Advice on a school matter please

johnnyl

Emma133 wrote: »

Hi

I'm looking for a little bit of advice on a school matter.

I've just been informed of two incidents this week involving my child by another childs parent. I've just spoken to my child and the parent and so far this is the story i've got.

Firstly my son and the other child where accused of name calling and bullying a dinner ladys child earlier this week. They were called into see the headteacher and were quizzed about the matter infront of the dinnerlady. When the boys tried to explain their side of the story, the dinnerlady continuously interuppted and accused them of lying. Now my son and his friend both agree that they called this child names, but they say they did it becaused this child had been pushing them and calling them names. My concern is that the dinner lady was there surely this is not right as she is going to believe her child and be very cross with the "bullies".

Secondly my son has a child in his class with adhd. I have had to go to the head teacher numerous times about this child as his parents drop him off at school 15 minutes too early and leave him there unattended. I've split up a fight between this child and another child both nothing to do with me, I've been walking past the school and seen this child kicking my son whilst lining up after break. I was told the childs medication probably needed altering and she would make sure the child was supervised. This childs mother is also a dinner lady. Today this child was dropped off early at school, bit two other children before school started. At break time a group of boys including my son were playing a game with this child, the child got caught he proceed to then punch one child repeatedly in the back then punch my son in the face. I wasn't informed until 6pm tonight by another childs parent.

I intend to go into the school on Monday morning but wondered what others thought of these incidents the first seems very unprofessional to me and has annoyed me more.

My son is no angel but hes not a bully and deserves the right to have his side of the story heard.

you need a high powered job like a dinner lady. Then you will be heard :rotfl:

meritaten

Emma133 wrote: »

Thank you for the replys, I will deal with the first matter on Monday and will not persue the second matter for the moment.

However, I do feel this is relevant to my child as on Friday he was punched in the face by the child, how much should I allow before I mention "other peoples" children?

I may have got this wrong Emma, but I understand that the 'punching' incident took place previous to the one you posted about? The head may say that you should have spoken to them at the time. by all means mention it, but AFTER the latest incident has been dealt with otherwise matters may become confused.

marisco_2

With regard to the first incident, I agree that the dinner lady should not have been present whilst your son and his friend were speaking to the Headteacher. She is not impartial and it was not right that she kept interrupting, when they were giving their side of the story. That would have felt very intimidating to a child. Part of encouraging children to be open and honest about things that have happened, is letting them have their say and to feel heard. I dont think it is right that your son and his friend reacted to this other childs behaviour by resorting to calling him names. However that is kids for you, all kids and they need to learn what is appropriate and what isn't. I cant help but feel, that by the dinner lady being present, the chance was lost for the boys to be made aware of this and to accept it.

The adhd child being left unsupervised in the playground and getting into conflicts with other children is not good. Not good for him at all or the children being hurt. It could be that he has sensory issues, no perception of personal space or boundaries or any understanding of social interaction. So his anxiety levels go through the roof and he has a meltdown and lashes out. If they are all in primary school I would hope that during the school day he has an INA (individual needs assistant) working one to one with him. It seems that he needs supervision before school, for the parent to stay with him in the playground till a teacher comes out or for him to be taken to the school office and collected by the INA or teaching assistant. He could also benefit greatly by having break and lunchtime supervision. No child wants to stay in this sad, vicious cycle of getting into fights and then facing the consequences of such action. Some children need to be taught all the social skills that the rest of us take for granted. This child appears to be one of those.

Do go and speak to the school on Monday about both issues. Most schools will be happy to work with a parent to bring about the best development for the children in their care. If you put your concerns across from the angles I have seen this situation from the school have little argument in implementing what you would like to see. I hope they take your valid worries seriously and address these issues.

maman

meritaten wrote: »

emma - I would not bring up the matter of the other ASDH child. focus on YOUR child and the matter in hand! believe me, bringing the other child up will not help you!

Are you aware whether the other child (dinner lady's son?) was asked for his side of the story or did the head just accept the mum's view? I have experience of this and what I would have done is thanked the dinner lady for bringing the boys in and then sent her on her way. I would then have questioned the three boys and made a dcesision how to deal with them (apology, miss some play etc). I'd suggest you tell the HT that this is the sort of questioning you would expect not the boys having to argue against the dinner lady. I'm basing this on the fact you said that no adult saw what happened. Obviously, if a dinner lady had witnessed it then the Head would need to talk to her (not necessarily in front of the boys).

To be honest, I think the idea of bringing in parents to 'represent' their children is impractical except for the most serious misdemeanours.

On the ADHD child, I wouldn't muddy the waters with it on Monday just deal with the other matter. For future reference, if you see him misbehaving while unsupervised then try to go into school (assuming doors are open) and speak to a member of staff (Head/teacher) and ask them to come out and deal with him as he's hurting other children. If that happens a few times they'll soon speak to the mother about dropping him off early. If not just keep reporting it. If nothing happens you could try writing to the Chair of Governors.

Emma133

meritaten wrote: »

I may have got this wrong Emma, but I understand that the 'punching' incident took place previous to the one you posted about? The head may say that you should have spoken to them at the time. by all means mention it, but AFTER the latest incident has been dealt with otherwise matters may become confused.

Hi Meritaten, I wasn't very clear so sorry for the confusion the first incident with the head teacher and parent/dinner lady took place Wednesday. The second incident which has been on going with various children involved including my son happened on Friday (yesterday) with my son being punched in the face.

Emma133

Hi Maman at the moment we only have my son and his friends side of the story which I'm aware could be missing bits of information. As far as we are aware the other child concerned was not "in" on any discussions at all only the parent/dinnerlady. I feel that this matter should have been dealt with the all the children together and the head, no other adults/parents/dinnerladies needed to be there at all. I agree and think it is a ridiculous matter to involve parents but if one parent is there and no others then this is a different matter all together the boys were intimidated basically and my son denied his request to have his father present.

Thank your for your opinion on the other matter, I don't want to seem an over anxious hysterical mother on Monday but on the other hand don't want my son assulting again and again.

Emma133

Thank you for your reply Marisco, I must of scanned past it earlier.

I just wanted to say I totally agree with your first statement, and I have told my son he should not retaliate but go speak to a teacher. However he says he tries to ignore it but this child just keeps pestering, name calling etc. and he gets mad. When they then tell a teacher/dinnerlady he gets told to "stay away" or "stop telling tales" catch 22 situation and kids do end up getting fed up and retaliating right or wrong.

Your second statement with the adhd child I totally agree with also, and obviously my first concern being a mother is that my child is getting hurt. But I also feel that this child needs a little more support with his condition and understand totally what you are saying.

I can only hope they will listen and see the problems from my point of view.

wannabeasupersaver

Hi I just thought I would share looking from both your view and schools view as I have my own little one and am a teacher (different schools). As mum I totally get why you are concerned and I think you have every right to find out the whole story about what went on. As you said you only have the boys perspective and it maybe a very different one from the schools. Experience has shown me that quite often things are not quite what a parent has been told. Had it happen in my school recently. Parents thought one thing school said something different child then admitted to parents that they had failed to share the 'whole' story. Parents were rather shocked that their child had done that but it does happen. Best to go in calm and say you were concerned with what you have been told but you would like the full account. If what your son has told is in fact the full story then I would begin to get rather cross at the way it was handled as that is unprofessional.

In regards to the child with ADHD I wouldn't bring it up in this meeting. I would monitor it and if your child is hurt again then I would speak to someone. If it is done at the same time as your other complaint it may be viewed as you deflecting away from your own child being in trouble. Also only discuss what has happened between your child and the ADHD child not what happens with others as this is not your responsibility. Let other parents complain about their own issues. Please do tell them about the child being left unattended as the school may not know that. We would definitely insist an adult was present if this is when all the issues take place. Hope you get it all sorted x

johnnyl

Im sorry, but why is nobody allowed to bring up the subject of the ADHD child? So basically, this child can wander around doing whatever he / she wants to, negatively impacting upon others but hush hush, we cant say anything.

There is a serious case of NIMBYism going on here, because Im pretty sure that no parent would tolerate this.

sassyblue

Emma133 wrote: »

Thank you for the replys, I will deal with the first matter on Monday and will not persue the second matter for the moment.

However, I do feel this is relevant to my child as on Friday he was punched in the face by the child, how much should I allow before I mention "other peoples" children?

No l disagree with the advice not to mention this. How is it going to look when you do bring it up and then no doubt asked when it happened, and it happened the same time as the other problem but you didn't mention it?

It's more serious than the bullying complaint against your son IMO, it's actual violence.