oh my life...... Light Bulb moment.

MiMi66

And now it's raining.

Magpie100

Hi MiMi,

So sorry to see you posting at that hour of the morning. I hope you’re ok, I really do. First thing first: you’re not stupid. We’ve all made mistakes. I am sure it seems overwhelming, but your post actually outlined a way forward for yourself. It may not be what you want, and you may feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is very far away, but your post showed that it is there.

So, in looks to me as if you need to do the following:

First and most important: concentrate on convalescing and getting well again. Very pleased to hear the trip to London went well from that point of view. Well done on booking the bus tickets for the next trip – brilliant. In the nicest way possible I am less happy at you treating your daughter and boyfriend to meals out, but I suspect that’s not an argument I would win with you and I am sure you have your reasons. All I will say is now you know when your next trip will be perhaps you could start looking for vouchers and deals for the next time round.

Second: research, research, research. There is an IVA/DRO board here – go and explore it. I am not sure why DMPs are not specifically mentioned but I am completely sure the good people there will be able to help, advise and point you in the right direction. I am not an expert in them so do please talk to other people first. What I do know is that you should never pay for someone to administer one for you. As you point out, you have some options, and you have some equity, but you need to get this right. A DMP will mean you cannot take out any more credit, and you will need someone to confirm that includes mortgages, but I imagine it does.

Third: Stabilise your money situation. You are already doing that by cancelling DDs and speaking to your mortgage provider etc. Do one or two things a day while you have the time so you have as much info and are in as strong a position as you can be. Be ruthless with subscriptions etc. If you want to list them all out do so, and people here will explain why you should ditch them, or find you cheaper alternatives. You are recovering from illness, so you need to go steady, but you can also use this time to stabilise the ship. Good work on paying so much off your CC AND having a plan for the rest of it.

Fourth: as time goes on, concentrate on the return to work and the interview for the permanent position. Whatever happens, at least if you have done your research on DMPs and other solutions you will be in a better position to deal with the consequences and make decisions. Selling the house is a massive decision and you need to know for sure your job situation and location before you make any changes.

We’ve all been deluded about money – that’s why we’re here. Don’t feel ashamed. You are dealing with it, and you will find a way forward. You do need to make changes, and some of them will be big. But you cannot carry on as you are.

Finally, keep posting. You actually had the plan in your head all along, but you needed to get it down in writing. It does help.

I’m afraid I can’t help with the rain – but I’ll tell you I went to an outdoor boot camp yesterday evening and had horizontal rain and thunder and lightning for the whole hour of it. My Magpie feathers were soaked through and NOT happy.

Good luck, and let us know how you get on over the next few days and weeks.

Magpie100

MiMi66

Magpie100 wrote: »

Hi MiMi,

So sorry to see you posting at that hour of the morning. I hope you’re ok, I really do. First thing first: you’re not stupid. We’ve all made mistakes. I am sure it seems overwhelming, but your post actually outlined a way forward for yourself. It may not be what you want, and you may feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is very far away, but your post showed that it is there.

So, in looks to me as if you need to do the following:

First and most important: concentrate on convalescing and getting well again. Very pleased to hear the trip to London went well from that point of view. Well done on booking the bus tickets for the next trip – brilliant. In the nicest way possible I am less happy at you treating your daughter and boyfriend to meals out, but I suspect that’s not an argument I would win with you and I am sure you have your reasons. All I will say is now you know when your next trip will be perhaps you could start looking for vouchers and deals for the next time round.

Second: research, research, research. There is an IVA/DRO board here – go and explore it. I am not sure why DMPs are not specifically mentioned but I am completely sure the good people there will be able to help, advise and point you in the right direction. I am not an expert in them so do please talk to other people first. What I do know is that you should never pay for someone to administer one for you. As you point out, you have some options, and you have some equity, but you need to get this right. A DMP will mean you cannot take out any more credit, and you will need someone to confirm that includes mortgages, but I imagine it does.

Third: Stabilise your money situation. You are already doing that by cancelling DDs and speaking to your mortgage provider etc. Do one or two things a day while you have the time so you have as much info and are in as strong a position as you can be. Be ruthless with subscriptions etc. If you want to list them all out do so, and people here will explain why you should ditch them, or find you cheaper alternatives. You are recovering from illness, so you need to go steady, but you can also use this time to stabilise the ship. Good work on paying so much off your CC AND having a plan for the rest of it.

Fourth: as time goes on, concentrate on the return to work and the interview for the permanent position. Whatever happens, at least if you have done your research on DMPs and other solutions you will be in a better position to deal with the consequences and make decisions. Selling the house is a massive decision and you need to know for sure your job situation and location before you make any changes.

We’ve all been deluded about money – that’s why we’re here. Don’t feel ashamed. You are dealing with it, and you will find a way forward. You do need to make changes, and some of them will be big. But you cannot carry on as you are.

Finally, keep posting. You actually had the plan in your head all along, but you needed to get it down in writing. It does help.

I’m afraid I can’t help with the rain – but I’ll tell you I went to an outdoor boot camp yesterday evening and had horizontal rain and thunder and lightning for the whole hour of it. My Magpie feathers were soaked through and NOT happy.

Good luck, and let us know how you get on over the next few days and weeks.

Magpie100

Oh magpie - I hope my thanks to you isn't dissipated by the fact that this is take two of my message - I typed it our and towards the end I had a phone call and by the time I got off the phone my son had unwittingly closed down the computer - message unsaved.... I wanted to just say how grateful I am for your non judgmental support with good advice....just the right blend for me. I was in tears reading your message, a mixture of acute sadness and a sense of being recognized if that doesn't sound to sappy.

SO today - I have probably done too much and my head is definitely fatigued by thinking it all.

Positives and negatives. My check list written in the night (yes those early hour awakenings are back...)

Call mortgage provider to find out about porting mortgage (I have about £125 000 in equity I believe). I rang and found out grim news that while I can port the mortgage and the interest rate of 2.14% tracker for life of the mortgage - I would be reassessed for a mortgage as if it were a new mortgage on a new property - which I almost certainly would be declined for as I have too much debt. so my option for selling and buying again is drastically affected - I could sell and leave it six months and buy in that time, after all my old mortgage and debt is paid off but I would have to rent in the gap. Or I could sell and rent fullstop.

Cancel subscriptions so not to add to debt.
I have £130 for food and travel for the rest of the month. Review cupboards and plan meals. Both kids are home now.
And look at getting the house valued so I have an accurate idea of what I can do.
Look on line at houses to buy or rent.

Read up about DMP / IVA and see what is best. Well this is a tricky area - some real negatives to all of those options. Bankruptcy = house sale and loss of home, and credit rating, no mortgage etc.
IVA = reduced payments if accepted, and a request to remortgage to release equity to pay in full in at the beginning of the fifth year but apparently most people are turned down for a mortgage due to debt history. If no release of equity to pay more the fifth year, people are required to make a sixth year of payments and then anything left is wiped, credit score made poorly for 6-7 years. The real negative to this one is that people ar required to stop paying into their pension and for those payments to go into the debt repayments - sounds reasonable but I am in a small group of workers who have their employers paying a double contribution from age 50, so I get two years for every year going in - and I can take my pension if I wish at 55, with lump sum which for me will be about 45 - 49K - which is either going to be good for paying off a big chunk of mortgage (most likely) or outstanding debt or even better still having some fun in retirement.

A DMP - reduced payments on frozen interest sound the best option, you pay the lot back but at a much slower pace - reduced agreed payments which appeal to me, but I am fearful of the length of time. I need to read more about this. but it is possible that once I know what I am doing - job, house move, this may well be the path I go down but with the plan to make extra payments to shorten the length of time. If I take one of these out it may well suit my circumstances? I read about one person's journey over 11 years or so of repayments to get down his high £40K. He posted on the evening he made his last payment - I want to do that one day - very much. And cut up those cards as I do so.

Consider house sale and renting instead? Hmmm yes - one for thinking about after the job interview.

I have stared at figures so much today and spoken to HSBC re my mortgage and whether i can have a lodger under the terms of my mortgage - they are going to look into that and let me know. I saw a local college student on a sharing rooms web site and have emailed her - £90 per week for a room and it might just fit as my son goes to the same college and they might get on. which would be ideal - we are a small and quiet family, that usually laughs a lot and is very supportive of one another - I wouldn't want a lodger who wasn't a good fit for us.

This money if sorted would go to debt and building an emergency fund.

A smaller scale positive - I cancelled all my subscriptions - £84 per month! I had no idea having never added them up before. and it is not like it is real savings other than £19 as I usually put my CC details in for those sorts of purchases which means that the bill is always picked up on my credit card and stands a high chance of heading towards my bloody 0% pile of cards....

I also logged into join MSE Credit Check Club - very easy and easier than the main Experien site who could not find me. (Why I wonder - am I so bad that I broke the credit rating algorithm?)

My credit check is still green 893 which is utterly ridiculous! Amber weak for Debt ratio, green for Credit utilization (of course) and red very weak for Disposable income. My affordability scores for CC and loans is both red weak. Hello brick wall.

I have worked out that I can pay about £695 off the debt each month is I am very tight. My fear is that this level of budgeting is not sustainable and that I will crack - new SOA to come.

I have been very low all day today and been at points just feeling waves of anger and shame, sadness, anxiety and panic which I find the worst feeling to have. I knew my options were reduced but it is very humbling to see it in action. I will view each payday as a milestone and a day to celebrate another chunk of the debt being paid off - and go and find something in my home that I can look at and say - 'you are now paid for!'

Sleep now though - more to do tomorrow - starting to declutter the garage and at the same time look for things to sell. Thanks you again Magpie - so valued. I thank you to the tips of your magpie feathers! Which I sense may be blown about dreadfully by these gale force winds tonight - what a racket out there - tile checking in the morning....

Oh and you are right about my folly in paying for that meal - but his parents had just paid for my daughter to go overseas on holidays with them - all expenses paid...I felt it the very least I could do, but I am really aware that I can't afford to do this - a difficult situation.

Sleep - heavy eyes which is far better than last night. and yes I will do my best not to risk my recovery - a lot hinges on my being fit and well for work. Thank you again.:)

Narola1976

Hi Mimi, sorry did not get a chance to respond yesterday but I want to echo much of what Magpie said. Most of us are here because we all made massive mistakes with money (see my signature for evidence of my own poor judgement!). Like you I have berated myself for the mess I am in and experienced that same sense of panic and anxiety from time to time.

But the important thing is that you are not letting those feelings immobilize you. You are taking active steps - cancelling those subscriptions is brilliant. My instinct is saying not to make big changes. So I would leave the mortgage / selling/ moving well alone. I also don't know much about DMP's but what I can say from reading people's experiences here is the sheer relief that came from being able to BREATHE and SLEEP EASY after having arranged it. And their home was still safe. Everyone's circumstances are different and therefore there is no one set time for people to complete their DMP. It depends on the amount of money that you can throw at your debt while still LIVING. The DMP as I understand it gives you a fighting chance without horrendous interest rates preventing you from making a dent in your debt. You won't necessarily take 11 years to finish it. Check out the boards and people's diaries. Crazy Cat Lady is a great person to ask about it. Speak to Step Change / CAP

Whatever you decide to do remember you are doing what you can and what you can do is enough. Be gentle with yourself - I find we are often so harsh with ourselves, harsher than we would be if we were advising a friend in the same situation.

Keep posting, we are here for you!

MiMi66

Thank you Narola, I was about to say you have no idea how warming and reassuring it is to get feedback and support here but if you course you do know! You have very similar debt amounts to me, and seem to be managing to not go bonkers with it.

My eyes feel like they are going to fall out of my head today, so tired and feeling very fragile. I need to get more sleep. Bone weary which isn't good for my recovery I know. My surgeon would be very exasperated with me I think.

My plan today is to try and find things to sell to make a bit of cash. Looking ahead I already know that over the next 6 weeks I have more outgoings and costs than I have cash for after the debts and food and fuel is paid for. I really want to not get the cc out to pay for things. It's my son's birthday and also two trips to university open days in Oxford and London. These will be done on a shoestring but the do require overnight stays. London is easier in a way as we can bunk down at my daughter's student flat. Oxford I shall look at air b&b to see if I can find a bargain. The kids know it will be cheap visits and are really supportive of that. Thank god they like noodle bars!! My daughter is very good at selling things in line (as is my brother but he doesn't live in the UK) - so I shall get her to help me do this selling bit.

My children have been great. Sometimes I worry they know too much about it all and that I have burdened them but I don't think I could keep this to myself. They feel I have given them a good childhood and the only critical but true feedback that my son gave was that 'people sometimes bake the wrong choices when it comes to creating the amount of debt you gave ' Yep. Very true and said with care. Hopefully I am now giving my kids a very front toe seat in my awful life lesson and that they take something from that in learning about doing money management better than I have.

My little cat Has come up and is now asleep on my chest while I am typing this on my phone. Either she is comforting me or thinking I am a warm platform for her paws - and thinking she advocating for breakfast. Best move to make something if the day and reassure the cats after the dreadful winds last night. I don't think I unmentioned two if my cats have had feline pancreatitis this summer. Very frightening to see how sick and thin they got. And the vet bills.... excess if nearly £100 on each insurance claim but thank heavens I had the insurance though it is a lot in premiums. My cats certainly seem to either get injured or sick and I have had my fair return on the insurance cover. They are both well and have regained their weight now.

Last thought though. Does anyone think contactless cards are a blasted contributing factor to debt creation. To easy to use and also you get no sense of spending money when using them. I wonder if banks can reissue cards that are not contactless or I wonder if it is best to go cash only. Feel the paper (or plastic) in your hand as you go through the experience of buying items or food. Hmmm.

Thank you again for good wishes. I value it.

foxgloves

Hello Mimi,
I contributed to your thread first time around. I noticed you were back & am sorry to hear how stressed you are. I just wanted to say that I think you may have a point about contactless cards. The sheer speed of that transaction probably wouldn't have helped me back pre-LBM when I was a shocking fritterer. I have been using Contactless much more recently. Not a problem as am sticking to budgets but what I'm noticing is that whereas I always would have been given a receipt, there are now more transactions where the assistant asks 'Would you like a receipt?' I always want one as I use them to reconcile my budget, track my spending & log what money has been spent from which pot. In the last week, in two shops when I've paid contactless, I haven't even been offered a receipt & had to ask....& in the other case, forgot.
I don't want emailed receipts either.....an idea surely borne simply out of the wish to spam our inboxes with offers & stuff we don't need. Maybe lots of customers using contactless just want to be as quick as poss & refuse a receipt, but I definitely want one, particularly because as you say, it's such a lightning-quick procedure, it'd be easy to forget the spend had happened.
Well, I feel better for that little moan. Wishing you all the best with your decisions & debtbusting.
F x

parsniphead

I agree with the contactless card spending being way too easy. I have had one for a few months and have just realised how silly I got with it. I'm trying g to return to cash as much as possible as I'm following D@ve Ramseys babysteps.

Keep going mimi and keep posting. You WILL get there.

Magic_Sister

Hi Mimi, I've read your entire thread today, inbetween wirking, and I just wanted to say how much your situation mirrors mine. As a sole wage earner it feels like a never ending battle doesn't it? And it just takes a bit of ill health to throw it all out. I think you should be so proud of your wonderful, caring, level headed children, who are an absolute credit to you. Everything else will sort out, in time, and I fully believe that once you're ready, that special someone will appear in your life too. Take heart, you're doing amazingly!

MiMi66

Thankyou Foxgloves, Magic Sister and Oarsniphead (I too feel like a parsnip head!)

Yes mortifying to be back and the only thing good to come of that is if the sense of deep shame keeps me on track.

I've been in a tired fog today. Sorted out transport for my son's open days. Will drive to Oxford as that is cheapest and most practical. My lovely son has paid his own train fare (I found a bargain for him though that after student rail card came down to £27. I bought mine - no discount for £38.50 going for cheapest tickets I could find. And a day return for Friday to a nearby city I have to go to for Physio. £10.30. All cash. I have budgeted these costs into next months outgoings but bizarrely my Rrust has decided to pay small amounts of next month's salary in weekly instalments in the previous month. I have always been good at putting that aside until the pay month properly starts ( mind you, using the cc in a fashion of denial) - but this time I have accessed that money. Marked it in my October budget and bought the tickets as they will only get more expensive we if we left it. So that's a bit of money trickery to get the best deal and not use the cc. I have paid in cash a household bill. £34. And the smaller train ticket came out of this months remaining money. It leaves me with £75. Til pay day at the end of September (27th). Sigh.

Magic sister - my heart goes out to you if my journey has been like mine. I suspect there are others too. I'm doing my best to be pragmatic and focused but the wobbles get me. Less tears today but still a bit weepy. I think tiredness has kicked in.

Parsnip head - yep contactless card are my new enemy. I hope I am not deflecting, bit I think I have been weakened by them and it is all too easy. I have drawn out my money in cash and I certainly felt handing over £5.07 for a few groceries today. Much more real. Happily I spotted my co-op points balance is at £25.90. At least we'll have Christmas lunch on the co-op. I like them, seem a kinder supermarket. But I know I am going to have to shift to Lidls a bit. Blasted Sainsbury's and Waitrose keep sending me massive discount vouchers -£12 off a £60 shop, but the temptation is very strong in those hallowed Waitrose halls. �� Pennies do count and add up. Before my big fright this week I gave money to charities outside the supermarket. Can't do that. Must choose more specifically who I will support and only when I can. They may have to wait 6 years....

I am rambling.....

I didn't do the decluttering today but I really would like to do that before the autumn ends. Sell and clear and clear and sell.

My exhusband came by today and we are pretty lucky in that we are open with each to a reasonable extent. He thinks I should get out and rent. But I am going to sit and ponder rather than make a decision about the house too quickly. I wondered today about if I got the cc debt down to under £25000 ( the loan is at £9871 and current Cc debt is around £28000) whether I should see if a loan over 5or 6 years might work? The current loan was originally for £14950, and over 21 months I have that down to £9871) and then cut up the cards. No more 9% BT but they have not been my friend as I was always adding on a bit more each time to gain financial comfort. Look where that got me. I've never been more uncomfortable. Anyway today I am thinking DMP vs Loan (unsecured) and House staying out a renting. Thinking but not deciding. Brain like a mashed parsnip and will only make bad decisions at present.

And you know it never rains but pours in life. I have been asked out on a date.... what is they say - 'be careful what you wish for'. He has offered to take me out to dinner. That's a first in 10 years. My first thoughts (after ah... I have no money) was what do I wear? Still a girl in there after all.

Something else to fret about. �������� but sleepy now so will decide on that tomorrow.

Magpie100

Hi MiMi,

Not sappy at all – I hope you found it useful. It’s easy to dish out advice to other people, of course, but I can see from your latest posts that you are beginning to get your thoughts in order and come up with plans. Sometimes all you need is a helping hand with priorities and to break things down a bit. I know you are tired and upset still, but you sound much more focussed and practical to me – keep going!

So. Let’s look at a few things.

IVA/Bankruptcy. I think you can put these options to one side, for now. You are right about your pension – it is invaluable. If anyone suggests you should stop paying in to it pick up the nearest soft furnishing and throw it at them. Hard. Also, you have a relatively speaking stable job in a stable organisation and a decent income. Bankruptcy is not something to consider unless that changes.

House sale. I am glad you would consider this, because many people won’t. However. IF you are going to sell your house and rent for a bit before buying again you need to be as clear as you can on a couple of things (I know we can’t guarantee anything in life, but you need to be realistic and honest with yourself about what I am about to say). You need to know that if you sell your house and clear your debt with it you will still have enough leftover to buy where you want to buy and with a sensible-sized mortgage. This means you need to be realistic about the housing market in the area you would want to buy – is it going up, will you be priced out if you rent for 6 months, or indeed longer. You also need you be SURE that once you have cleared your debt you can then live on a budget WITHOUT dipping in to the equity. I think this is a danger because for so long now you have felt deprived (and indeed have been depriving yourself of things) and it would be easy to feel ‘rich’ and book six back-to-back Caribbean cruises and start buying groceries in Fortnum and Mason, or whatever. You do not want to sell, clear the debt, move in to rented and then start frittering away the capital. You need to be honest with yourself as to whether you can STICK to a budget while this process happens.

Selling and renting for ever. I try not to fall in to the house-prices-only-ever-go-up-rent-is-dead-money trap so I would have no problem with you considering this. However, you sound like someone who likes their own, cosy home (and what’s wrong with that?). Of course, if you rent you are then at the mercy of the rental market and only you know if you can cope with that. For both selling and renting then buying again and renting for ever you are at a time of life where your children will be spending less and less time at home (I’m sorry! I’m sure they will visit often!) but this means you should consider carefully exactly what space, and what type of space, you need for the future. But this may actually be an exciting project for you for the future.

DMP/loan. I still think a DMP is the way forward for you. A loan is just kicking the can down the road and I am not sure your budgeting is under control enough for one (I realise you’re a way off one anyway because you need to clear CC debt first). It hasn’t worked for you in the past – why will it now? A DMP has the advantage of MAKING you stick to a budget. But of course it is still a big decision and I know you need to get things firmed up with your job situation first.

Lodger. Yes, good, I am glad you have asked the bank about this. Continue to explore. A local lodger who knows your son sounds ideal to me, even in the short term. Christmas is coming. On which note, what is your plan for it? I notice in the past that it tends to derail you, and while you have this time to yourself it would be good to come up with a plan to keep costs and expectations down.

Subscriptions. I am DELIGHTED that you have tackled these. Well done. PLEASE keep on top of them. I know it is easy to fall in to the trap of thinking ‘what does it matter…I’m in so deep’ but that’s how these things build up. I am also pleased you have budgeted and made plans for things happening in October. You should be really pleased with this. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good here – there will be back and forwards and wins and losses – but the more you do this and plan ahead the easier it will be.

Contactless – horses for courses, but I quite like it. But I am impatient and often in a rush. I don’t like receipts because the plastic coating on them means they can’t be recycled, but I know many people rely on them for accurate budgeting. Increasingly I’ve been asked in bigger stores if a receipt can be emailed to me, which I like a lot. But I understand why it isn’t for everyone.

Finally – you might want to consider asking the mods to move this thread to the Debt Free Diaries board. Up to you, of course, but the posters cruising round there are great at advice for long-term debt issues, which yours is. And you may get more traffic and friendly advice there.

The date. For god’s sake, woman. Go for it! He wants to take you for dinner, so let him. Can you go and shop your wardrobe and see what you can find?

I was extremely ruffled by the wind the other night and woke at 3 am and then couldn’t go back to sleep. And also I have had to deal with a mouse incident on behalf of my cat. Let’s just say he seems to draw inspiration from Jack the Ripper.

Anyway. Keep going! You are getting there.

M100