Worried I'm going to fall off the DFW wagon.... :(

poodlehorse

Right I haven't read any of the replies really so sorry if this is a repitition. First of all, K is 3 mths, you are still all over the place hormonally and you have PND. That is hard in itself. Plus she is up in the night, sleep deprivation never good. Plus Ste isn't doing his bit and I can sympathise with that as I have wanted to scream when I was getting all the !!!!!! and DH was either never there (works away) or left me to it because he doesn't "do" early mornings. I honestly don't think men (sorry to generalise as I am sure some do) get how tiring being with kids all day is. And I know DH thinks he works and I do nothing all day and anyway this is my job, what I fail to see is why I have to be a mu 24 hrs a day and gets to pick and choose his moments (oh god I am off on my own rant now - look at the Pandora's box we have opened). As for K waking through the night. Do you think she needs the feed or is it a case of waking up and she thinks I know I'll have a bottle that gets me cuddles? If she needs the extra feed due to a growth spurt (I am sure DS had one about then) then she needs it but maybe you could pre-empt it by feeding her just before you guys (or whoever is last up) go to bed. Dream feeding in other words, so don't wake her just lifte her up and give her a bottle, she will wake enough to feed but not properly and should settle down, at least she will be topped up just as you go to bed and might last that bit longer to morning. And it might be easier for Ste to stay up later to do it that it is for him to wake up once he is already asleep. Does that make sense? If she doesn't need it then I would suggest "wake to sleep" and that is when you rouse them a bit but not enough to properly wake them in order to change their sleep pattern a bit and the idea is they won't do the waking up bit then. It worked for us but that was when DS was waking at 11pm so we sneaked in at 10ish and gave him a prod or tucked him in. Not so handy if she is waking at 3am or whatever but it might still work if you rouse her earlier.
On the DFW note, well you have done so well but remember you have quickly paid off a lot of debt seeing them go down one by one and DPs was a long haul and you got there and were in major celebratory mood at just the time you were going to see Cradle. I guess maybe now you have another big debt to pay and you are feeling down and you are getting fed up (it happens to us all) and you dont' have a "thing" to look forward to. Trust me every DFW gets these days (but I am not minimising the effects of the PND on all this) and so added to your new baby and PND I can totally understand you have hit a low point. BUt do throw up your hands because you had one or two impulse purchases. Enjoy them, I hope the bumbo helps K and you get some time. DS loved his as he was nosey and hated the bouncy thing too. I know they are expensive to buy but they have good resale value on Ebay. That is where I bought mine and I didn't pay that muchless than new for it. Blackout blind is a bit of a necessity with kids though. It is just like being on a diet, sometimes you plan to be good but still spend the day stuffing chocolate and ice-cream and pizza down your neck and you can't stop yourself topping it all off with a bottle of wine but the trick is to not worry about that day (it has been and gone) and to start afresh the next. Same here. So maybe Barclaycard won't be all gone this month, or you might still do it. Either way you have come a long way and if it gets paid next month what harm done is there? You are so superfrugal most of the time that is is almost inevitable you will have the odd rebellion (and it is a pretty small rebellion). You buy very little for yourself and even this is all for the girls really. Can you have a treat to look forward to, ie a family fun day or soemthing (or the wedding you are going to )and keep that in mind the way Cradle kept your eyes on the prize? I think because you did your little debts first it is going to get harder even though you have made so much progress and DPs was such a long haul for you that it was a major woo hoo when it had gone and this is the down after the up. Can you break up the next ones into two lumps or more so that you aren't feeling like it is a losing battle all the time? Sorry I am rambling now. Sending you a big hug and lots of sleepy vibes for K for tonight.

pk2007_2

Hi Sarah
You are doing amazingly well and you have 2 lovely daughters and a very supportive husband. We all stray from DFW path as it is one long hard struggle. Do not worry about the money spent today.
lots of good advise here; if Kaitlyn wants to be carried all the time and cries a lot it might be colic. speak to your HV and ask for help.
ask your MIL to help out too.
Good luck

Donedoingdebt

Reading all this makes me glad I've got teenagers now. Their sleeping habits seem to be all day if allowed to!!!

Seaxwyn

Hi there
sorry me again. Just wanted to say that wanting to be carried is normal for a baby. If she hasn't got any other symptoms I wouldnt wory about colic or anything. Have you got a sling? I used to use mine all the time, in the house as well as out, it leaves your hands free to do other things.

ZTD

Seaxwyn wrote: »

This may seem sexist or old-fashioned or something but I wouldnt even expect your OH to wake for Kaitlyn in the night as you will only be disappointed! I found the rage and resentment were actually worse than the sleep deprivation and when I just accepted that I had to do all the night stuff I felt better about it. That phase does pass, really it does.

This isn't old fashioned or sexist or anything. Fact is, when a woman is in the late stages of pregancy, she releases a massive dose of female hormones into her bloodstream. This has many effects such as the brain shrinks (yes - it's true approx 8% on average) and the mother becomes basically "programmed" for the welfare of the child. Many mothers report they sponteously lactate in response to a baby crying - not even their own...

What happens to the bloke during the last stages of pregnancy. Well he can't drink in case he needs to drive...and that's about it.

Of course the mother is going to wake up when a baby cries, she's "programmed" to do that. Is a bloke? Naah...

You're going to have to accept that you're going to wake up. You're both going to have to accept that he isn't. He's going to have to accept being kicked awake...

moonlightpjs

Just a thought IA - couldn't you and Steve make a deal that when its his day off the day after he gets up that night before his day off with K, that way you will get at least two nights of full sleep and he could maybe catch up in the day

Toto

Hi IA,

I know you've been having a rough time with K lately, you're tired, you have PND and your dealing with your debts. All of that takes its toll. The anti depressants are probably making you tired on top of the baby waking. I started on them recently and I'm knackered all of the time.

It's natural that you and Ste will argue a bit, this is all stressful stuff. But you guys do need the odd break, just to be IA and Ste again, not mum and dad to ash and K. I know the finances don't allow for loads of nights out but how about getting Ste to cook a nice meal while you soak in the bath, then both eat together at the table TV off. Talk a bit about how you feel, try not to raise your voice, just explain how you are feeling and tell him how he can help.

Men are rubbish at getting out of bed. My OH can't get up to take the kids to school EVER even if I'm sick. By the time I've kicked him out of bed I could have been there and back. But, having a new baby does mean Ste does need to get up sometimes, even if it’s just his days off. I know he works but so do you; you do just as much as he does but have an awful lot more stress and responsibility all day long.

Do try to talk to each other, and go easy on yourself for the little spending blip today. You’ve come too far to throw in the towel now, and you know it. We all have days off the wagon, but we all step back on. I think sometimes a little overspend here and there does us good.

sammy115

Seawyxn is right. I think sometimes you have to accept the things you can't change - and Ste waking up to take care of little k is probably one of them.

My OH very kindly said he would do it (on occasion) but I was so stressed about him not waking up that I actually got less sleep. He could never wake up and all he does is bring Chloe into our bed with us.

You have had a massive run at your debt and maybe now is the time to just give yourself a break. I know when I am tired and emo I find loads of ways to make me feel better and spending is one of them.

Lie down take it easy and accept the flow of life. As someone who suffered from severe PND with the first three children (including psychiatric care - see you knew I was a nutter didn't you) - so much so it took me twelve years to have a much wanted fourth, I have learned to let much of life wash over me. I have found that if you look after YOU first, pretty much everyone else after that follows quite naturally.

Take care !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Your No 1 minion (YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND)

Snaggles

Hi IA, firstly stop worrying about the £60 right now - it's not like you went out and spent it on beer and fags - you bought things that, whilst not planned, will genuinely help your kids (and if Ash starts toilet training, well....less nappies = more moneysaving, so think of it as an investment).

If you can't pay off Barclaycard until June, will it really matter in the grand scheme of things? And if you were really falling off the wagon, would you be posting on here, confessing, asking for help and feeling guilty?

Unfortunately ZTD is right, your body is programmed to respond to the baby in a way that Steve's isn't really (8% brain shrinkage, really? That explains a lot in my case!), which does tend to mean you'll wake up even if it's not your turn to do the feed (especially if Steve isn't coping well either).

Let your health visitor and GP know how you are feeling - they are there to help and support you through these early months. And keep talking - to Steve, to friends, to us on here - it does help to get it all off your chest.

Seaxwyn

Hi Sarah, me again, I can't keep off this thread! Your post took me back - my youngest is nearly 6 now so it's good to remember what life is like in the early days!

Just wondered if you ever have a chance to get out to see other mums in your situation? Sure we are all sympathetic on here but there's nothing like moaning to a flesh and blood person. Are there toddler groups, one o'clock clubs or whatever where you can go and have a change of company while Ashli plays?

I know how stressful it is getting little ones ready and out but just to get out of the same four walls is really therapeutic. Even a walk round the block can completely change your mindset.