Trying for a Baby Part 9

Mrs_T_M

Forgot to say, I'm letting the subject drop with DH. If he wants me, he will need to be the one to make a move.

Mrs_T_M

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

Sorry to crash the thread, but Mrs TM, sorry but your husband sounds like a bit of an a.hole.
Is he perfect himself?
Don't let him erode your self confidence hon.
Hope I've not spoken out of turn but that has really made me cross.

He has aspergers and unfortunately has not learned how to handle many situations. The sad bit is that I have it too, I've just been forced to learn how to handle different things than he has. I had parents who were very involved with my life growing up, he didn't, so he still hasn't learned very many social skills. He's very touchy about things and automatically feels like a failure any time I try to teach him anything (especially with washing dishes, so I just do them all the time now). The fact that we both have the condition means that we do not completely understand how to properly communicate with one another. That on top of the fact that I typically keep everything bottled up doesn't help matters.

I really do love him, otherwise I wouldn't have moved 4,000 miles away from my family and everything I knew to be with him. He fought to get the UKBA to let me live in this country. He does take very good care of me to the point that I don't have to work if I don't want to do so. He is very attentive usually and can tell when I'm upset, even if he doesn't know how to handle it.

I think that if I can get my moods straightened out and depression level down we will both be in a better position to work more on our relationship.

Metranil_Vavin

I'm sorry, I didn't know he had aspergers, but even so..it's not nice for him to make you feel worse by being crass and unkind.

Just do what you are doing for yourself xx

codemonkey

That puts a different complexion on things Mrs T_M but you need to tell him that saying that kind of thing to you is hurtful and not acceptable. As for the eyeing up other women, all men do that. My DH watches the Big Bang Theory and phwoars at all the girls in that ( even Amy) and in return I watch the Wrestling and phwoar at the buff men in their tiny wrestling pants.

As for the weight loss, if you keep it slow and steady there won't be as much of the loose skin. You're a big girl, so what? Nobody should ever make you feel bad for being you. Own it. Believe you're beautiful no matter what (and by that, I don't mean squeeze into tiny lycra outfits). Head up. Tummy in, tush out and try to like what you see in the mirror. You need to do this because if you have a daughter, any insecurities you have will be passed on.

superstupid

Just wanted to thank everyone for their support. Pretty sure I posted in the wrong thread but was in a right state so that's my defence!

I talked to my boyfriend. He feels as he always did, he likes kids but doesn't want his own, he now knows that I do want a baby but can't. At least we're honest with each other.

I'll be back to pretending I hate kids and am happy to be child free soon, and hopefully the bf will pity me and buy me a puppy. Win win!

claire16c

Could you buy a swimsuit from primark? They're probably only a couple of pounds in there?

Hopefully the weather will warm up soon please don't go walking in the dark hun.

I don't know anything about the condition but could it be down to that that's why your husband just said comments likd that without thinking? Like I'm sure most men would think another woman was attractive they just perhaps wouldn't say it! Although I'm sure they sometimes do .
That's when I remind DH he's just my first husband before I become Mrs DiCaprio

Please don't ever let a man ruin your confidence, just like the other ladies on here have said.

Do you think it would help if you did get a job to get you out of the house more? Even a part time one? You sound very intelligent I figure you should be in a lab curing cancer or something!

fluffnutter

Mrs_T_M wrote: »

He has aspergers and unfortunately has not learned how to handle many situations. The sad bit is that I have it too, I've just been forced to learn how to handle different things than he has. I had parents who were very involved with my life growing up, he didn't, so he still hasn't learned very many social skills.

It's often like that with men and women, Mrs_T_M. Whilst both genders can be on the autism spectrum (although it's more common for men), women often find it easier to compensate by learning the skills that come more naturally to those without autism/aspergers. For some reason, men aren't so good at this. It helps too that you had parents who encouraged you.

(You probably know all this already!). All that aside, I'm still very sorry to hear how crushing he was with his comments.

Mrs_T_M

Thank you for your support everyone. We ended up sleeping under different blankets last night. Neither of us slept well at all. His horrid mood may also have been because he's extremely worried about my test results that we will be getting back this morning. He just doesn't want to admit it. Right now I feel like I cannot even talk to him because of how, quite frankly, angry I am with him. I need to calm down before I speak to him. Unfortunately, me calming down will either take a few days or I need to exercise until I nearly pass out to get the adrenaline and anger out.

I woke up before the alarm went off this morning, so I figured that I'd go ahead and get dressed so he couldn't see me naked while I feel this vulnerable. I'm also wearing make-up (well, all but eyes, I still need to do those). I can count on one hand how many times I've worn make-up as an adult. He has stated in the past that he prefers me without it, but I honestly wonder about that...

Anyway, I'll give an update on what the tests showed once I get home today. I'm too upset to eat, which I suppose is good in case they need to draw more fasting bloods...

Birdie85

Big hugs Mrs TM, can't imagine how upset you must be about what your DH said to you. I've put on a little weight over the last couple of years and I feel awful if OH innocently points it out and suggests that I might want to eat les/move more! :mad: I've got 'mild' ASD and it's really hard work to act like a 'normal' person all the time but I try my best even though it's exhausting at times!

I know it's hard, and seems pointless since you're at home most days, but every day you should get dressed up and made-up, spend time doing your hair nicely etc. It'll make you feel better and you'll start to carry yourself with more confidence and your OH will pick up on that. If he doesn't...screw him!

Hope you get some good results today.

AFM, spent Saturday feeling really miserable, was on the verge of tears all day and got really snappy with OH because he just didn't get that I wanted to be left alone instead he kept pestering me for 'banter' then getting huffy because I kept telling him to leave me alone! Almost cried in Boots because I couldn't return a lipstick that I'd bought on Friday night in a cloud of misery then realised it would make me look like a naughty clown once I got home! :eek: I then went out with friends and got trashed which made everything seem better!

I hate this time though, waiting for AF to go (and suffering hellish cramps ) then waiting for OV. Yawnsville. Feel like giving up on the whole thing and becoming one of those happy, relaxed, financially secure, child-free-by-choice couples.

claire16c

Thanks to whoever joined up to FF through my user name on there I've got 5 free VIP days now. Although ill be getting AF today or tomorrow but nice to play around with some of the features.