advice please

julie2710

Have just read through your thread and firstly wanted to say I'm so sorry your relationship has broken down. Much as it doesn't feel like it now you will be able to cope on your own with your DD and things will be fine. There will be tough days when you wonder what the hell you have done but cling onto all the great times.

I threw my ex out 3 weeks before by DS2 was born, DS1 was just coming up to 3. I returned to full time work 18 weeks after he was born. It has been tough but my sons and I have the most amazing relationship and I look at them and am so proud of them everyday. They are growing into the people they are because of what I do for them.

Unfortunately your DDs dad doesn't sound that interested in her which is awful, my sons dad is similar. You may find that you are trying to force him to spend time with her as I do. Just bear with it until she is old enough to make her own decisions if you can. Never make excuses for him though. One thing to be thankful for is that she won't grow up thinking that men are there to be waited on! Not a great male role model for her in the bold light of day.

Finally, I know you said you can't be bothered with the stress of fighting for what is your entitlement right now but please, please do. I didn't as I just wanted the easy option of less resistance. Four and a half years on and I am still paying the price financially of not fighting for what I was entitled to. You are doing it for your daughter and to protect her future and in the long run it will prove to be worth it.

Good luck

masonsmum

Hi Pinkphoenix, have just read through your thread and it reminds a bit of my simiar situation.

I was with my now ex-husband for 9 years, married for 4 when we had our son (he also had a daughter from a previous relationship) I felt I was bringing up our son alone he as he was always "busy doing his stuff" his work, garden, daughter all came before anything else and he was lazy and selfish, I had very little help from his family too so therefore had to work only part time hours, he made almost 4 times my annual salary but I was still expected to contribute half of everything, household bills, repairs, food etc!

I finally made the decision to end the relationship after losing a close family friend to cancer, I just seemed to realise one day I was unhappy, didnt love him and thought there must be more to life!

I know you dont want to fight with him at the moment over your rights but get a good solicitor and get some advice, you cant just walk away with nothing and need to give your daughter the best chance in life.

I now have a new partner and another baby, my eldest son now calls my new partner dad and we are such a happy family unit, so there is hope, it might not seem like it at the moment but please keep your chin up - if you want any more advice please feel free to PM xx

FBaby

I've just read your thread, and even though I totally sympathise with how you feel, I can't help wonder whether you are both just going through a difficult time, when you struggle to understand each other, leading to terrible conflict, but that ultimately, it is something to go through together rather than throwing it all in the bin.

I say that even though I left the father of my kids when they were 3 and 18, but they had always been some issues and trust had become inexistent. I had already fought hard to save the relationship but reached the end.

What you are going through seems the typical outcome of two very tired people, who were used to a life that has now been thrown in the air. You've adjusted quickly because you had to, your partner hasn't. You are at different crossroads. You are in control, so tend to overwhelm him, he is left behind and feels lost.

It might be too late, but if not, do please try to see how this can be resolved. Not by just one conversation and expectation that all will be well in just a few days, but by agreeing that you do want to make it work and going to counselling. Whatever happens, good luck, being a single parent is tough but not impossible.