What am I going to do about my mum-in-law?

meritaten

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

I'm hesitant to involve external organisations as I've fallen out with hubby's family before for interfering in things that had nothing to do with me. I can just imagine the fall out if social services got involved. She would play down the problems I think in order to save her son. And her dignity I guess.

I need to get some more info about the house - whose name it's in, what are the youngest son's rights etc.

Oh yes. but this is where Scottish law differs from English and Welsh too - I know enough to know that it favours the children. but really not enough to advise!

I understand what you say about interfering - but this man ABUSES her! so does his GF in that she is staying rent free, doesn't pay anything and gets waited on to boot!
If your OH and his brothers are willing to accept this situation - then perhaps your hands are tied. why not call a family meeting (include THIER wives) and discuss what is to be done?

thehappybutterfly

meritaten wrote: »

Oh yes. but this is where Scottish law differs from English and Welsh too - I know enough to know that it favours the children. but really not enough to advise!

I understand what you say about interfering - but this man ABUSES her! so does his GF in that she is staying rent free, doesn't pay anything and gets waited on to boot!
If your OH and his brothers are willing to accept this situation - then perhaps your hands are tied. why not call a family meeting (include THIER wives) and discuss what is to be done?[/QUOTE]

Good idea. Maybe that's what's needed and if they all agree that something needs to be done - fantastic, but if they all say "it's nowt to do with us" I'll be very upset but at least I'll know where I stand. If they won't interfere, then I can't.

coolcait

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

I've not had a conversation with mum about her debt repayment arrangement for a while. Maybe I need to arrange for her contact to come to her house for a meeting with me present.

If she's in the Debt Arrangement Scheme, and she's running up new debts, then she could get herself into a real mess.

Taking out new credit after the DAS is approved is a big no-no. It could end up with the DAS getting revoked. And then she - and her house - wouldn't be protected from creditor action. All the interest would get added on to her debts again too.

If she's not in DAS, then none of this is relevant - so, sorry to interrupt .

thehappybutterfly

coolcait wrote: »

If she's in the Debt Arrangement Scheme, and she's running up new debts, then she could get herself into a real mess.

Taking out new credit after the DAS is approved is a big no-no. It could end up with the DAS getting revoked. And then she - and her house - wouldn't be protected from creditor action. All the interest would get added on to her debts again too.

If she's not in DAS, then none of this is relevant - so, sorry to interrupt .

This is what I'm worried about too. I'm not sure exactly what repayment arrangement she's in. I don't think it's a DAS but I'll ask to see her paperwork again.

Interrupt all you want!

meritaten

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

meritaten wrote: »

Oh yes. but this is where Scottish law differs from English and Welsh too - I know enough to know that it favours the children. but really not enough to advise!

I understand what you say about interfering - but this man ABUSES her! so does his GF in that she is staying rent free, doesn't pay anything and gets waited on to boot!
If your OH and his brothers are willing to accept this situation - then perhaps your hands are tied. why not call a family meeting (include THIER wives) and discuss what is to be done?[/QUOTE]

Good idea. Maybe that's what's needed and if they all agree that something needs to be done - fantastic, but if they all say "it's nowt to do with us" I'll be very upset but at least I'll know where I stand. If they won't interfere, then I can't.

it could be pointed out to the brothers that the inheritance will go down the drain if this waster is allowed to carry on - and MIL keeps on racking up debts! they may inherit nothing but debts!
I find appealing to peoples greedy side usually gets results!:)

*max*

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

I've said she's blind and deaf and it's true that she's registered blind but not totally. She has some vision. It's hilarious to watch her trying to read the label on a tin of peas!

Maybe "hilarious" wasn't the word to use there?

londonsurrey

*max* wrote: »

Maybe "hilarious" wasn't the word to use there?

A person suffering an affliction, and close caring friends and family are generally understood to be allowed that leeway. It's like people of a group/ethnic minority taking the mickey out of themselves.

Treevo

I'm actually quite shocked at this. It seems you're husband and his brothers are happy for their mum to suffer this abuse because it means they don't have to 'care' for her. Sickening.

BitterAndTwisted

What makes you think they are all "happy"? From what the OP has described, a number of them have attempted to help and advise but the old lady carries on regardless. One can help other people but they need to want the help in the first place otherwise you're just interfering: it takes great strength of character and determination to takes steps which will harm the one person you feel dependent on and who is in turn dependent on you. Perhaps the MIL needs to have her situation and the possible outcomes spelled out to her plus the support which will be at hand before she feels able to act.

thehappybutterfly

Treevo wrote: »

I'm actually quite shocked at this. It seems you're husband and his brothers are happy for their mum to suffer this abuse because it means they don't have to 'care' for her. Sickening.

That's not the case at all Treevo. They have all tried to help but mum won't listen to their advice.