Buffy takes babysteps.

Snagggles

That's lovely, Northern Lassy.

I resisted medication for years but eventually broke down completely. There were many days I couldn't even leave my bedroom to go to the loo without a panic attack.

The way my doctor described it was to think of recovering as climbing a ladder, but at first the ladder is hanging above your head, just out of reach. You can flail and struggle all you like, but if you can't get a hand on the first rung, you'll never pull yourself up. Medication isn't a magic cure, but it can be one way of getting a leg up so you can at least grab the ladder.

Northern_Lassy

Snagggles wrote: »

That's lovely, Northern Lassy.

I resisted medication for years but eventually broke down completely. There were many days I couldn't even leave my bedroom to go to the loo without a panic attack.

The way my doctor described it was to think of recovering as climbing a ladder, but at first the ladder is hanging above your head, just out of reach. You can flail and struggle all you like, but if you can't get a hand on the first rung, you'll never pull yourself up. Medication isn't a magic cure, but it can be one way of getting a leg up so you can at least grab the ladder.

Wise words x It's a horrible way to feel but it's amazing when you start to recover.

Buffythedebtslayer

Ah she is back.

It's ok. Well it is and it isn't.

The depression is definitely is real and Mum really doesn't get it at all.

I think also from the little she has said my sister is very unhappy. Her son is a bit of a !!!! up to be frank and there are other things going on.

anyhow I took a break and spent 40 quid in M and S.......

so the spending to feel better is still alive and well. however I do have Mother's day sorted and new knickers amongst other things.

pondering catalysts for change.

Snagggles

You do seem depressed, lovely.

Your life is very stressful, and being stressed about it is a natural reaction, but it seems to drain you so much that you struggle to be happy in other areas.

Do think about seeing your GP about it, because it really doesn't have to be like that.

So many people find depression hard to understand, even those who have experienced it themselves. I have a theory about this actually.

When you are in the absolute depths of depression, and it really has a hold on you, you feel completely powerless to drag yourself out of it. As you start to recover a little, you begin to feel in control of your own recovery, and find you can 'choose' to get better.

I find that a lot of people remember that period where they made that choice and had an element of control over their own recovery quite clearly, but their memory of the time that they felt powerless and hopeless is rather foggy, hence the sometimes-puzzling 'You have to want to get better' advice that people give (which is true, but what if you are so ill that you don't even have the mental capacity to decide you want to?).

It's true to an extent that you have control over getting over depression, but I think getting to the point where you can exercise that control is difficult, with or without medication, and there's no shame in needing help of some kind to get there.

It's only a theory based on my own experiences mind you...and one thing I definitely DO have difficulty with, thanks to my vantage point on life's autism spectrum, is remembering that other people don't necessarily think/feel the same things as I do, or experience life in the same way.

Buffythedebtslayer

Snags, I love you.

am too tired to think right now.

Bed time!

Thank you xxx

Alchemilla

Thinking of you.
I would recommend seeing your GP before you feel worse. Xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Woke up with out a headache. That is GOOD.

Had a nice morning so far, dogs, brushed and fussed and they had breakfast. Watched Ghost Whisperer with a cup of tea.

I admitted to my three best friends a few weeks ago about the depression. . They were brilliant - much as you lot have been. (I still can't believe how much this site has changed my life! I would be in huge debt still if it wasn't for here.) I think one of them may also be depressed. It is weird how I have been "seeing " it in others. She then said as much when I was talking about the sitting on the bed all the time.

I wrote something about a game on fb last night, " I am way behind everyone else but I shall keep plodding"

That is how I feel but that is ok. I did decide not to make any big decisions about life. I feel that if I just leave myself alone (if that makes sense) the answers will surface. Untill then I shall make small decisions! what to wear:) eat etc.


Any how in terms of big things taking the pressure off re decisions has helped. The 3 things helps also.

And I shall go to the doctors.

back later, got to eat chocolate spread on toast.

xxx

beanielou

chocolate spread :drool:

Buffythedebtslayer

Ah Beanie you always notice the important stuff!

xx

WantToBeSE

Hi Buffy.
I read your opening post, and skipped to the end as i just wanted to say hi
I have had depression on and off since my teens (i am now 33), and i know how demoralizing and exhausting it can be.
Make sure you are kind to yourself.

Do you have psychotherapy (counselling)? What did you decide about the ADs?