marriage breakdown advice required

strof

**Patty** wrote: »

Everything that LindyLoo says plus a Letter of Disassociation ASAP.

letter of disassociation patty? that would not be a legal document though?

**Patty**

strof wrote: »

letter of disassociation patty? that would not be a legal document though?

It stops any financial association (so she will be unable to obtain joint products or money in your name).......but you will have to remove her from the joint account


I know at this stage you probably don't think she will stoop so low as to obtain money in your name........but she will. Seen it happen before.

Heffi1

Cut off her access to your money, if you are paying for the DDs and mortgage then in my eyes that is enough, make sure there is food in the house and apart from that, absolutely no cash to her at all.

While you are digging her out of each mess she makes she is not learning a thing about how to manage money.

Maybe when the PDL come looking for their money and she does not have it, and you don't pay it, she 'might' sit up and take notice.

Until then why should she, she knows you will pay to keep her out of trouble.

You are enabling her to continue, so if you want it to stop then stop what YOU are doing and she will have to organise herself better.

Make sure that you are disassociated from her financially and then she will not ruin your credit rating any further.

I wonder if you could talk to the bank and remove her from the joint account so that she cannot increase the debt anymore.

strof

Heffi1 wrote: »

Cut off her access to your money, if you are paying for the DDs and mortgage then in my eyes that is enough, make sure there is food in the house and apart from that, absolutely no cash to her at all.

While you are digging her out of each mess she makes she is not learning a thing about how to manage money.

Maybe when the PDL come looking for their money and she does not have it, and you don't pay it, she 'might' sit up and take notice.

Until then why should she, she knows you will pay to keep her out of trouble.

You are enabling her to continue, so if you want it to stop then stop what YOU are doing and she will have to organise herself better.

Make sure that you are disassociated from her financially and then she will not ruin your credit rating any further.

I wonder if you could talk to the bank and remove her from the joint account so that she cannot increase the debt anymore.

the joint account is with the halifax and she pays something like 55 pounds a month for it. i have not used the account for around 10 years. i though the account had to be in credit for me to remove my name?
i have tried to reduce her money but she has now taken to coming to my workplace and asking for my switch card for petrol etc

Heffi1

I would pop into the branch and speak to one of the advisors to see if you can remove yourself stating you have not used the account in such a long time, explain that there may be a separation so you wanted to get your affairs in order and separate the money.

As to her coming in to work, I am afraid you are going to have to be brave and say NO and keep saying it each time until she realises you are serious. Also mention that you could lose your job if she does not stop visiting and then where would you get the money from.

Why is she not working herself?

strof

redundancy but in my opinion she is not trying hard enough to get another job always excuses as to why she has not got time to fill in applications!!!.
i honestly think she has some kind of mental health problem the more i think about it ,and i would be better off without her i have no regrets i could or cannot do any more

**Patty**

Whilst you may not be able to remove her since there is an overdraft.......You may still be able to have the account frozen. Which means she can't make any further transactions from it.....

Why does she need petrol? Is she driving the one & only car? Take it to work with you.......there's such a thing as a bus! Or she can do what many out-of-work folk do & walk!

BitterAndTwisted

**Patty** wrote: »

Whilst you may not be able to remove her since there is an overdraft.......You may still be able to have the account frozen. Which means she can't make any further transactions from it.....


This. You need to get the account frozen as a matter of extreme urgency. While there is still a financial association your own circumstances will be in terrible danger.

Why does she need petrol? Is she driving the one & only car? Take it to work with you.......there's such a thing as a bus! Or she can do what many out-of-work folk do & walk!

Get the car keys off her. While she's not working and has "not got time to fill in applications", she has no need for the use of a car and nowhere she needs to go in one. Once she has no car to use, she won't be popping in to your work to blackmail you for petrol-money.

I'd be tempted to show her the door. She's just a bloody parasite right now.

Think about the example you are teaching your child. This is not the way normal, responsible adults live their lives.

Dunroamin

strof wrote: »

thanks for the reply. i try and explain everyday to her but im sick of being the parent in the relationship .

im 50 this year and i think it is really break time no one could have done anymore and been as patient as i have i do get angry with her now as her financial irresponsibility has increased and i know thats not good.

ive done the tough love by cutting her loose a bit and getting her arranging reduced payments with next, creation marks and spencer etc but she then reneges on the payments and gets a quick quid loan out to pay some off them !!

yes she is aware but she does not seem to understand and i have to explain over and over again why i cant go somewhere because of lack of funds it is really quite wearing.
she also had an affair a year ago: the reason she said was because i never took her anywhere( see lack of funds haha)

This isn't what people mean by tough love; quite the opposite, in fact!

thorsoak

strof wrote: »

the joint account is with the halifax and she pays something like 55 pounds a month for it. i have not used the account for around 10 years. i though the account had to be in credit for me to remove my name?
i have tried to reduce her money but she has now taken to coming to my workplace and asking for my switch card for petrol etc

If she is unemployed, where is she getting the £55 that she pays into Halifax each month? Are you giving her an allowance?