Need a rant!

Mojisola

hellsbells0405 wrote: »

I have been with my OH for 2 years (known him for 26ish!) everyone told me not to get with him as he was "bad news". A known womaniser etc.

It started off great we had 2 weeks where you could call it a "honeymoon period" but after that he lost interest. It got to the point where I did split up with him once but he manged to worm his way back in stupid me.

We then got a flat together, more for the fact that I couldnt live with my parents anymore.

We havent been right for some time we live separate lives more or less and when we are together we can fight.

He hates me seeing my friends, he's more or less said he is jealous of me! He can be verbally abusive at times as well. My self esteem is now zero.

He was a known womanizer and sex addict. But since about 6 months in he hasnt wanted to know me that way really we can go months with no physical contact.

Basically he has broken me.

I think he hates that I earn more than him. He was declared bankrupt 6 years ago and never recovered.

I am scared to leave (everything in the house is mine), and scared to throw him out (in case I cant cope financially). I really dont know what to do anymore

Any advice?

hellsbells0405 wrote: »

We do have a friend living with us, but at "mates rates" if you get what I mean.

Start standing up for yourself - and listen to your friends next time they warn you off someone.

Get rid of the two free-loaders, do some "improving my self-esteem" courses, get in a lodger and start enjoying life.

hellsbells0405_2

Thank you Mojisola

Mojisola

If you've got into the habit of giving in to other people, it can be very hard to break. Keep coming on here and people will support you through your transformation - 2013 can be your "caterpillar to butterfly" year!

hellsbells0405_2

Mojisola wrote: »

If you've got into the habit of giving in to other people, it can be very hard to break. Keep coming on here and people will support you through your transformation - 2013 can be your "caterpillar to butterfly" year!

I do try not to be a push over, although I have failed with it recently

londonsurrey

hellsbells0405 wrote: »

We do have a friend living with us, but at "mates rates" if you get what I mean.

Is this an avenue of potential revenue? It's great to be nice to friends, but if you literally can't afford it, then it's only fair that they make a greater financial contribution.

It's not being money grabbing, it's just pure common sense if the alternative is that you and the lodger get kicked out of the flat!

Mojisola

hellsbells0405 wrote: »

I do try not to be a push over, although I have failed with it recently

Your soon-to-be ex sounds like an experienced manipulator. These kind of people can make even confident people lose their way.

hellsbells0405_2

londonsurrey wrote: »

Is this an avenue of potential revenue? It's great to be nice to friends, but if you literally can't afford it, then it's only fair that they make a greater financial contribution.

It's not being money grabbing, it's just pure common sense if the alternative is that you and the lodger get kicked out of the flat!

She used to lodge with us last year at a greater amount, because she was in full time employment, she then left to go back home to Wales for a bit, and then only recently came back up to find a job (which she has done, albeit part time).

I looked at an alternative flat at the weekend, to move completely away from this flat, but it was too noisy for me.

hellsbells0405_2

Mojisola wrote: »

Your soon-to-be ex sounds like an experienced manipulator. These kind of people can make even confident people lose their way.

He tells me it is me, that I've made him lose confidence in himself etc. But yet I have provided everything to allow him to grow as a person. I don't understand

londonsurrey

hellsbells0405 wrote: »

I do try not to be a push over, although I have failed with it recently

You're human, and not perfect. You tried to be nice, and giving, and to give someone you cared for the benefit of the doubt. These are all things that society tells nice girls to do, without necessarily telling them the important caveat of when to stop doing it!

The good bit is that you've actually realised that you were a pushover, which is 50% of the fight towards not being one.

After all, it's hard to fight against being a pushover if you don't even realise that you're being taken advantage of!

Mojisola

hellsbells0405 wrote: »

He tells me it is me, that I've made him lose confidence in himself etc.

Well, he would, wouldn't he?

Read up on "gaslighting" and see if it rings any bells - http://dealingwithtoxicpeople.blogspot.co.uk/2010/04/gaslighting-effect.html