Money/relationship problem

Errata

The family committment would look very one sided. So far the partner paid the deposit on the property, say c£10k; the partner pays £5k towards the wedding; the partner takes on half the debt, another £6k. Total £21k.
The OP takes responsibility for a total of £6k, the debt. Bargain.

Mojisola

Errata wrote: »

The family committment would look very one sided. So far the partner paid the deposit on the property, say c£10k; the partner pays £5k towards the wedding; the partner takes on half the debt, another £6k. Total £21k.

The OP takes responsibility for a total of £6k, the debt. Bargain.

But if they're going to spend the rest of their lives together, what does that matter?

familygirl82

its a common issue within reationships, MONEY....i personally think money within a relationship should be equal and 50/50 at all times. it shouldnt be a case of thats mine thats yours you paid this i paid that. it creates a feeling of dis trust and eventually resentment. its a personal preference and opinion and everyone has their own views i guess and there are no set rules i think its if it works for you and your partner and your both happy with the set up. obviously your not completly and maybe it would benefit you to figure out exactly whats bothering you, and discuss it with your partner?? i dont think there is anything wrong with seperate finances and earning your own money individually but i do think that when it comes to building on full term commitments it should not be a case of this is what i put in this is what you have and signing paperwork etc. your are making lifetime commitments so it needs to be based on 100 percent trust and that would make me feel untrusted if it were me. dont act if its something you can live with but do if its something thats gonna continue to bother you, communication is the solution to all problems and no harm should be done by expressing how you feel.
good luck x

Errata

Mojisola wrote: »

But if they're going to spend the rest of their lives together, what does that matter?

In my view it matters because neither live-in arrangements, civil partnerships or marriages come with a lifetime guarantee.

ValHaller

legogingerninja wrote: »

Personally, I do agree with michelle2008 - a partnership for life should be about helping each other through the lean times and sharing in the good times. We have had a number of honest discussions about this but we just seem to disagree fundamentally. However, I am madly in love and can't imagine my life without her.

Strikes me it is all a tad unequal.

floss2

legogingerninja wrote: »

.......Now I recently proposed, she said yes, and we've set a date for next summer......

.....Now, my parents have said they will put £5k towards the wedding, and hers are not contributing anything. They are aware of how much my parents are putting forward, but what can you do? I certainly wouldn't expect money from them.

Our wedding is likely to cost around £10k. Would it be reasonable or unreasonable to ask my partner to pay the remaining £5k on her own?

Yes

Can anyone offer me any advice? My thinking is, her family's inheritance was all hers when it came along, not ours, so why should my parents' gift be any different?

Your partners inheritance came to her because someone she loved died.

Your parents have given you a gift of £5,000 towards the cost of your civil partnership to your partner.

How were you planning to pay for this £10k extravanganza before your parents told you about the £5k? Were you expecting your partner to pay for all of it, or were you going to chip in a few quid?

JustinCredibleGillespie

Very true Errata. I think if the OP's partner wrote a clause within the mortgage in the event that they split up, there was a slight bit of doubt there to start with.

OP what do you think?

JCG

xx

floss2

bagpussbear wrote: »

....But there is a bigger issue here with money equality in this relationship. If she is earning a bit more than you, why are you contributing 50% of the bills? I earn more than my husband, so what we put into bills is done on a proportional basis so its fairer. Sounds like you both need to have a sit down conversation about money to be honest, good luck.

TBH, every couple will have their own persepctive on what's "fair" - I know people who do 50/50, and people like us who do '% of total take-home=% of total bills'.

They may be happy with 50/50, that isn't the question / issue here.

floss2

JustinCredibleGillespie wrote: »

Very true Errata. I think if the OP's partner wrote a clause within the mortgage in the event that they split up, there was a slight bit of doubt there to start with.

Perhaps that is what they were advised, or indeed thought they should do with their inheritance? There may have been some condition applied, we don't know.

Errata

JustinCredibleGillespie wrote: »

Very true Errata. I think if the OP's partner wrote a clause within the mortgage in the event that they split up, there was a slight bit of doubt there to start with.

OP what do you think?

JCG

xx

God forbid a woman should exercise a bit of financial sense! Which the OP was perfectly happy to accept..