Taking kids on holiday when mother objects

19lottie82

balletshoes wrote: »

forgetting about the legal aspect for a moment - whats going to make the girls more upset, you not going and them going on holiday to Portugal with their Dad (I know you said your OH won't consider this, but hoping he might see it from his daughters' point of view) or you going with them and the girls getting an earful from their mother when she finds out about it?

We sat the kids down and spoke to them about the situation and The girls have said that they don't want to go if I'm not going. I wouldn't have any problem with my OH and them going without me, I don't want to see them denied a holiday but it looks like the general consensus is that's not what they, or my OH wants.

CH27

I'd be spending the holiday money on seeing a solicitor & getting a residency order in place.
If you can afford a holiday, you can afford legal advice.

19lottie82

CH27 wrote: »

If you can afford a holiday, you can afford legal advice.

Lawyers must be a lot cheaper where you live then! My OH discussed the possibility of going down the formal route with his lawyer a year or so ago and he advised him against "rocking the boat" unless it became an absolute nrs secure as it was likely to become very very expensive.

The holiday won't cost a lot. As i have explained The budget flights are pretty cheap, we don't have any accommodation costs, we can self cater and the camp site has a pool and loads of they stuff to keep the kids occupied.

It's not like we are spending 5k + spending money on a two week trip to Florida!

kj*daisy

Legal aid is stopping soon for family cases, unless a victim of violence. I'd hold off legal action till then if possible as she won't get legal aid then. But get some legal advice now about how to go on holiday all together without her derailing things.

FBaby

Something isn't right here. Why does she hate you so much that she would refuse such a trip if YOU are there? Clearly she knows you have a big part in their lives currently and have been for 3 years, so why does she have an issue with you being on that trip with them?

The only thing I can think of is that she is jealous of your relationship with them and see this trip as another chance to play mummy with them. If that is the case, especially if you are planning on moving with them and therefore indeed have even more of a role in their lives, you need to work this through so that she doesn't feel so massively threaten by you, or her jealousy and the actions resulting from it will make all your lives miserable.

She clearly has serious issues, but I assume that doesn't make her love her children any less or not make her want to be the girls official mum. That's understanding and she might be even more holding to this to help her recover.

I would say you need to tread carefully. Not fall for her threads as you are perfectly entitled to go on holiday with your partner and the girls, but maybe make an effort to reassure her that you are not there to replace her, that you respect that whatever happened, she will always remain their mum and that you don't intend on telling the girls any different.

pawsies

19lottie82 wrote: »

Eh? Where did u pick that up from?
as tempting as it sounds, it ain't ever goin to happen!:rotfl:

I thought you said...

also we are planning on moving in together shortly after the planned holiday so we thought it would give us all time to bond a bit more before that.

19lottie82

FBaby - thanks for your reply.
I honestly can't think of any other reason for her behaviour than pure jealousy / bitterness as you have described. It's really a shame because if this is fueled by her love for her kids, all that she is doing in the long run is damaging her future relationship with them.
.

I'm not saying this to be nasty but I really do think she has mental health issues, perhaps it's a lasting effect of her alcoholism? I understand your point about making her feel more secure but
My OH does everything he can to facilitate her seeing the girls, and never ever bad mouths her to the girls despite her behaviour. He openly encourages them to have a happy and productive relationship with their mother, it's just a shame she can't return the favour.

19lottie82

pawsies wrote: »

I thought you said...

I was talking about moving in with my OH :-)

Erinnire

19lottie82 wrote: »

I'm not saying this to be nasty but I really do think she has mental health issues,

Having mental health issues doesn't make you a bad parent.

There is lots of good advice on the thread, I don't see how she can stop you going as OH is the resident parent. I suggest seeing a solicitor for the free half hour just to clarify but I would still be planning on going.

19lottie82

Erinnire wrote: »

Having mental health issues doesn't make you a bad parent.

I know that, I've suffered from depression myself in the past so I know how hard it can be. It's just really as it always seems to be the kids who suffer as a result of her behaviour.