Worried I'm going to fall off the DFW wagon.... :(

immoral_angeluk

Apologies if this turns into a complete moaning rant. Have had such a truly rubbish couple of days and am worried for my DFW sanity. Our 3 month old baby hasn't been herself at all and Dh and I have seemingly been constantly arguing. I'm exhausted as for the past god knows how many nights I've had to get up to our baby who's started waking up in the night again after sleeping through. It was my DH's turn to get up last night with her but even though our baby woke up twice, the first time I couldn't even wake him up to feed her which was at 2am... and then when she woke at 6.30am he has such a massive hissy fit because she kept fussing we argued and he ended up sleeping on the sofa leaving me to feed her again.
Today we went to finish our food shopping and ended up buying quite a few things we hadn't planned... a toilet training seat for our eldest which was an impulse buy... a blackout blind for one of our windows for our baby as well as a bumbo just out of desperation to be able to have 5 mins peace as our baby has suddenly started hating her bouncey chair and wants to be held all the time. So in one day alone we've spent nearly £60 on stuff that isn't budgeted for or planned and I'm worried that this is the start of a downward slope as the way I'm feeling right now I just want to say f**k it all and go on a massive spending spree to make myself feel better but I know I can't as we don't have the money. We've only got £200 in the band til my maternity pay goes in on the 10th and we've spent pretty much all of the money we'd started to save up to pay off our barclaycard.
None of this is helped by the fact I have postnatal depression but it just seems to be going downhill again as life is just so hard right now I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to run away and part of me wants to slap myself and tell myself to snap out of it.

Really sorry that this has turning into a massive moan... don't feel you have to reply or anything as I know I've probably bored everyone to death with my whinging.... sorry again.

mrsspendalot

:grouphug:

I know how you feel - my hubby was on nights last night and I was home alone. DS1 woke up 3 times between 11.30 and 1.30 and then DS2 woke at .2.30 and didn't go back to sleep until 4.30 ... then DS1 was up again at 6.30 so I feel like a zombie!!!! Tiredness and PND don't mix. have you had a chat today about what happened last night? you might feel better to get it off your chest.

As for the wagon, a minor blip, and you will get back on. Those bumbo seats are great and sell well on ebay afterwards too

I hope you start to feel a little better soon, but don't be too hard on yourself. I am feeling guilty today after ordering some stuff out of the catalogue but I have lost so much weight that my clothes are hanging off me and there is only so long you can go without. At least it is out of the 0% catalogue on not on a high APR credit card ... I have learned something

saffronflowers

Firstly a big big hug. Dealing with a baby as well as anything else is really really tough.

You must really be kind to yourself, above everything else, are you able to have a sleep when the little one has one? Dont fret about toilet training, let the elder just take their nappy off when you are in the garden and have a potty around, just remember they will be potty trained by the time they are 18!!!

Do you have anyone around to give you a hand?

Speak to your other half about the nights, not the same but we have had two puppies for the last 10 weeks and it took me right back to having hte girls when they were little, OH and I take it in turns one morning I feed walk etc and the other he does! This is sacrasanct.

As far as the financial side goes, just because you have slipped does not mean you are failing, sit down reasses, your budget, give your self some leeway in it to buy stuff for the little peeps, and just keep realising what an increadibly wonderful job you are doing.

PM if you just need someone to rant at

SFx

beanynharrison

Hi Sarah

First off take a few deep breaths and calm down. I don't post very often on here but I am serious lurker and read your diary avidly (it's better than corrie!!)

I have a 10 month old little boy and being with children day in day out can really take its toll. Things can seem so much worse when you don't have another adult for a comforting ear.

Is K going through a growth spurt. At 12 weeks Harrison upped his milk intake again by an ounce in each bottle, maybe this is the problem?

So you have bought a few things that were impulse buys... lets look at it rationally. The black out blind could stop the early waking...now the light mornings are here Harrison is up at 6 singing in his cot!! We bought a bumbo off e bay when Harrison was about 3 1/2 months. We sold it when he was 7 months for what we paid for it. They have excellent resale value. The toilet training seat ....errr better than p!ss on the bathroom floor!!

Having read your diary I am sure that you won't fall off the DFW wagon. This is just a little speed bump that has made you wobble.

Hope that helps.
Rachel xx (PS I find a kick in the shins gets my DH up in the middle of the night!)

Little_Miss_Winner

Hi IA,

Just wanted to offer you big hugs, all of us have been there at some point or another. Motherhood is one of the most exciting things, but can also be quite lonely too.
Exhaustion and PND can leave you feeling really down, and the only way you will get through this is with a bit of *ME* time, you really, must start doing this even if it's only 1/2 an hour each day.....

Hugs Babe, wer'e here for you!

xxxx

mrsspendalot

I would also have a chat with your HV about the waking in the night again and see what they advise. I know now the advice is to wean at 6 months, but when I had DD and DS1 the advice was 4 months and they were weaned early because night waking was seen as an indicator of being ready for weaning. Are they teething possibly? H always wakes in the night when he is teething.

Seaxwyn

HI Sarah

Dont feel bad about the £60. Having a baby and a toddler must be really hard - mine had bigger gaps between but that was hard enough.

This may seem sexist or old-fashioned or something but I wouldnt even expect your OH to wake for Kaitlyn in the night as you will only be disappointed! I found the rage and resentment were actually worse than the sleep deprivation and when I just accepted that I had to do all the night stuff I felt better about it. That phase does pass, really it does.

You are such an ace money manager that you will cope with the loss of that £60, so don't compound it by blaming yourself. You're doing fine.

itsarichmansworld

Hi Sarah

Just here to give you (((Hugs)))

I know your having it stuff but your not falling off the wagon you needed a training pot for the wee yin.

Think of the money you will save on nappies!!! See your still being dfw.

Speak to Steve talk to him thats the best thing you can do just now he's a good guy and will understand.

Love
richie xxx

postingalwaysposting

nickelodeon

Hi IA,

I read your diary all the time, although I've never posted on there, and you are such an inspiration to so many people, you have done brilliantly at tackling your debt. This is not you falling off the debt wagon, you just bought a couple of things that you need for your children. You haven't increased your debt which is the main thing. It may mean it takes a little bit longer to pay off your next debt, but I'm sure you'll do it, you've come this far, please don't give up now!
I don't have children so can't offer any advice in that respect or the PSD, but I hope that things get better and I just wanted to let you know that I and I'm sure a lot of other people think you are amazing and are doing a terrific job and looking after two children and paying off your debts!

moonlightpjs

Hey sarah

Well sweetie, you're in a bit of a state aren't you and its not suprising really, you do so much and cope a lot better than some (me included at the top of the list lol) and I really think you need to take some time out -take a deep, get a cup of tea and have a read through the whole of you diary and see how far you have come and what you have acheieved and in such a short space of time - much more than many of us had done.

You've bought things that are useful and needed - a blackout blind is great as it may give you that extra time in bed but to be honest I think - please people don't hate me - but you need to let the debts take a back seat for now - continue making the payments you are doing, they are not going to do anything or start demanding more money - they will be there in a couple of months (or whatever) but for now, you need to concentrate on yourself, have some time to yourself, have a big talk with Steve and explain exactly how you are feeling, right down to the nitty gritty and explain that you need help, make him understand if need be and get some sleep and rest and time to just think about you and your family. The debts aren't going to go away - just put them on the back burner for now until you've recharged yourself because in the long run you are going to make yourself really ill if it carries on like this and then what will happen?

You haven't spent money on things you don't need so you haven't fallen off the DFW wagon so don't punish yourself.

Whilst I know you are determined to become debt free asap, you also need to think of yourself now - once you feel better you will start to see things clearer and then begin the mission again to become debt free but you have to be well enough to do that.

Put yourself and your health first, sending you loads of hugs xxx