oh my life...... Light Bulb moment.

Narola1976

Welcome back...will subscribe to cheer you on from the sidelines

MiMi66

Hip hop happy. Payments made (or pending Direct Debit to come out of account next week.) so pleased. Was massively tempted to shift current using cc debt to main debt but have decided to use the savings as planned to pay it off. It isn't due til the 18th so I might leave it til the 12th to pay - enjoy having the money there for a week or so longer.
So am down to £37456. Huge figure but better than £38154!

And mortgage paid as well. - approx £480 off that after interest paid.

I have £300 left to cover the month for food, fuel, a lunch out to say thank you to friends for coming to get me from London after my operation and cat food. I think I can make it through on that. I have £412 left in savings and £75 tucked away that was Birthday money.

I'm going to make sure I am fit and well to get back to wotk by the end of September. And am starting some admin and documents I need to complete while I am off. I don't want to be so disconnected going back this time. Also going to declutter and lose a bit more weight. Plotting and planning going on here.

I don't want debt to rule my life or preoccupy my brain too much. Hard at times to strike a balance isn't it?

Skinnylatte

MiMi66 wrote: »

I don't want debt to rule my life or preoccupy my brain too much. Hard at times to strike a balance isn't it?

I think you hit the nail on the head, it is hard to strike a balance, and sometimes we swing one way and then the other. But I think it's important we still 'have a life' and make the most of what we do have.

MiMi66

Ah. Feeling grim about it all tonight.
Dark thoughts.
My health not so good this week and recovery from the operation has been stalled by a complication. I have booked to see my consultant in London Monday but realised I can't afford the transport and hotel. Debt is crucifying me and removing my options.

I wish something could happen to being relief and a long term fix.

MiMi66

chevalier wrote: »

Hi MiMi66 here is the SOA calculator for you. If you want to post it on here then you need to format if for MSE before copying and pasting it. http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php. The reason why I am still thinking it would be worth you doing is that it gives you more categories than you have in the SOA below. However my comments are in blue on this one too.



Good luck
Chev

Just looking back over good advice given to me over the past years, Chev amongst other, Soucrates too, foxgloves and others. I will redo my SOA over the weekend. It has changed from a year ago I feel very low with it all, I so don't want to be scraping by for the next 5-6 years but it seems there is no other way. Or sell the house which seems very scary.

And I have to admit to being romantically lonely which is crazy. I have been single forever - 14 years now, I am used to it, so I am surprised to be feeling a craving for tenderness and closeness. No one in their right mind would take on a NHS worker up to her eyeballs in debt. I wish I'd chosen a better paid careeer than a nurse but it is to late to do anything about that.

Might be nice to meet a lovely broke man who would be happy to sit in my couch and chat and walk and eat together. Free fun.... dating is an expense I can't afford. Anyway I have detailed here. Debt busting to romantic desert busting - if anyone has any ideas how a broke but attractive woman can meet a nice chap who want a simple life let me know!!! Silly aren't I.

Narola1976

You are not silly at all! There is nothing wrong with wanting a bit of companionship - something light hearted that does not tax the purse or heart strings too much. I don't really have any ideas of how to go about finding such a person though and sometimes think these things come when you least expect or look for it.

The debt busting journey is a hard one, and often very lonely. This is why this site is so important as we get understanding and support here. I think for you its all the harder because of your health and that is getting you down too. You are not on top form and that can impact on how you feel generally.

Take one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. And keep coming on here.

MiMi66

Thanks Narola1976, and yes I think my health is just a massive big straw breaking the camels back. I'm just spread too thin. Companionship would just be such a sweet solace right now.

I have had the offer of staying at an empty flat tomorrow night so that helps with costs. Seems ridiculous that I can't afford my own hotel room.

Bus tickets will be £36 which is miles cheaper than the £173 for the train. Haven't booked yet as trying to decide on bus times. Whether to go very early and potter about London and go to free museum or gallery for the afternoon but it is a 5.45 departure!!!! Can I crowbar myself up that early? Hmmm I seem to be finding it hard to make decisions right now.

Blue blue blue. I need something good to happen. Mind you I have been doing that whole awful thing if 'it could be worse, I could be in the Caribbean with Hurricane Irma' which is true but seems a awful way to make myself feel better in comparing myself to other peoples utter tradegy. Shameful really.

Skinnylatte

Be kind to your self, every step in the general direction makes up our big journey, and it can be easy to lose sight of the progress we're making. Keep smiling and keep posting! x

Magpie100

Hi MiMi,

Sorry you are feeling so down - it takes time to recover from surgery and no doubt it makes any other problems seem bigger.

Is there any reason you wouldn't consider a DMP or IVA? It feels like you really do need a formal way to try and manage this debt. I know you don't want to sell your house and I agree with you there - the mortgage is ticking down and it's one area where you seem in financial control. I'm not sure when you would need to remortgage or how much equity you have, but if you decide to stay there for definite then perhaps a DMP or IVA would be the way forward?

I'm sure you'll resist this idea and want to struggle on, but without any significant change in your circumstances on the horizon I can't see how things will improve. As you have said, this debt is now taking away your options in the most uncomfortable way possible, and that won't change unless you change something. It worries me that the CC debt has gone up so much in a year, and suggests you still struggle to control your spending.

I do wish you well whatever you decide. I just want you to have a break, and although I know a DMP/IVA has implications for your credit rating, I think you do need a formal line drawn so that you caan start to see this debt finally go down.

Good luck and I hope things go better for you this week.

MiMi66

Magpie100 wrote: »

Hi MiMi,

Sorry you are feeling so down - it takes time to recover from surgery and no doubt it makes any other problems seem bigger.

Is there any reason you wouldn't consider a DMP or IVA? It feels like you really do need a formal way to try and manage this debt. I know you don't want to sell your house and I agree with you there - the mortgage is ticking down and it's one area where you seem in financial control. I'm not sure when you would need to remortgage or how much equity you have, but if you decide to stay there for definite then perhaps a DMP or IVA would be the way forward?

I'm sure you'll resist this idea and want to struggle on, but without any significant change in your circumstances on the horizon I can't see how things will improve. As you have said, this debt is now taking away your options in the most uncomfortable way possible, and that won't change unless you change something. It worries me that the CC debt has gone up so much in a year, and suggests you still struggle to control your spending.

I do wish you well whatever you decide. I just want you to have a break, and although I know a DMP/IVA has implications for your credit rating, I think you do need a formal line drawn so that you caan start to see this debt finally go down.

Good luck and I hope things go better for you this week.

Thank you Magpie 100. Yes it is utterly grim. I have just been in floods of tears and I think my life is 9/10 absorbed by worry and calculation at present.

And yes it is time to draw a line.
I do want to move house away from where I live at present and sadly where I want to go is a bit more expensive. So much hinges on whether I get the post I am in permanently or not and they are waiting for me to come back to work before they advertise it. I must not screw up the interview. This is the only thing holding me back from a DMP now as I don't want to be tied to the house I am in forcthat length of time... though I need to find out whether I can 'port' my mortgage to a different home. Once there I would then do a DMP - I hope that is all possible.

I gave some massive decisions to make. And some smaller expenditure to cut back which will psychologically help.

I paid off my using cc today. £1690. Took all my savings.
I have £700 on there for next month which I will pay of in 2 and a half weeks time when I get paid some overtime I did before I went for surgery. The card will go out of my wallet in the morning.

I have subscriptions I will cancel tomorrow - I've been deluded. I can't afford things like this.

Utterly stupid I think. And I'm getting anxiety symptoms and waves of panic washing over me. I keep reminding myself it could be worse. I could have no equity. Or I could have been in one of these awful disasters. I still feel sick and ashamed though. And those thoughts of things I can't out into words keep rising up.

So.

Tomorrow.
Call mortgage provider to find out about porting mortgage (I have about £125 000 in equity I believe).
Cancel susbscriptions so not to add to debt.
I have £130 for food and travel for the rest of the month. Review cupboards and plan meals. Both kids are home now.
And look at getting the house valued so I have an accurate idea of what I can do.
Look on line at houses to buy or rent.

Read up about DMP / IVA and see what is best.
Consider house sale and renting instead?

On a slightly brighter note I had the tryo to London yesterday for my appointment today. The complication I have is no where near as bad a what I thought it was. A real relief. I need to go back in 2 months time again so booked the bus tickets tonight coming home. £5.80 for the novenber trio including the booking fee! Thank heavens because everything else about going there costs a bloody fortune. Transport, meals for myself and for daughter and her boyfriend so while the news was better than expected the costs of the overnight really freaked me out.

I have made so many poor choices and you are right to call me out on the evidence of worsening debt.

Does a DMP mean you can't move your mortgage?

God I feel sick.