

Thank you everyone xx

heartbreak_star

Mojisola wrote: »

Well, he would, wouldn't he?

Read up on "gaslighting" and see if it rings any bells - http://dealingwithtoxicpeople.blogspot.co.uk/2010/04/gaslighting-effect.html

I'm so glad it wasn't just me that thought of gaslighting...I just couldn't remember the actual term used

HBS x

hellsbells0405_2

I'd never even heard of it before so thanks

Yorkie1

Looking at the practical side of things, assuming you want to end things with him:

1. The tenancy. Are you still in the fixed period, or on a rolling tenancy (I assume you're in England or Wales).

If still in the fixed period, you can't end the tenancy until the end of the fixed period, or in line with a break clause in the tenancy if it's more than 6 months in total duration.

If you're in a rolling (periodic) tenancy, then you only need to give 1 month's notice, to end at the end of a tenancy period.

See this post for more info:
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=52421475&postcount=6

I *think* where there is a joint tenancy, one person can give notice to end it on behalf of both tenants, but double check this on the House Buying etc sub-forum on here.

As you're joint tenants, you can't exclude him from the property if he still wishes to live there while the joint tenancy is running.

2. Contracts.
Apart from the phone, the other utility bills are already in your name so not much needs doing there.

What's the situation with the mobile phone contract? Is it a monthly contract you're tied into for x months?

3. Bank accounts.
Do you have a joint account which he can draw money from? If so, then set one up for yourself. Put your money into there and switch all your Direct Debits across. Then, finally, stop funding the joint account so that he can't drain you financially.

4. Finding a new property.
As others have said, do a statement of affairs on the Debt free wannabee board. The people over there are excellent at finding ways to minimise your expenditure.

5. Other preparations. Best to do as much as you can before telling him it's over. Have a look at the Women's Aid website for other preparations you can make such as making sure personal items, or important documents, are safe if you think they might be at risk once your decision is known.