Taking kids on holiday when mother objects

19lottie82

Hi - I was wondering if anyone could point me in the right direction regarding this problem.

I have been with my OH for three years now and he has two daughters aged 9 and 12. I love the girls to bits and we always have a great time together. His parents own a caravan in Portugal and we were planning to all go out there for a week in the Summer.

His ex wife is to put it plainly, hates my guts even tho she has no reason to at all and has only met me once in passing.
She won't use my name when talking to my OH about me and will only refer to me as the technical term for a female dog.
The worst thing she does is put the kids in positions. For example she tells them how it upsets her that they see me and then calls them when she knows we are all together and quizzes them asking them where they are and who is there.

My OH mentioned to her about booking the flights to Portugal and she has said that "they're not going if she is", and if he takes them she will report us to the police for kidnap.

Is there anything my OH can do so he can take them abroad without her permission? It breaks my heart that the kids will have to go without a holiday just because of her bitterness.
I have suggested that he goes alone with the kids, but he says no as he refuses to let her win and also we are planning on moving in together shortly after the planned holiday so we thought it would give us all time to bond a bit more before that.

If it makes any difference my OH has been the girls sole carer since they split up almost four years ago. There is nothing on paper regarding legal custody but he receives the child benefit and it is his address that is registered with the kids GP and schools.

And before anyone suggests trying to talk to her about it, we have and got nowhere :-(

clairec79

Any chance you could go a few days before - that way it's just him and the kids going?

Though legally if he has sole custody I don't see what she could do

19lottie82

Thanks Claire that is one of the options we are considering.... However I'm not too keen as I don't want to put the kids in the position that they are forced to lie to their mother.

He doesn't have legal custody on paper, it never went to court. But as I said he is their legal guardian in terms of his house is their legal address and he receives the child benefits.

Person_one

Don't let her get hold of their passports!

19lottie82

Person_one wrote: »

Don't let her get hold of their passports!

My OH isn't that daft. He has their passports and birth certificates.

traleegirl

Tell her to go ahead and call the police....but let her know that she could well be charged with wasting police time!! I'm not sure you can kidnap chdren who live with you and who you get child benefit for!! A visit to a solicitor to get custody formally agreed might be a good idea too..

Valli

traleegirl wrote: »

Tell her to go ahead and call the police....but let her know that she could well be charged with wasting police time!! I'm not sure you can kidnap chdren who live with you and who you get child benefit for!! A visit to a solicitor to get custody formally agreed might be a good idea too..

this:cool:

19lottie82

Ideally he would have legal custody of them But there is no way he could afford the legal fees and she is unemployed so would no doubt receive legal aid.

pigpen

I don't think there is anything she can do to stop him tbh.. not without proof he will not bring them back. I am certain you are allowed a month without the other parents consent. ..

Could you OH get a residency order so he has legal proof they live with him?

My childrens dad refers to me as megab!tch and OH as pea-dough.. so sad when they are so insecure they have to resort to such childish behaviour.

See if he can get a free half hour with a solicitor to discuss it.

zzzLazyDaisy

I suggest that your OH seeks legal advice if he intends to just take them out of the country. It is a long time since I did any family law, so things may have changed, but it used to be that even the PWC needed the NRPs consent to take a child abroad, either that or a court order. It does seem like a sledge-hammer to crack a nut, but it is worth checking.

Edit, according to this article

http://www.sydneymitchell.co.uk/news/legal-implications-taking-children-abroad-if-you-are-separated

"Consideration should first of all be given as to who has parental responsibility. If both parents have parental responsibility and there are no residence orders or other restrictions in place, then neither can take the child on holiday outside the United Kingdom without the written consent of the other parent or any other party with parental responsibility. If consent is refused, an application to the Court will need to be made for permission."

It might be worth applying for a residence order if this is going to be an ongoing problem, especially if you moving in is going to make her worse.

saterkey

maybe put portugal on hold this year until youve moved in and things are more stable, possible go away in the uk somewhere.