Advice on a school matter please

Emma133

Hi

I'm looking for a little bit of advice on a school matter.

I've just been informed of two incidents this week involving my child by another childs parent. I've just spoken to my child and the parent and so far this is the story i've got.

Firstly my son and the other child where accused of name calling and bullying a dinner ladys child earlier this week. They were called into see the headteacher and were quizzed about the matter infront of the dinnerlady. When the boys tried to explain their side of the story, the dinnerlady continuously interuppted and accused them of lying. Now my son and his friend both agree that they called this child names, but they say they did it becaused this child had been pushing them and calling them names. My concern is that the dinner lady was there surely this is not right as she is going to believe her child and be very cross with the "bullies".

Secondly my son has a child in his class with adhd. I have had to go to the head teacher numerous times about this child as his parents drop him off at school 15 minutes too early and leave him there unattended. I've split up a fight between this child and another child both nothing to do with me, I've been walking past the school and seen this child kicking my son whilst lining up after break. I was told the childs medication probably needed altering and she would make sure the child was supervised. This childs mother is also a dinner lady. Today this child was dropped off early at school, bit two other children before school started. At break time a group of boys including my son were playing a game with this child, the child got caught he proceed to then punch one child repeatedly in the back then punch my son in the face. I wasn't informed until 6pm tonight by another childs parent.

I intend to go into the school on Monday morning but wondered what others thought of these incidents the first seems very unprofessional to me and has annoyed me more.

My son is no angel but hes not a bully and deserves the right to have his side of the story heard.

meritaten

OK, you have your sons side of the story - does his friends tally with his? Also you have your own observations of how the school treat a child with ADHD (is this the dinnerlady in questions child?).
I agree that the parent who is also a member of staff shouldnt have been present when your child was being questioned......that was unprofessional. I would list everything and listen carefully to the answers. Then make your own mind up and if necessary come back and those on here can further advise.

Emma133

Hi thanks for the reply.

Both the boys storys are the same, the two incidents are separate children with mothers that are dinnerladies.

The first incident, from what I can gather from the boys is its a typical case of 6 of one half a dozen of the other, a child calls my child a name, my child and his friend retalitate, a child elbows my child, my child trips them up etc. However, the boys have now said, no dinnerlady was witness to this, the child went her told her dinnerlady mother who told another dinnerlady, who then went and told the head. The head then pulled my son and his friend from lesson spoke to them in the office and pulled the other childs mother in. In my opinion if parents were to be involved then I should have been there as well. My son was crying and asked the head to phone his dad to which she refused, the boys were disbelieved and called liars by the mother/dinnerlady.

I'm not sure what you mean by list everything, i've tried to put as much info as I can, and obviously I only have the boys side of the story. In my opionion its both sets of kids, kids being kids in reality and both sets of kids needed to be told to stop and behave, stay away etc. however i'm not impressed at all that my child has been "interviewed" by the mother, as you say very unprofessional.

dangers

I'm a dinner lady and if my child was at the school I was working at, I wouldn't be allowed to deal with any incident that involved him/her. A few parents have applied for jobs, but haven't got them as their child is at the school - a possible conflict of interest.

Your son should not have been questioned when the mother was present. It should have been dealt with by someone totally impartial!

meritaten

I meant list everything for the meeting with the headteacher. its amazing how questions can disappear from your brain, esp if you get a bit emotional!
I know I have come out of meetings and on getting home wish that I had asked more questions. so I used to list them!

moodydonkey

Speak to the school! The dinnerlady has had her input, wrongly it would appear as far as procedure goes. My daughter was accused of bullying, it went as far as police intervention. The school never spoke to me, I spoke to them tho. Don't leave it, if you have questions then be vocal about them. The silliest of situations get out of control. Nobody advocates bullying, we all need to make sure it isn't happening tho and it is a two way street. The first person to get the story in isn't always the victim.

Emma133

Thanks for the replys. I just need to know where I stand and how to deal with it, I will be going into the school on Monday and requesting a meeting with the head.

I'm going to write down my concerns.

Although I do have a problem with the fact that its the Head thats out of order, and its her I've got to speak to first.

meritaten

Do that Emma - and write down too that you will ask the Head for a copy of the Schools complaints procedure! usually puts the wind up them! but, I can tell you what it will say. First complain to the headmaster, then to the school governers and lastly (if no result) to the local education authority. In Writing!
I would be very unhappy that the dinnerlady was actually present at the heads meeting with the boys while his request to have his dad there was denied!

ValHaller

Emma133 wrote: »

The head then pulled my son and his friend from lesson spoke to them in the office and pulled the other childs mother in. In my opinion if parents were to be involved then I should have been there as well. My son was crying and asked the head to phone his dad to which she refused, the boys were disbelieved and called liars by the mother/dinnerlady.

Pulled out the above as a quote. In my mind, this is significant. You have not said how old the boys are, but to my mind, even if he was in the wrong initially, the head was more in the wrong to conduct an interview with just one other parent on the other side present. Well done your son to having the presence of personality to call for his dad.

I think the correct response is to tell the head that regardless of what happened in the initial incident, he is never to be interviewed in the presence of another parent without you present. And to do this with your son present while the head teacher is told.

Yes it does undermine the head, but he/she should know enough to realise that interviewing a child in the presence of an opponent's parent is an oppressive practice.

Emma133

The boys are aged 9, i'm not willing to just leave it at just discussing it with the head as I think she has not followed the correct safeguarding procedures. The more I think about it the more upset/frustated i'm becoming.

My son was obviously deeply frustrated at what was happening as he started crying with anger and asked for his dad as the two adults would not accept his side of the story.

balletshoes

Emma133 wrote: »

The boys are aged 9, i'm not willing to just leave it at just discussing it with the head as I think she has not followed the correct safeguarding procedures. The more I think about it the more upset/frustated i'm becoming.

My son was obviously deeply frustrated at what was happening as he started crying with anger and asked for his dad as the two adults would not accept his side of the story.

first things first - talk to the head. You need to stay calm as well, otherwise you are going to come across as a hysterical mum who's not prepared to listen to anyone. I totally understand why you're upset, the other child's mum should not have been present when the Head was talking to your son. So you point that out, and inform the Head there is to be no repeat of that - once you have got the Head's version of events.