The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 12

jak

26 af and 28 in total! Woo hoo! XXX

Barny1979

26 in total for me and sign me up for the SNC please.

rachelww1

26 AFDs here too. Went out to the local ealier and me and DH were asked if we could stop the Dryathlon early as they were running out of orange juice :rotfl: No chance!!
I'm in for the whole SNC this week too.

gien

didn't drink tonight so one more AF day to add.
mackeroo, I'm im on the SNC. have no colours - on my phone.

graemecarter

41_and_i_know_it wrote: »

Jak did you write this post or was it me, I can so so relate to this, I saw pics of my two exs on facebook and the one who was an alcoholic who I went above and beyond to help looked so loved up and settled, I felt so resentful. Not because I have feelings for him but I did everything I could and he chose drink and he didn't really want me I was just enabling him and we were co-dependent. Really got to let this go, I only thought about him time to time as in I hope he's still off the booze and ok, well obviously he is and now I know I have to accept that it was ME that didn't fit the relationship, we should never have got together in the first place, but because I hadn't seen him since school and I had a crush on him in school and cos he was a bit of a lad and a bad boy cos he drunk a lot etc. Jak it hurts, I'm hurting too because we need closure and this has opened up old wounds. The other ex looks good too, but I don't know if hes with anyone, what hurts was one of his daughters is in a photo of him on her 18th bday and I havent seen any of his kids since they were little. And his ex is still with the bloke she cheated on him and left him for. Where is the justice in this world, seems that if you cheat, steal, lie, have no heart life just pans out for you. I have to see reason however, I am having a bad run at present but soon things will get better, just because I haven't experienced a decent person who loves me doesn't mean he isn't out there. I need to keep sober, keep taking the anti-depressants and learn to love myself. If I imagine my 2 exes the way they were before they met me and during it helps, because it shows that they too were lonely and desparate and now they are not so there's hope for us too. Hope this helps, believe me I know how much it hurts.

Ditto - it's impossible for me to be in a normal and healthy relationship if I dislike/hate myself. No-one has ever spoken to me like the way I used to speak to myself. No wonder I felt down so often - the critic inside me never shut up!
It's favourite phrases were "You should be doing this" , "Why aren't you more like XXXX" "You've screwed this up again" etc
It is so tiring.

If I stay away from the booze, I am better at gaining a true perspective of a situation, and thus the internal critic's volume is lower.
Also, not drinking means I am not doing some of the things that the internal critic hammers me for : "Why did you get so drunk last night. I bet you really embarrassed yourself" , "You're not in control of drinking and not in control of life" , "When are you going to grow up and drink normally. You're pathetic" etc etc

The opposite of my alcoholic depression wasn't happiness, it was calm.

One of the biggest gifts of my sobriety is the peace of mind I often have. It's available to everyone if they work for it, and in my case, it is well worth the effort put in.

Have a great Sunday

Wanna_Bee_Free

Hi, fun and tiring week for me with OH and a friend's birthday celebration and my new job. No more days to report last week. everyone's been posting lots of heartfelt things on here and the AFDs are racking up!

Please can I join in for a 3 night special next week and set a target of 11 for Feb.

Have a good Sunday everyone, Graeme, thanks for your post, you always seem to have interesting wisdom to share on here.

mummy2threeboys

Another 2 af please . I thought id lost you all. Nice new thread.

41..i read somewhere that you spend more online when you have had a drink, hopefully the fact you are cutting down should see more pennys in your pocket xx

Went to a wake and funeral on friday, didnt eat all day, i got home and dont remember getting there at all, i had a bottle of wine over the course of 5 hours..i should have eaten something i really should have..stupid me . Worse was after we left ..(there was about 200 people there) 2 of our local friends had a big fight and the 70 year old headbutted the 50 year old friend. (they have been friends themselves for 30 years)..All booze related, imagine that a 70 year old head butting someone, urgh, glad i missed it really.

kittiej

mt3boys this is sooo true, I have often bought things off ebay only to think why the heck did I buy that! the next day.

The fighting thing doesn't sound very good

Graeme, I always drank in the house but I still would think about what embarrassing things I might have done the night before. In the end I couldn't even remember what I'd done and there are chunks missing that I have no recollection of.

mackeroo - I would feel like such a fraud if I joined in your mid week challenges as I only used to drink at the weekends (unless I was on holiday) but good luck to all participants :T

Well done everyone :T

warbonnet

AF 27/31 definitely won't be drinking tonight

Looking at the last few posts about doing things you don't like when drinking.


I have sent text messages and regretted them the day after and put things on Facebook that I have also regretted.


I have deleted Facebook and although I can't get rid of my phone, if I don't drink in the house I won't send stupid text messages.


Had a lovely meal last night with friends, they were all well gone, but never once encouraged me to drink as they know I am off if - these are the friends I need to keep!


Julie

Lilith1980

Hi everyone, back from my mum's, hope everyone is ok.

26/31 AF for me please Shaggy.

My mum and I had a good talk and I feel I understand her reasons for how she dealt with what happened to me as a child (abuse). Some of the things I told her, I thought she know but she looked very shocked. She is sorry that she didn't talk to me more about things.

But over-riding all of this, my mum went onto tell me how my father actually died. I was 13 at the time, he was in hospital for a few months. I remember he came back needing insulin and I thought the hospital had diagnosed diabetes too late as he had lost 3 stone by that point.

My brother had made a comment in a text ages ago that our dad died cos he drank too much and I dismissed him. He has always been a bit spiteful about my dad - I think they clashed when he was young.

My mum revealed that this was true

Apparently my dad went out to the local every night. My heart sank when I heard this. He would go just for a few drinks to unwind after work. I asked my mum if he was alcoholic or if he ever came home paraletic (sp?) and she said no, it was just that he would be stressed at the end of the day from work and found that just having a few pints with his friends helped to relax him so that he didn't come home in a mood. We were all young then and would be in bed when he got home.

My mum often nagged him that he didn't know his children. No doubt she nagged him about his health.

So when he was 46 he went into hospital, he had to have his gall bladder removed and the surgeons said that drink had done the damage. His liver was damaged and his pancreas had stopped working all together. He had acute pancreatitis when he died.

I am gutted and now need to come to terms with this. I also find this timely, considering that before my mum revealed this I had told her I was no longer drinking and had explained about my alcohol abuse.

Hearing about my dad has cemented it for me. He obviously didn't drink because he thought it would kill him, which makes it even sadder for me because he may still have been alive today, and my dad was my idol

So I am now definitely done with the drink. I know that for certain. I don't want to make the mistake my dad made. Just feel like I have been wandering around in a daze today because my reality about my dad and how he died, was totally different to the truth and it's going to take time to process everything.