The Giving Up Smoking Thread!!

BrickingIt

JoeHel wrote: »

My OH still smokes and if we have an argument he tries to get me to start smoking again.

He may be a tad ipssed that you quit smoking and started raging arguments based on him not finishing his tea/coming home from work 10 second late/failing to bleach the sink. Just a thought:think: .

JoeHel

BrickingIt wrote: »

He may be a tad ipssed that you quit smoking and started raging arguments based on him not finishing his tea/coming home from work 10 second late/failing to bleach the sink. Just a thought:think: .

heh heh ... nah I'm out of that phase now... :rotfl:

Diamond78

Thanks JoeHel,yes my ex is a control freak and cant stand the fact that I am doing this.I dont think I will be seing him for a while as he told me not to contact him again,well its him who rings to speak to my son and its my son who doesnt want to speak to him(his nearly 6).My ex knows i suffer with depression and eating disorder and before when I was very weak he was very abusive towards me.Now years have passed I have got stronger and realised he cannot control me like he use to.The thing is,I have had to bring up my son on my own without the help of any family members apart from my brother who isnt the greatist support but is there for me if i need him.My brother is moving to Cyprus is april for 8-9 months to look after my mum so I know Im going to be upset when he goes as I will have no one left to be there for me.

My ex is a rotten pig,he tries to make me feel bad and guilty but the truth is, his never been a proper dad to my son and although my son is young 5 going on 15, he takes a lot in.With all the abuse and violence he has put me through my son has witnesed it all and remembers things but with all the injunctions he has had out on him,I give him the chance to be a dad to my son.He always accuses me and blames me for not allowing him to see my son and he manages to make me feel guilty but it is not my fault that the law stopped contact as he was a risk to my son.Without going into to much detail,the only time he has had to stop having contact with me and my son is due to the nature of abuse,threats and violence. I will not and have not put up with his little mind games anymore and he knows if he makes any kind of threat again, he risks loosing his well paid job.When he comes to see my son all he does is play fight with him.While this may be normal, he is heavy handed and I dont like it.For nearly 6 years I have been telling him he needs to sit and play with him, read to him, take him park and kick a ball with him. But he doesnt and my ex is one of the biggest stresses and problems in my life. I feel so sad for my son as when my mum and dad split up when I was 7 I lost all contact with him, then 15 years after found him married and settled.Unfortunatly we didnt get along as I was angry with him for not looking for me or keeping contact, then 2 years ago just before xmas I found out from a complete stranger my dad had died from lung cancer.I knew my uncle had lung cancer as I had seen him once when I looked for my dad and he had some kind of tube attached to his throat as that was due to the lung cancer.But he has died.My dad didnt want me to know he was dying as he wanted nothing to do with me.Even though we never had a father daughter relathionship it broke my heart that he never wanted me and my ex is doing the same to my son by treating him like s@@@. I dont want my son to grow up and hate me as it is not me stopping him seing him.After everything the spermdonor has put me through when my son asked for him I have contacted him and allowed him to have contact.I get no money or help from him.This xmas was the 1st time he bought him some presents and I asked if he would go halves on buying a bed for my son and its when I ask for something he switches on me or just b4 birthday or xmas.When i told him this he said well thats coz this is the 1st xmas I have allowed him to see him.He puts the whole blame on me.Sorry I know this has nothing to do with this thread but basically to cut the story short my ex was said Im a bad mum coz I told my son not to stress me as I didnt want to smoke noomore.Im not perfect but that doesnt make me a bad mum.I dont hit my son,he gets unconditional love from me.My son knows the dangers of smoking as he knows my dad had cancer and he may be young but he sees in the news, sees the adverts and is not stupid.he is at the age where he is taking in so much its my son who tells me not to smoke as it will kill me and maybe I am wrong in telling my son not to stres me but the only time i get stressed with my son is when my ex is here and they both play fight as its not normal play fighting.I told my ex to shut his mouth and that i was not the bad parent and I was proud of myself for not smoking and giving up.In my little world Im doing everything I can to get healthy for my son as if i carry on smoking and get ill what will happen to my son????Apart from my brother we have no one and my son needs me therefor Im getting healthy even if its taken me nearly 6 years.Im getting help for my depression and the smoking,Im trying so hard and feel its not good enough.

JoeHel

OMG Diamond78 how on earth do you do it??!! IYou MUST know that your ex is just trying to cause you grief and anyone who could call you a bad mum is completely off their rocker!!!!

I have been in a relationship with someone who was very controlling and verbally abusive and I know how it can wear your confidence down. You are obviously holding things together incredibly well despite his best efforts and your son will be seeing that too and will love you all the more for it.

The only thing I can say is that if your total stress in life is valued at 100, then smoking is responsible for at least 40 of that, without including all the guilt and "what ifs" you are worrying yourself with every day!! Life without ciggies is so much calmer!

Have you talked to anyone about the depression, eg your GP?

oops_a_daisy

((((HUGS)))) Diamond you are doing so well and that is probably making your ex jealous and the only way he can get back at you is to bring you down to his level. You are better than that and are doing an amazing job brining up a child on your own. Dont worry about coming on here and letting off steam - if it helps then it is worth it. I am just so glad that he is your ex be strong and you know where we all are. xoopsx

oops_a_daisy

nykmedia wrote: »

Once again, I reiterate that absolutely no offence was meant by anything I have stated. It certainly was not meant to be patronizing and I can only apologise for stating my personal point of view. HOWEVER, I can't believe that I am the only person on this thread who smoked because I wanted to smoke and stop when I don't want to smoke and that it was like a hobby. Some people can sit and knit, sew, paint, draw, build things, I actually enjoyed sitting chatting on the phone and smoking a cigarette. I probably still would, but have decided not to as I'd rather take up a new hobby.

In conclusion, I shall wish everyone the very best of luck, I admire your decision to make a major change in your lifestyles and wish you all every success. I shall refrain from posting here for fear of offending anyone else, however, it isn't my fault that I'm not finding it any sort of challenge to quit smoking.

is this directed at me because I didnt take any offence and I didnt mean any offence by my post. Please dont go. xoopsx

Diamond78

Thank you for your kind words JoeHel, I have not long moved to a new flat in a new area and not long registered with the gp in the area.I have mentioned to the doctor that I was due to start councelling as I use to have one before but was then refered to a more specialist as I have so many issues and was due to start mid jan.The new gp has cut down my dose of antidepressants I was on as it was not helping and not good and put me on new antiD.He said he would get my files sent over and then would asses my situation so I can be refered to the righ ppl. Im seing the gp again next week aswell as the nurse for the smoking so fingers crossed things are looking and feeling better.Depression is a nasty illness and I have suffered with it since I was a tenager but Im much stronger now thankfully and although I know I will never fully recover from my depression due to things that have happened in my life I see a way forward and try my hardest to look at life in a more positive way.

I have started reading books to help me and Im hoping to start a course on teaching.I know I need to get myself out more.But Im happy on my own if im honest.My son is a very happy and confident little boy and although some of the things have affected him I have made sure my depression hasnt got int the way or affected him.He is doing well at school and I get him involved in activities outseide of school athough I find it hard but I know Im doing the right thing.

I knwo I worry myself to much and it doesnt help my mental state, fags was my only comfort although when i think of it now was it and is it just the mind that tricks you.Yes nicotene is an addiction but why am I finding it so hard.I know it will get easier and slowly but surely Im getting my sense of smell and taste back.Before I could not smell the smoke, now when someone has a fag outside in the street I can smell it, it does smell nice but I remember from when I last stopped how awful it smelt and how ppl smelt of it.God knows what the parents thought of me when I waited at the school for him to come out.Atleast i know I now smell smoke free, can smell better and eventually will taste food how it should taste.

Hopefully my son will grow up to realise that smoking is a deadly habit as he aldready knows from my dad and never smoke.My son is very healthy and loves his fruit and veg(he thinks im allergic to it as i cant stand it) but i have even started eating fruit when i feel like a fag and am eating a bit of veg with dinner.Before I would never eat breakfast and now we sit together most mornings and even if its a bit I eat with him.

Diamond78

awww thanks oops a daisey, it means a lot to me when nice ppl from here say nice things as I never get to hear nice things apart from my lovely little boy who makes life so much better for me and a reason to stay off the fags.Well done to you all aswell for not smoking,trying not to smoke and most importantly for being nice ppl.hugs to u all x

JoeHel

oops_a_daisy wrote: »

is this directed at me because I didnt take any offence and I didnt mean any offence by my post. Please dont go. xoopsx

no oops, I'm afraid it was me. :rolleyes:

oops_a_daisy

Diamond you sound like a wonderful mother to me - well done :T

ps - just to add that I am a single Mum too ( DD has never seen her father ) I brought my DD up on my own but have had some help from my family - have also suffered on and off from depression over the years. Im not saying that I have ever been through everything that you have been through but can empathise a bit.