advice please

sooty&sweep

Hi
Has your husband looked after your baby without you being around ?

When my two were little I found it good to leave my husband alone to look after them for an afternoon. I got some time off but it also allowed my husband to realise how time consuming & exhausting looking after a little one is and to appreciate what I did.

It is so easy for the husband to think you're at home all day, you can do the housework whilst the baby is asleep.

It also gave my husband some confidence that he could cope with the baby without me.

Jen

Pinkphoenix

sooty&sweep wrote: »

Hi
Has your husband looked after your baby without you being around ?

When my two were little I found it good to leave my husband alone to look after them for an afternoon. I got some time off but it also allowed my husband to realise how time consuming & exhausting looking after a little one is and to appreciate what I did.

It is so easy for the husband to think you're at home all day, you can do the housework whilst the baby is asleep.

It also gave my husband some confidence that he could cope with the baby without me.

Jen

No he never has looked after her by himself. Maybe that would show him how hard it can be. Especially now that she's crawling!

balletshoes

sooty&sweep wrote: »

Hi
Has your husband looked after your baby without you being around ?

When my two were little I found it good to leave my husband alone to look after them for an afternoon. I got some time off but it also allowed my husband to realise how time consuming & exhausting looking after a little one is and to appreciate what I did.

It is so easy for the husband to think you're at home all day, you can do the housework whilst the baby is asleep.

It also gave my husband some confidence that he could cope with the baby without me.

Jen

As part of the problems you're having OP is your tendency to micromanage and your OH not wanting to do anything because it will be the wrong way anyway - I'd agree with Jen, let your OH look after the little one for an afternoon. Take yourself out, get some fresh air, bit of window shopping, a trip to the coffee shop with a friend. Let your OH spend time with his daughter on his own, without you overseeing things. When you come back, ask him how it went, and don't criticise the state of the house/your DD while you've been away.

Alchemilla

I am sad and sorry to hear of these difficult times.
My ex became almost immediately useles and didnt get any better and so i became a single parent with a tiny baby.
I went back to work ft when baby was 8 months and i coped fine although it is hard work and i am not one of life's toughies!
Glad to hear you are communicating a bit now.

Pinkphoenix

Well... Just an update.
I tried and tried to communicate with DH and he altered his behaviour for the a week or so but unsurprisingly has now reverted to type.

I returned to work yesterday and unfortunately an existing medical condition has flared up leaving me in need of a minor operation on Friday. (And making walking difficult for a few days)

Rang DH to let him know. And his response...
"Well who will help you Sat as I've already booked the ticket for the away match."

Hmmmmm. I think I've pretty much decided that I deserve more than this. (He shouted and called me names when I broached his insensitivity)

and need practical advice now.
My FT salary is £1500 (after student loan, pension etc...) i have no savings, Just finished paying debt. (DH does and he owns the house)
He has figured out how I'm feeling and said that under no circumstances would he leave the house and I will not leave DD.

I have never rented before.
What can I do?

Gillyx

You will be entitled to maintenance for your daughter, you may also be entitled to other benefits including help with child care. Entitledto is a website it you input all your figures itl tell you what you're entitled to.

Renting shouldn't be too difficult but you would probably need a deposit but I know some councils have partnerships with landlords where they will pay your deposit for you. I'm not sure how long you've been together and if you've been contributing to the running costs of the house/mortgage but you may be entitled to something or be allowed to remain in your family home xx

CH27

I'd go & see a solicitor & check what you will be entitled to from the house.

Can you move in with your Mum while you find a suitable rental property?

Get all your important documents together.

Make-it-3

Can't help with benefits question, but just wanted to say how sad that he is prepared to let you both go. Perhaps this just confirms your gut instinct OP that he was never a team player.

I wish you the best of luck getting sorted and hope you have someone else around who is able to help you after your op.

Pinkphoenix

Can't really move in with my mum. Our relationship is not the best either.:-(
I'm contemplating saving up whilst working FT for a few months to fund a flat.
Letting agent I just spoke to said with my salary I should be ok to find something suitable.
I've been with DH for 10 years, married 6. I have contributed to mortgage and household but to be honest I don't know if I can be bothered to fight for it. Not at this stressful time.

Main thing that is concerning me now is affording childcare by myself for full time work and having to buy all next cot etc... for DD as I'm guessing DH will want me to leave her stuff here incase she stays over.

This is really tough

balletshoes

yes, its always tough when relationships break down and there are young children involved.

Try not to worry too much about buying stuff for you next home, you don't need a lot to start off with, and most of it can be bought second hand. Let your friends and family know when you're ready to move out, they may have bits and pieces they could lend/give you for your new place.

You have the beginnings of a plan in place, so now go and check your benefit/maintenance entitlements and see how the figures tally up.

All the very best to you, you are right, you deserve better.