Quarter of the way there and full speed ahead

elantan

gallygirl wrote: »

El have you thought about saying 'no' to son? You have enough concerns of your own without adding to them. Can he not get a graduate loan to fund his studies? That's what my DD had to do. I know you want to help your son but you'd be doing that by giving him a roof over his head. The bank of El is seriously credit-crunched already - I'm guessing he doesn't know your problems (money and work wise) other he wouldn't be asking - maybe time for a long conversation as I'm sure he wouldn't want to add to your pressures?

Sorry if you think I'm speaking out of turn .

Tilly_MFW_in_6_YRS wrote: »

Morning El, spooky that GG posted and I'm along with the same message. It's blinking hard as a parent, but if you provide a roof over his head to help reduce his outgoings, then I would encourage him to eb@y, car boot, survey etc plus apply for a study loan so that he achieves this himself.

Whilst I don't doubt he would pay it back, he will value his achievement far more if he funds it himself. That's a gift that you can give him.

GG recommended the Millionaire next door book, have a look as it covers off supporting kids financially.

Hopefully you will know that I'm supporting you with this message, not wanting to cause you angst/upset

Best wishes Tilly x

right first of all ladies, never apologise for trying to help, i do honestly appreciate it, and i know you are trying your best to support me.

whilst on the book of faces last night i was contacted and given some great ideas, i had never heard of a career development loan, or graduate loan before ( obviously i have never needed one lol) so did a quick google and this seems an option deff worth putting on the table, i'm also thinking if we needed to we could take on some form of interest free credit card ( again ) but this will be a last kind've option for us.

I think our reason for wanting to help our son comes from guilt more than anything, we have given our son the best that we could and years ago ( believe it or not) i used to work even more hours so that son could go to swimming clubs, play golf, tennis, go to the pictures etc with his friends but always money wasnt exactly great so son would turn to gran and paps that always provided ... this would be things from a years membership to the local theme park to golf club fees ( very expensive local club, that his paps couldnt even afford ... but it was cheaper for a kid) holidays with his gran and paps for years ( son usually went away twice a year with them and we would do camping holidays every year with the occasion foreign holiday) to buying a house for him ( the one that he was attacked in and was destroyed)

so they have always provided when we couldnt, and i am going to be honest here and say on the one hand i was jealous because we couldn't provide it but on the other hand i would be angry because i thought he was getting too much and not learning the value of money and how to work for what you have ( if we said no gran said yes kinda thing) ... in this instance for example son approached gran before he even approached us, now gran has agreed to help if son moves in with us ( i am sincerely hoping that this was sons suggestion and not m.i.l's)

so i am thinking well we might not even have to find the £7k cause gran will no doubt stump up some ( if not most) of it, its kinda the same with the holiday we are going on shortly, we are all going away together paid for by the inlaws, yes they are kind to pay for it but there is also a level of control there, i think what i am trying to say is there is part of me that wants to be able to do this for son

Although tbh son wants to pay for his course, he is fiercely independent that way, he would only be borrowing the money from his dad and myself, he bought his house when he was 20 with £20k he had saved up from living with us for a year and working his wee butt off.

Anyway i'm thinking graduate loan etc, he can live with us for the year ( thus renting out his house and having income coming in to cover costs) he can carry on working whilst he is studying and that will pay his loan off.

he wants to live with us as he took a year off of his work to concentrate on his dissertation, but sadly spent that year embroiled in gf issues and dealing with other personal issues, so he wants to live with us where he will have space to study and a stable environment.

when we have our discussion, i will be bringing up things like what's to say that the same thing that happened last year wont happen this year as well? how will you manage studying for a masters and working when you couldnt manage working and an honours last year?

you know the type of questions you need to ask

if anyone can think of anymore please let me know

elantan

ooooo and incidently i got a copy of the millionaire next door from the library yesterday

elantan

free sims arrived at my house today so i will be loading them up and sending off texts to work and work mates saying this is my new number please delete the old one

Butti

elantan wrote: »

Ok make that 5 times in 3 days I have been contacted ... And it's still morning ... Honestly I reckon if I were to die they would still text me

Death is no excuse...at least that is what they told my mum when they invited her to come back and work some shifts!!!

gallygirl

Crikey, life is complicated El, isn't it :eek:. I think I feel loathe to offer advice about children as sometimes I feel I'm a heartless b*tch and I might be the only one to say no :rotfl:.

Good luck with 'the talk' (and maybe pass on Millionaire Next Door to MIL )

Butti

elantan wrote: »

ooooo and incidently i got a copy of the millionaire next door from the library yesterday

Is the millionaire next door single?
And I'm just trying to visualise El, is he on the left or right of your house?

gallygirl

Butti wrote: »

Is the millionaire next door single?
And I'm just trying to visualise El, is he on the left or right of your house?

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:and how rich is his dad

chevalier

Hi El
I don't post very much but well done on your progress.

I don't know if this is any help to you but

http://www.groupon.co.uk/deals/milton_keynes/NLP-Dynamics/21759213?p=2&nlp=&CID=UK_CRM_1_0_0_142&a=503&utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&sid=011069ba-3b7b-427c-8a4f-b99e0e5eccfb&division=milton_keynes&uh=bd4a68ffa79eb78f94b41f95655b2b4b632fea4caaa33de9abc1c5f9e24ae698&date=20132205&sender=rm&s=body&c=deal_more&d=deal-page&utm_campaign=NLP-Dynamics-21759213

This is a groupon deal for a NLP course. I don't know if it is of any use.

Like others I would steer your son towards a graduate loan. But I can see your point of view too. But honestly I really don't think you can afford it UNLESS you stop your overpayments to the mortgage......and you have already said you don't want to do it.

Course he could always to hours at your unit, to help pay for the course...

chev

Thistlewhistle

H el,

Just been catching up on your diary. It's all going on isn't it! Hope you get it sorted.

Tx

boredofbeingathome

Good luck with all of the issues re son, I am sure the routes suggested by others will be the best option El.
Regarding work- I would certainly turn them down. Is there any chance of working for a different agency? Perhaps they would treat you slightly better. I know Ranstad are country wide and do allsorts of care work etc. Might be worth a punt. x