What's an alternative to a care home.

74jax

Just to give you a quick update.

Dad has been in hospital for a little over a week now, he has another tumor on his liver and will be in hospital for a few weeks yet. His brother sadly died when he was in hospital and he was upset he never got to see him before he died, but other than that seems in good spirits (as well as can he can be....)

Mum isn't coping well I'm told - although speaking to her she says everything is fine.

The carers have reported to Social Care that home now smells of urine however her care worker says if she chooses to live that way they can't interfere........

I've had a few PM's over this situation and just wanted to say thanks for your messages.

Tuesday_Tenor

Sounds like a very difficult situation.

I do occasional respite care, relieving the family carer, for a woman who's lost all empathy/consideration for others following a stroke, and only relates to people by issuing constant and urgent demands. It's very wearing. Much as I try to sympathise with her frustration at no longer being able to do what she used to, at the end of the week I'm glad to get away. Unlike your poor dad, I'm fit and well, but I couldn't live with her all the time. I'm not surprised he can't cope.

Sadly, it seems like it is Dad who is going to have to move. Do they both own the house? Assuming they do, he will still be able to come and go as he pleases. [Which may be a lot or a little, depending how Mum reacts to his moving ....].

You need to liaise with the Social Worker to explore, and keep open, as many options as possible:

- Get his name down for sheltered accommodation immediately. In most areas there is a massive waiting list. So it's proably a 'just in case it's relevant when one eventually come up' measure. But if he's not on the list, he won't have the option.

- Explore care homes. How much choice there is depends where you live. I know of some, elsewhere, where relatively capable residents come and go as they please, as described in other posts. Many years ago my Ex's mother moved to an amazing (pricey) place where there were two homes next to each other for people of different capabilities. To begin with she was in a 'suite' where she had her own kitchen where she had breakfast, but went down to the dining room for her main meal. Later, as she deteriorated, she moved to the nursing home next door.

However, where I live now there is nothing like these. The one residential home in town is now filled with people bordering on 'full nursing' care who would never go out on their own. I investigated it for my father, thinking it would be brilliant for him in future, as he was very mobile and the local town facilities were very close and easily accessible via level paths. But I realised he'd be the only one so capable; all the others were VERY immobile.

Good luck; I do hope you find a solution.